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We are live from St. Louis, Missouri and your announcers are Michael ‘Only 1000 more episodes until Raw 2000’ Cole and Jerry ‘The Millennium King’ Lawler.
Vince McMahon makes his way to the ring. Vince thanks everyone and welcomes everyone to Monday Night Raw. He brings out Degeneration X.
Shawn Michaels and Triple H make their way to the ring. Shawn stops Hunter before doing the crotch chop and he gets a few mics. Shawn gasps for breath and then he says that he is feeling ‘this’. He says that it feels like he is missing something. Shawn has his pants on and his underwear, but he feels like something is missing.
Hunter says something is missing. Hunter says that Shawn has all of the gratuitous merchandise on. Hunter thought there were more of them.
Shawn thinks about it and Hunter asks if there were more of them. They point to the entrance and Sean Waltman, Bill Gunn, and Road Dogg enter in a jeep.
We get a super crotch chop with accompanying pyro.
Road Dogg tells St. Louis that they are going to take them on a Missouri boat ride straight down memory lane. Road Dogg does his New Age Outlaws introduction.
Hunter wants to know if we are ready or if we are rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrready. He says that he will see us at Raw 2000. Hunter wants to know if we are ready to . . .
Suck It.
Billy says that it is his part but Shawn says that it is his part because he started this. Hunter tells Billy not to let Shawn lose his smile again because he does weird things like posing for Playgirl. Shawn says that he was young and he needed the money.
Hunter tells them to do it together.
They are interrupted by Damien Sandow. He wants to beg our indulgences and he introduces himself as the intellectual savior of the unwashed masses.
Shawn says that he would like to hear Damien out.
Damien says that this is what Raw, the WWE, and society at large has disintegrated into. Common degenerates whose sophomoric behavior has plagued humanity and brainwashed the masses to appreciate this crass conduct.
Shawn says that it is true about him. Shawn says that he is going home and to church to ask for forgiveness.
Damien says that he knows that they can eviscerate him like common trash. If they do so, Damien says that he will not be a victim, he will be a martyr for anyone who appreciates a sophisticated mind.
Hunter says that he has made some good points, but they will discuss things.
They discuss things and break their huddle.
Hunter tells Damien that they have decided. Shawn with Sweet Chin Music and Hunter with a Pedigree. Billy tells Damien that they have two words for him . . . SUCK IT.
They take off Sandow’s robe and throw him to the floor.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Jim Ross makes his way towards the ring to join Michael and Jerry at the announce table.
We see footage of Rey’s return to Raw last week after Alberto Del Rio’s match with Zack Ryder.
We also see footage from last week when Dolph Ziggler questioned Jericho’s ‘touch’ only to be given a Codebreaker.
Match Number One: Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara, and Sheamus versus Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, and Chris Jericho with Ricardo Rodriguez and Vickie Guerrero
The match is joined in progress and Ziggler is tagged in and he kicks Cara followed by a snap mare and leaping elbow drop. Ziggler tags in Jericho and Chris with a snap mare and reverse chin lock on Cara. Cara with punches and a rollup for a near fall. Jericho with a drop kick and then he points at Sheamus.
Jericho with a slam and he does the classic Jericho pose cover. Del Rio tags in and he kicks Cara in the ribs. Del Rio with an Irish whip and running kick into the corner for a near fall. Del Rio with knees to the lower back and then he applies a rear chin lock with his knee in Cara’s back.
Cara with punches but Del Rio sends Cara into the corner. Cara gets his boots up and hits a tornado DDT and both men are down. Jericho and Sheamus tag in and he hits a series of running double sledges followed by a running shoulder into the corner followed by a knee lift. Sheamus escapes a slam but Sheamus with two uranage back breakers. Del Rio breaks up the cover but Rey sends Del Rio to the floor and hits a seated splash. Sin Cara with an enzuigiri that knocks Ziggler off the apron. Jericho tries for the Walls of Jericho but Sheamus escapes.
Sheamus blocks a Codebreaker but he misses a Brogue kick. Ziggler punches Jericho when he sets for a springboard drop kick. Sheamus knocks Ziggler off the apron and Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick for the three count.
Winners: Sheamus, Sin Cara, and Rey Mysterio
We go to commercial.
We are back and the booth is two men again.
Jerry and Michael talk about Tout and we see some thoughts on the wedding from some of the WWE Universe.
Michael says that we have a special guest from Los Angeles. Charlie Sheen is on Skype. Charlie congratulates them on their 1000th episode. He says that he would fit in well with Degeneration X. Charlie says that he would have made a good home in WWE.
Michael talks about the wedding between Daniel Bryan and AJ Lee. We see a video package showing us the most electrifying couple in the history of sports entertainment.
AJ is in her dressing room and she talks about how special it will be. She asks Layla what she thinks. Layla asks AJ if she wants to go through with this. AJ wonders why people are calling her mentally unstable. She tells everyone to look outside and Jim Duggan is out there. Then Roddy Piper and R Truth are playing jump rope with Little Jimmy.
Mae Young is in the hall with her hand and he is all grown up.
