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4/18 GCW IMMORTAL CLUSTER REPORT FROM LAS VEGAS

GCW “The Immortal Clusterf***”

4/19/26 Las Vegas

Match 1: Otis Cogar(c) Matt Tremont (Hardcore Kingdom Steel Cage match for the GCW Ultraviolent Championship)

We’re finally kicking this off after a 45 minute start time delay. This cage looks gnarly. Light tubes in the ropes, barbed wire at the top of the cage. Tack bats hanging in the corners. F***ery scattered around the ring. Tremont’s unicorn horn is taped up already. IYKYK. Otis charges…Tremont barely makes a leapfrog and Cogar crashes into a glass pane. Here we go. Otis’ elbow is gashed open as Tremont bounces him off the light tubes. Tremont raining down stabbing blows with a fork while screaming “ABDULLLAAAAHH!!!” Tremont is bleeding but that’s mostly because he smashed a light tube into his own head. Tremont sent through a barbed wire door…Cogar puts a pane of glass on him, smashes it with a chair and sabu’s him with the steel. Big assault with a pair of tack bats and Matt is gushing and shiny with tacks. Cogar grabs his straight razor and starts cutting the tacks out of Tremont’s head. This is f***ing gnarly. Cogar with a lick on Tremont’s bloody head. Thinking for the poor ref who seems to be wearing padded gloves around all these tacks and glass…and not like…a hazard suit. Lol. Cogar misses a swanton and goes right into a bunch of tacks and broken glass. Tremont lives! DVD through another barbed wire door. “payback’s a b****!” as Tremont rains light tubes onto Otis’ head. Vandal48 are trying to get into the cage. Atticus Cogar and Christian Napier use a flag to cover the barbed wire on top of the cage to climb into the fray. This is becoming a three on one handicap match. Otis goes to the very top of the cage…high moonsault whiffs entirely and Otis crashes into the glass! Tremont manages to trap Atticus and Napier in the corner and ties them to the buckles. He forces Otis to watch as he batters Atticus and Napier with a chair into unconsciousness. We got a light tube bundle! Tremont sets it up and frog splashes off the top rope to get the three on Otis. Tremont is the new Ultraviolent Champion! “I TOLD ALL THREE OF YOU. I WAS GONNA GET MY F***ING BELT BACK!!!”. Absolute carnage left in the ring. Time to clean this up and get to the Clusterf***.

We watch some GCW highlights while they set up for the main event. This is a LONG break. It’s almost 3amEST and I want this to get going. I think they did it this way last year and Inwas tired and grumpy about it then too. lol.

Main Event: The Immortal Clusterf***

The wildest rumble of the year closes out the Collective. Who knows how many people will be in it. Eliminations are by pinfall, submission, being thrown over the top rope and both feet touching the floor, leaving the building or DEATH.

We start this f***ing thing with: Man Like Dereiss (who raps to the rings when I say 01, you say 21!) and Marcus Mathers (who is carried to the ring on the shoulders of fans)! This is a cool opening. They quickly go for pinfall after pinfall but work to a stalemate. Dereiss tossed over the top and almost touched the floor! 

Entrant 3: Sam Holloway (w/ Alex Abrahantes)

Alex says he’s here to find the man with the most hype. He says it’s Holloway. Holloway and Marcus had history during their time in the WWE ID program. They go right at it and we immediately get more entrants.

Entrants 4: Bustah & the Brain (Jordan Oliver & Alec Price)

B&B align with Mathers to lay Holloway out and sends him to the floor.

Entrants 5: The Backseat Boys (JP & Tommy Grayson) with Angel Orsini

Really good double crucifix slam to Dereiss before they get head to head with B&B. Holloway and Mathers are brawling on the floor through the crowd. Orsini takes a dive to the floor to wipe out everything.

Entrant 6: Tombstone Tom Shire

This big cowboy easily hits a double chokeslam on the Backseat Boys and eliminates them both.

Entrant 7: Shotzi Blackheart

Shire and Holloway are big boys, squaring off in the center as Shotzi comes flying to the ring. In the chaos, Mathers clotheslines Holloway over the top…Hardway is OUT!

Entrant 8: Brick Savage (w/ Alex Abrahantes)

Let’s see if Alex’s second pick will do better. He introduces Brick just like Holloway. Something about a stopped clock goes through my mind. Brick lays out Dereiss with a huge forearm. Mathers doesn’t care much better. Price and Oliver get powerbombed out of the sky. Shotzi comes flying….right into a last ride. Jeeeesus. Shire is ready to fight THIS big man. They lay each other out as Teenage Dirtbag rings out.

Entrant 9: Spider Nate Webb

It’s time to sing the entirety of this Wheatus song…but no! Interruption!

Entrant 10: Shooter Boys (Aaron Ortiz & Anthony Vecchio) w/ BECCA

BECCA is gonna sing her whole song and the Shooters blindside Webb! 

Entrant 12: Backslider Girls (Kingsley & ???)

They sing their way the ring until they are interrupted by mariachi music!

