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EXTREME STRIP POKER ECW TV REPORT
by Richard Trionfo

Last night was the season premiere of Raw and it featured appearances by a number of ECW wrestlers. How will things be when they return to their own ‘extreme’ environment? What is going to happen when we see ‘Extreme Strip Poker’ featuring two women from each of the three brands? Will we go all in with the action or will the flop be a bust? What is next for CM Punk and Mike Knox since it appears that Kelly has an interest in the man who follows the straight edge philosophy? What will Big Show do now that he has taken care of two of Raw’s superstars? 

Tonight’s show starts off with a warning that tonight’s program contains sexually explicit material intended for adult audiences.

Balls Mahoney welcomes us to tonight’s show and he mentions that for the first time ever, the sexiest women on television will be playing a game of Extreme Strip Poker. He promises that one or more of the Divas will get naked. We get the introductions of the participants. Trinity is first to introduce herself. Kelly is next and she says that since she is an exhibitionist, she might not be wearing any underwear tonight. Maria is next, followed by Candice Michelle. Ashley is the next Diva to introduce herself and describe her outfit, and Kristal is last.

Balls says that they will not be playing five card draw or Texas Hold Em. Instead, they are going to be dealt one card and the lowest card loses and has to take off some clothing. They start off with a ‘social’, but Kelly cannot participate since she is only nineteen. The first hand is lost by Ashley and she claims to be the ‘shy type’ so she takes off her shirt and she hands it to Balls. 

We are live on tape from Wichita, Kansas and your announcers are Joey ‘Top Pair’ Styles and Tazz.

Match Number One: CM Punk versus Rene Dupree
Punk with a hammer lock into a side head lock and a drop kick to the thigh. Punk with a snap mare into a cover. 

We go to a split screen so we can see what is going on with the Extreme Strip Poker during the match. It turns out that Kelly has lost the next hand. 

Meanwhile back in Kansas, Punk hits a series of knees in the corner. Dupree with a kick and punches but he misses a drop kick when Punk moves out of the way. Punk with more punches and knees. Punk with a back body drop but he charges into the corner and Dupree with a back body drop that sends Punk to the apron and then Dupree hits an elbow and drop kick that sends Punk from the apron into the announce table. Dupree rolls Punk back into the ring and he can only get a two count. Dupree with forearms to Punk’s forehead. 

We return to split screen action and Trinity is the next person to lose a hand. Dupree works on Punk’s head and neck and he hits a series of elbows. Punk lands on his feet when Dupree tries for a belly-to-back suplex and both men exchange forearms. Punk with a series of kicks, but he misses the roundhouse kick. Punk with two back elbows and a jumping leg lariat. Punk with a running kick into the corner followed by a bulldog for a two count. Punk goes to the apron and he tries for a springboard move, but Dupree moves out of the way. Dupree with a kick and punch. Punk with a scoop power slam for a two count and then he puts Dupree in the Anaconda Vice and Dupree taps.
Winner: CM Punk

We return to the Extreme Strip Poker and it is time for the next hand and Maria and Candice tie. Balls makes the ruling that both ladies have to remove some clothing. Maria removes her stockings and Balls catches one in his mouth. Candice removes her skirt. We go to commercial.

We are back and it is time for more poker. This hand is dealer’s choice so he gets to choose the article of clothing the loser has to remove. Kristal loses the hand and Balls has Kristal take off her skirt. Kristal gets in Ashley’s face and they have some words before we return to Kansas.

Match Number Two: Kevin Thorn (with Ariel) versus Tommy Dreamer
Dreamer backs Thorn into the corner and Dreamer with a series of kicks and a few Irish whips. Dreamer charges into the corner but Thorn moves out of the way and Dreamer goes shoulder first into the ring post. 

We go to more split screen action with the Extreme Strip Poker and Ashley has lost the next hand and she removes her shoes. Thorn kicks Dreamer in the shoulder as we return to the wrestling action. Thorn uses the ropes to work on Dreamer’s arm. 

