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NWA WILDSIDE TV REPORT
by Larry Goodman 

Ok, kids, how about a little multiple choice? The definition of a TV taping from Hell is a) the play-by-play announcer is out with laryngitis b) the sound guy abruptly quits, technical problems abound, and the top rope snaps during the main event c) a dead crowd, many of whom came dressed as empty chairs.

Steven Prazak welcomed the viewers to the latest edition of NWA Wildside, where the correct answer was d) all of the above. Prazak said the "chiseled specimen" Onyx was putting his NWA Wildside Heavyweight title on the line against the "Soul Assassin" Rainman in last week's main event, when the newest member of the NWA Elite, Mikal Adryan interfered. Iceberg made a surprise ring clearing return, much to the dismay of Attorney Jeff G. Bailey.

Prazak previewed this week's show: a battle royal with the winner earning a bye into the finals of the Junior title tournament, Caprice Coleman versus "The Original XTC" Jimmy Rave for a shot at Rainman's World TV Title, and THE BIG GRUDGE MATCH with Altar Boy Luke and Gabriel vs. the NWA Elite team of Azrael and Adryan.

(1) Carolina Connection (Jeremy V & Brandon P) beat Skeeter Frost & Scott E. Smooth (edited to 4:20). Joined in progress with NWA President Bill Behrens subbing for Dan Wilson on commentary again this week. P outsmarted Smooth (not a major achievement) to gain the advantage. Carolina Connection proceeded to manhandle Smooth and Frost. They did a nicely executed sequence (V's selling was gold) that put the underdogs in the driver's seat. Smooth and Frost followed up with a dropkick combo. Behrens said Frost and Smooth were suddenly looking like a good little team. Prazak called that an unfortunate choice of adjectives. Frost and Smooth doubled on V, finishing with a filthy, nasty double fist to the groin. Frost did a standing moonsault. Frost and V swapped chops. V blocked a tornado DDT and hit the VKO. Tags both ways. Sorta. Smooth couldn't wait to charge in and take the first bump. P cleaned house with lariats and slams. P gave Smooth a freefall drop from a firerman's carry. P blocked Frost's hiptoss attempt and countered with a powerbomb. CC hit their finishing combo (P top rope elbow/V 450) on Smooth. Behrens said it was their tune up match for Christmas Chaos.

COMMENTS: Not bad for what it was. The commentators reacted with the proper degree of surprise when Frost and Smooth got some offense. Interesting to see the champs show some vulnerability to a team that the number one contenders, Texas Death Club, totally squashed a few weeks ago.

The Urban Assault Squad (Shadow Jackson & Nemesis) promo segment, their third in as many weeks, opened with a close up of the confederate flag. Jackson (holding up four fingers symbolizing the Four Horsemen): "This used to be the symbol of excellence. But no more. This (pointing at the flag) is the symbol of excellence, especially with a black fist in the middle of it." Jackson said that Slim J had been giving them trouble. Jackson said that when little children cause problems you spank their ass. Jackson said they were going take care of J with some "urban day care." Jackson compared J to a booger in his nose. " I pick him. I put him on the bottom of my feet. And ha! I step on him." Jackson claimed that Murder One wouldn't return their phone calls and wouldn't answer the door when they came by for some smoke. Jackson referenced Darth Vader's line to OB1; "The pupil becomes the teacher." Jackson said they sure as hell didn't need Murder One.

Slim J, we're going to make an example out of ya. It's our world. You're going to be living in it. We're gonna hurt you. And after we hurt you, we're going to spit on your grave. Urban Assault. Can you dig it? Maaan.

(2) Slim J beat Shadow Jackson (with Nemesis) via DQ in 4:02. J jiggled his balls at Jackson. Jackson lost his cool and recklessly charged into a drop toehold. J used a flying shoulder block and a variety of kicks to soften up his opponent. J flew from the top, but Jackson made the catch, rammed J's back into the buckles, and flattened him with a powerslam. Jackson continued with high impact maneuvers. Jackson hit a gorilla press ace crusher. J grabbed to ropes to prevent a three count. Jackson planted J on the top turnbuckle and climbed. J shoved Jackson off and hit a reverse DDT from the top. Good for a near fall. Jackson gave J a choke hold overhead suplex. Cover and J rolled a shoulder. Jackson hung J in the tree of woe. He should have known better. J hit the sliced bread 420. Both men slow to rise. J locked on a cravate and started into the spinning diamond cutter, but Nemesis was there with a powerslam. Ref Speedy Nelson belatedly called for the DQ. Urban Assault Squad laid J out with their finisher (backdrop into a powerslam). They draped the Confederate flag over J's body and put the boots to him. As a contingent of referees tried to usher UAS to the back, Jackson wanted to know where was Murder One?