Layla wishes AJ luck tonight and leaves.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we have a delivery from a Sonic waitress.
Match Number Two: Jack Swagger versus Brodus Clay with the Funkettes
Before the match, Brodus Clay brings out Dude Love.
Swagger misses a splash into the corner when Brodus talks to Dude Love. Brodus with a sheeeplex and a splash for the three count.
Winner: Brodus Clay
After the match, Dude Love introduces Mr. Socko to Jack.
Triple H is in the back with Trish Stratus and she talks about doing yoga. Trish has Hunter bent over doing some yoga and the members of DX enter and they say that they will be in the backdoor or the rear to wait for him.
X-Pac asks Trish what is up and Trish is not comfortable around him.
Daniel Bryan is in his tuxedo and he is with some people dressed in white.
We have a poll and a commercial.
We are back and it is time for a wrestling wedding so what can go wrong?
Jerry Lawler is in the ring and he brings out the reverend for the ceremony and it is Slick.
Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring and he Yeses down the aisle in his very dapper white tuxedo.
AJ comes down the aisle/ramp to the traditional wedding march in a very traditional wedding dress.
Slick starts the ceremony and says that everyone in the crowd are witnesses to this ceremony. Slick says that marriage is a sacred institution. He says that marriage should not be entered into lightly. It is between two people who are in love.
Slick asks if there is anyone who objects to speak now or forever hold their peace.
Daniel tells AJ that he knows that they have had their ups and downs but he loves her. He says that he will always love her. He promises that once he slips the ring on her finger and they are announced man and wife, a new chapter is going to begin for both of them. Daniel says that he will finally have everything that he has ever wanted.
Slick asks Daniel if he will have AJ to be his lawfully wedded wife and he says Yes.
AJ says Yes before Slick can even ask her.
AJ stops Slick before he pronounces them man and wife.
AJ says that she wasn’t saying yes to Daniel. She was saying yes to someone else.
Daniel is in shock at this announcement.
She says that it is another man. Another man who made a proposal to her earlier tonight.
Vince McMahon makes his way onto the stage. Vince says that it was a business proposal. In the interest of making Raw 1001 and beyond more interesting, he brings out the new General Manager of Raw . . . AJ.
AJ gives Daniel her bouquet and skips around Daniel and leaves the ring.
Daniel cannot believe what just happened as AJ skips up the ramp and starts Yesing on the stage.
Daniel attacks the wedding accessories in the ring.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Daniel Bryan is still in the ring yelling ‘NO’ while referees try to get him out of the ring.
CM Punk comes out to talk to one side of the love triangle after Bryan was left at the altar.
Punk tells Daniel he didn’t come out here to rub it in Daniel’s face, but Daniel did just get stood up at the altar. Punk says that it couldn’t have happened to a better guy. Why wouldn’t AJ want to marry such a nice guy. Punk says that he would have thrown a fit like Bryan because AJ as the general manager probably does not bode well for Bryan’s future on Raw.
Punk tells Bryan to throw a tantrum while he continues to be the WWE Champion and best in the world.
Bryan says that Punk isn’t even the best in the ring tonight. Bryan tells Punk that not only is he better than Punk, he is the greatest WWE Superstar of All Time.
The Rock comes out and interrupts the battle of who is the Best in the World.
Rock tells Daniel Bryan that he doesn’t get to say who the Greatest of All Time is . . . they get to say who the Greatest of All Time is. Rock throws out a FINALLY and the crowd is in his hands.
Bryan stops the Rock and he says that he doesn’t know who Rock thinks he is.
Rock stops Bryan and he says that you don’t cut the Rock off like that.
Bryan and Rock stare each other down and says that you don’t cut the Rock off like that. It was right here where Rock won his first WWE Championship. Rock says that he isn’t here right now to talk to Frodo. The Rock is here to talk about the WWE Championship.
Rock says that at the Royal Rumble, whoever the WWE Champion is will go one-on-one with the Great One and they will defend the title against The Rock.
Punk says that is good news for Rock and him because he tells Rocky that ‘whoever is WWE Champ’ is in the ring with him. Punk says that he will beat John Cena and if Rock wants a shot at the Royal Rumble, he wishes that it was tomorrow because he likes the idea of Rock versus CM Punk. He says that he will beat the Rock at the Royal Rumble.
Rock tells Punk that it was right here that Rock won his first WWE Championsip, it would be fitting that he will look Punk in the eye that at the Royal Rumble, he will be the next WWE Champion.
Daniel Bryan jumps in and says a few NOS. This is supposed to be about him. This was supposed to be the greatest night of his life. Bryan tells Rock that he will fight him. Not only will he be the champion, he will be the face of the WWE.
Rock asks if he is looking at the face of the WWE. He says that we are looking at what would happen if a homeless lumberjack banged an oompa loompa. He then starts an Oompa Loompa song and says that Bryan looks like a troll from Lord of the Rings.
Rock wishes Punk luck against Cena and then he says that he brought a wedding gift for Bryan. Rock gives Bryan a Rock Bottom and then he tells everyone to smell what he is cooking before leaving the ring.
We go to commercial.
Coverage continues on next page.
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