The split screen is back as we see that Candice just lost a hand because she is taking off her top. In the ring, Dreamer with a rollup on Thorn for a two count. Thorn with a key lock on Dreamer followed by a slam. Thorn misses a diving head butt and Dreamer with a kick when Thorn charges into the corner. Dreamer with a series of punches and Thorn goes down. Dreamer with a suplex and then he hits a sit out spinebuster on Thorn for a near fall. Dreamer goes outside and grabs the walking stick from Ariel before she can use it. Thorn hits Dreamer from behind. Dreamer gets back into the ring and he kicks Thorn before Thorn can get back in and then Dreamer tries for an elbow from the second turnbuckle while Thorn is in the ropes. Thorn moves and Dreamer misses the elbow. Thorn hits a sit out uranage but Thorn can only get a two count. Dreamer with a punch to Thorn’s leg and then he drops Thorn’s back across the top rope. Dreamer with a DDT for the three count.
Winner: Tommy Dreamer

We return to the Strip Poker and Kristal loses the next hand. She removes her shoes. We go to commercial.

We are back with footage of Bob Holly’s match with Rob Van Dam from two weeks ago when Holly lacerated his back on a suplex through a table from the apron to the floor. Then we go to footage from last week when Heyman refused to give Holly a match against Rob Van Dam; and Test attacking Holly with a chair.

We return to the poker and Trinity asks Maria and Candice about how hot John Cena is. Candice and Maria talk about how he is a movie star. Trinity says that she loves a man in uniform and Candice says that she loves a man out of uniform. Maria joins in the conversation by saying that she loves ponies and after a moment of silence from the ladies, Maria says that she thought they were sharing things. Trinity then asks about Batista. Kristal asks Kelly about her and CM Punk. Balls stops the conversation for the next hand. Kelly loses the hand and Kelly removes her skirt as well as her top. Kelly goes for the trifecta as she takes off her bra. We go to commercial before she can turn around.

We are back with the Marine premiere video package.

While Sandman drinks beer in Kansas, we see Ashley remove her skirt at the poker game. Kristal loses her top after losing a hand. 

Match Number Three: Rob Van Dam, Sabu, and Sandman versus Big Show, Matt Striker, and Test
Van Dam and Test start things off and Test backs Van Dam into the corner but he misses a punch. Van Dam responds with punches but Test is able to turn the tables and he connects with elbows and kicks in the corner. Test with an Irish whip but he charges into an elbow and then Van Dam hits a cross body for a two count. Test with a kick and punch but Van Dam with a spin kick followed by the step over spin kick. Sabu is tagged in and they hit the Rolling Thunder combination on Test and Sabu gets a two count. Test with an Irish whip and Sabu moves out of the way when Test charges and Sabu hits a springboard leg lariat for a two count. Sandman tags in and he punches Test but Test with a back elbow. Test with a punch to Sandman and Striker is tagged in. Striker punches Sandman while Test holds Sandman. 

Time for some more split screen action as Maria has lost the next hand and she loses her skirt. 

Striker holds on to the ropes and he tags in Sandman. Show tosses Sandman to the mat and he punches Sandman in the corner followed by a head butt.

More split screen action and Trinity loses the next hand and her skirt. Sandman gets a chop from Big Show but Sandman with a thumb to the eye and he tags in Sabu. Sabu punches Show but Test hits Sabu as he comes off the ropes. Show punches Sabu and he tags in Test. Sabu punches Test but Test with a knee. Sabu comes off the ropes but Test hits a clothesline and we go to commercial.