COMMENTS: Jackson was trying to bump for him, but J's offense looked suspect against a guy with such a thick muscled up physique. No suspense about the finish. Not necessarily a bad thing though, as it was the logical way to set up M1 and J vs. Urban Assault Squad for Chaos.

(3) Jerrelle Clark won a battle royal to earn a bye to the Junior tournament finals (edited to 6:45). The other combatants were Seth Delay, Ray Gordy, Salvatore Rinauro, Jay Fury and Nick Halen. The faces immediately focused their attack on Rinauro and Gordy. Rinauro was on the receiving end of a quadruple backdrop. At 1:30, Delay squared off with Halen and it was every man for himself. Rinauro and Gordy eliminated Halen with a double hiptoss straight to the floor at 2:08. Cut to a shot of Halen in agony on the floor. Fury went to the air against Gordy. Fury ducked Gordy with the Jaytrix, but Rinauro came from behind to toss Fury out at 2:57. Commercial break. Delay threw Rinauro out, but he hung on to the rope and sprung from the top with a lariat. Delay landed an advertent double knee to Rinauro's face on a mistimed Kool Krusher. Rinauro came right back with a version of the stunner. Meanwhile, Gordy and Clark kept trading chops. Rinauro knocked himself loopy with a headbutt on Delay. Clark whipped Gordy at Rinauro, and Rinauro backdropped Gordy over the top. Delay and Clark immediately eliminated Rinauro with a double clothesline. Gordy was livid. He threatened to put Rinauro's lights out. Rinauro begged for his life. Gordy, showing amazing restraint, stormed to the back. Delay took over with a flurry. Clark ducked a charge. Delay flew over the top but was able to hang on. Clark hit a spiral backbreaker. Clark blocked a snap huracanrana and tried to deposit Delay on the floor. Delay hung on and flipped to his feet. Clark blocked the Kool Krusher. Clark waited for Delay to rise and used a head scissors to take him over the top.

COMMENTS: Straight battle royals suck as a rule. At least in this case, the match told a story and the eliminations were well executed.

Rinauro was banging on the dressing room door, trying to get a word with Gordy. Rinauro said he didn't know what happened. "Look at my pretty face. My pretty face got injured. (dreamy smile) I'm hardcore." Gordy burst through the door and collared Rinauro. Gordy screamed that Sal had cost him his belt and the battle royal, and if he didn't get his title back at Christmas Chaos, he was going to stand up in Rinauro's guts. Rinauro looked panic stricken. "That would hurt."

(4) Caprice Coleman beat Jimmy Rave in 10 minutes. Rainman came out to peep the scene and replaced Behrens on commentary. Coleman and Rave tested each other's wrestling skills. Coleman landed a kick to head and Rave went to the outside to shake it off. Rave got the cross armbreaker. Coleman rolled to the ropes and followed suit with a time out. They shook hands. Rave backed Coleman into the corner with forearms and chops. Coleman spun Rave around and delivered a boxing style combination with a big right hand finish. Whip reversal and a shoulder block into the corner by Rave. Rave used a northern lights to set up another cross armbreaker. Coleman kicked his way free. Coleman hit the spin scissors kick for a near fall. Rave backdropped Coleman to the apron. Coleman stunned Rave's throat across the top rope and went for a springboard, but Rave countered with a Fujiwara armbar. Coleman got his feet around the ropes. Rave hit an overhead suplex for a quick two count and right back to the cross armbreaker. Coleman made the ropes. Rainman asked Prazak what time he had because his watch was always stuck on 4:20. Prazak offered to buy him a battery. Rainman said he wasn't sweating the outcome of the match. Rave stomped Coleman's armpit (~?) and went for an armlock submission. Coleman worked back to a vertical base, ducked a clothesline and hit a springboard leg lariat. Returning from the commercial break, a chop-a-thon was in progress. Coleman went for the rolling northern lights suplexes, finishing with one into the turnbuckles. That got a response from the crowd. Delayed cover for two. Looked like Coleman wanted to go for the Walls, but Rave reversed it for a pinning predicament. Coleman went for a sunset flip, but Rave rolled through and got a modest pop with a modified shining wizard for a near fall. Rave landed a stinging chop and shot Coleman into the ropes. Coleman hit the Coldsnap and hooked the leg for two. Coleman motioned for Rave to get up. Whip to the ropes. Rave hit From Dusk 'Til Dawn. Rave had to release it when Coleman forced his shoulders to the mat. Rave escaped from the Comatoser, but Coleman hit the Thermal Shock. Rave miraculously rolled a shoulder before the three. Rave jumped on Coleman's back with a sleeper. Coleman rammed Rave into the turnbuckles to break it. Coleman blocked a tornado DDT and hit the Comatoser for the pin. Rainman left the announcer's booth to give Coleman props.

COMMENTS: Good but not great. Maybe my expectations were too high. I liked Rave's matwork and all, but the match lacked a certain flow and spontaneity. You could have heard a pin drop during most of it. Coleman's long quest for the TV title was never mentioned.

(5) Mikal Adryan & Azrael (with Jeff G. Bailey) beat Gabriel & Altar Boy Luke via DQ in a TV time of 7:14. Luke charged Azrael before the bell. Luke hit a jumping sidekick. Luke had Azrael against the ropes firing short rights, when the Angel of Death landed a haymaker. Azrael scored with a snap kick to the head and sent Luke down with an uppercut. Adryan stomped away at Luke's head. Adryan followed a whip into the corner with a clothesline. Adryan launched Luke into the turnbuckles with a double underhook suplex. Adryan whipped Luke into the ropes. The top cable snapped on impact. Major crowd gasp. Luke instinctively grabbed the rope to keep from falling out of the ring onto his head. With a blast of adrenaline, Luke attacked Adryan's knee. Tag. Gabriel landed a trio of stinging chops. Gabriel hit a back suplex,orcing Azrael to break up the pin. Gabriel ducked a Mafia kick and Adryan appeared to hurt his knee. Gabriel used a rolling back kick that Adryan sold like falling timber. Azrael reached in to break up a pin count. Adryan muscled a charging Gabriel into a sitout face plant. Adryan hit a fallaway slam and made the tag. Azrael used the loose turnbuckle on Gabriel. Back from commercial, with Gabriel still taking heat. Gabriel countered with a powerbomb and tried for the tag, but Adryan knocked Luke off the apron. It turned into a four-way melee on the floor. Luke was on fire. He whacked Adryan with a chair and posted Azrael. Luke pulled a table out from under the ring. Prazak said he had no idea what a table was doing under there. Luke and Gabriel each took shots at putting Azrael through the table. Neither could convert, as Adryan cut them off. Adryan was set to put Luke through the table with an Awesome bomb, but the Altar Boy escaped and countered with a flatliner. Gabriel hit a huracanrana on Adryan. Luke hit a snap huracanrana (nicely improvised without a top rope) on Azrael. Gabriel brought the table in the ring, and Thomas called for the bell. Behrens said the DQ on Luke and Gabriel was colossal monkey crap. Thomas stymied one final attempt to put Azrael through the table. Luke challenged the Elite to a double tables match at Christmas Chaos. Luke told Bailey they would have to kill to stop him. Bailey said OK to the match, but it would be Slash returning as Azrael's partner, the same Slash that held a knife to Luke's throat at Fright Night. Bailey said Slash was going to cut Luke's head off at Chaos, and it would be Gabriel's last chance. "Do you want to be a postulate to this false prophet? At Christmas Chaos, you're gonna pay."

COMMENTS: Heated action. Props to all four. They barely missed a beat without the top rope. I've said it before, but Adryan really knows how to sell for smaller wrestlers. The teases on the table spot were well done. The table match made a good choice for a big show gimmick match, since it hasn't been overdone in Wildside.