We are back and Test hits a back breaker followed by a side slam for a two count. Striker tags in and he punches Sabu. Sabu punches back but Striker rakes the eyes. Sabu blocks a hip toss and he tries for one of his own, but Striker blocks that and connects with a thumb to the eyes and a neck breaker for a two count. Striker with a running boot across the face that sends Sabu out of the ring. While Show holds Sandman and Van Dam at bay, Test runs Sabu’s back into the ring post. Striker with a neck vice on Sabu followed by a series of knees and a short arm clothesline for a two count. Show tags in and he punches Sabu and then he gets Sabu up for a vertical choke and then he tosses Sabu to the mat. Show teases Van Dam on the apron as he keeps Sabu from making the tag. Show with a chop and then he mocks Van Dam. Sabu with a punch and a flying clothesline but Show stays on his feet. Sabu tries for another move off the ropes, but he runs into a shoulder from Show.

We go back to the split screen as it appears that Maria has lost another hand and her top comes off. 

Show sets up for a choke slam, but Sabu counters with a DDT and both men are down. Sabu rolls over for a two count. Show makes the tag and he pulls Sabu towards his corner. Test enters the ring and he kicks Sabu and puts him in a bear hug. Sabu gets out of the hold, but he runs into a clothesline from Test. Striker tags in and he comes off the turnbuckle, but Sabu hits a back kick. Sabu with an enzuigiri and then he tags in Van Dam. Van Dam with clotheslines to Striker followed by a spin kick and a monkey flip. Van Dam hits a running spin kick in the corner on Striker. Van Dam hits a side kick from the top turnbuckle and then he goes up top for the Five Star Frog Splash. Test comes in and Van Dam leaps over Test and then he hits a super kick on Test. Sabu hits Air Sabu off Van Dam’s back. Sandman with a clothesline that sends Test over the top rope to the floor. Van Dam and Sabu with a double drop kick to Show’s knees and Show hits the apron as he goes to the floor. Van Dam goes up top and he hits the Five Star Frog Splash. Sandman wants to tag in to take care of Striker and Van Dam obliges. Van Dam hits a pescado onto Test while Sandman punches Striker in the center of the ring. Sandman hits a swanton bomb for the three count.
Winners: Sandman, Rob Van Dam, and Sabu

We return to the poker game and Candice loses the hand and she is about to take off her bra but she wonders why there are so many aces on the table when she gets a two. Maria wonders if Candice is embarrassed. Candice accuses Maria of cheating and Maria says that she does not know how to cheat. Candice rips off Maria’s bra and Maria returns the favor. Then Candice takes off Maria’s panties. While Candice celebrates, a digitized Maria removes Candice’s panties. Ashley, Trinity, and Kristal try to separate the Raw Divas as Balls pounds the table and chants ECW. We go to credits.

ECW Thoughts:

What did Balls Mahoney have to do to get to be the dealer for the Extreme Strip Poker? I guess they should have changed the name to ‘Extreme Low Card Striptease’. I thought it was funny that the women were anxious to lose their clothing, but they were celebrating getting high cards so their clothing would stay on. 

I liked that CM Punk used different moves to set up the Anaconda Vice. That will help build his character because he does not need to use the same set of moves to finish his matches.

I was surprised that Tommy Dreamer got the victory because like Mike, Dave, Buck, and Jess have always said that Tommy Dreamer was not about getting victories. 

The main event was a solid match. Test has been very impressive in his time back in the company. I guess that is what happens when you are booked properly.

I wonder why Test did not have his boots laced up during the match.

As for the focus of tonight’s show, I would say the Extreme Strip Poker was a mixed bag. In the past, the WWE has done a great job of ruining situations where they have attractive women onscreen. While there were some awkward moments, like the ‘spontaneous’ conversations about Batista and John Cena. It was also interesting to see Kelly covering her breasts while she claims to be an exhibitionist. Since they ended up digitizing the final segment, why not have Kelly sitting there ‘being an exhibitionist’ instead of looking like someone who is shy about showing off her body. At least Mike Knox didn’t storm in and cover Kelly up. I guess this means that we will have a Maria/Candice feud on Raw, or maybe it will all be forgotten.

Feel free to send feedback to richard@pwinsider.com.

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