Entrant 13: Mariachi Montagne

That swing and slam the Shooters. They give Becca the same treatment, backslide Girls come in to dance. Dereiss is upset that everyone performs music now. What’s with all the gimmick infringement?!? Kingsley says we’re all in this together. So they all sing that song from High School Musical. Clusterf***, y’all.

Entrant 14: KJ Orso

He’s mad about all the singing and dancing.  No one likes the interruptions….especially by Orso. He says they don’t belong in the same ring as him….so Dereiss clubs him with a mic. Everyone takes a shot on KJ and stomp him out. Orso ducks and Shotzi accidentally clotheslines Dereiss over the top. Booo!

Entrant 15: Sam Stackhouse

Big Man doing big murder. He double eliminates Mariachi Montagne with a clothesline. Shooter Boys and Becca are out. Webb is sent out. Kingsley is pinned after a torture rack double stomp. Brick Savage in and Olympic slams him. Stackhouse sends Brick over the top but he lands on ONE FOOT! He gets back in there and pulls Stackhouse over the ropes to the floor, sacrificing himself in the process.

Entrant 16: Manders

Manders and Shire look to have a scrap with the GCW tag champs, Bustah and the Brain. Big lariats cut down the skinny lads.

Entrant 17: Flyin’ Ryan O’Neill

I like Ryan! He flies in and goes right at the cowboys! Destroyer to Orso! 

Entrant 18: The Texas Outlaws (Wyatt and Wayne Rhodes)

We now have 4 cowboys in this match. O’Neill wants to take them all on. Points for bravery/stupidity. The cowboys pick him up and torpedo him to the floor for the elimination. Marcus Mathers is the next victim. The cowboy teams finally square up and go to war. B&B get into the fray. Wayne crashes into Wyatt and eliminates his brother?! Kick combo and a block Bustah to Wyatt gets the pin! 

Entrant 19: Brooke Havoc

She goes RIGHT for Shotzi. Shore gets into it and Brooke DDT’s him hard. Manders wants a piece? She doesn’t back down…and Manders chops the life out of her. But….she is not officially dead…and such is still in the match.

Entrant 20: Dark Sheik

Sheik and Havoc hit a total elimination on Oliver and then make out in the center of the ring. 

Entrant 21: Matt Mako

Brooke’s eyes go wide as Mako has picked his first target, KJ Orso interjects because the attention must be on him. Orso with a heavy kick. Sheik eats a superplex and powerbomb before it’s back to Mako and Brooke.

Entrant 22: Beast Man

Whatever war Brooke and Mako had going is put on hold as they try to deal with the huuuuuge Beast Man. Swining uranage to Mako. Beast Man powerbombs Havoc into Mako and he pins them both for the three. Dark Sheik flies from the top…and bounces off of Beast Man’s frame. Sheik drags Beast Man to the apron and presses the attack till he hits the floor!

Entrant 23: Shawn Ross Sapp

Like….Shawn Ross Sapp? When is Mike Johnson joining the Clusterf***??? Sapp goes right for Shotzi. 

Entrant 24: Bryan Alvarez

WHAT. It’s a reporter fight! They trade chops. Alvarez hits a superkick and gets the three on Sapp. KJ Orso blindsides Alvarez and gets the three…and then eliminates him again with a top rope toss. Orso tries to kill Shotzi but his double stomp results in knees to his nards. Blackheart tosses Orso over the top!

Entrant 25: Stunt Marshall

The Power Slap competitor cracks Shotzi on the jaw. He hits the floor and cracks everyone who steps up.

Entrant 26: Juicy Finau

Marshall and Finau are about to have a little slap fight?!? They are definitely not in the same divisions. Marshall opts to eat the first slap. But then he eye pokes Juicy and throws an ineffective slap. Marshall  tries a dive but Juicy headbutts him out of the sky. Another headbuttt and Stunt Marshall is sent flying over the top.

Entrant 27: Hollyhood Haley J

Another Powerslapper! She wants juicy! She cracks him but Juicy fireman carries her. Stunt Marshall hops on the apron and cracks Juicy. Haley J slips the hold and pushes Juicy over the top! He’s out!

Entrant 28: Killer Kelly

Haley J isn’t unnerved by the psychotic smile of Killer Kelly. She goes for some Power slaps but Kelly headbutts her.

Entrant 29: Airica Demia

Demia brings the fight right to Dark Shiek but she poses too much and Sheik gets into full control quickly.

Entrant 30: Gisele Shaw

Faceplants to Demia. Cutter to Shotzi! Gisele taking it to every lady in this fight until everyone is laid out. Demia pulls Gisele up for the kill but gets tossed out. Killer Kelly starts taking a bite out of every butt in the ring. All the ladies get sick of this and gang up on Kelly to send her to the floor. Sheik and Gisele fight up to the top rope….they tumble off the buckles and both hit the floor.

Entrant 31: Jazzy Yang, Jay Lucas, Bobby Flaco & Terry Yaki

The Atlanta crew hit the ring as we hear a familiar voice.

Entrant 32: The Invisible Man (w/ Alex Abrahantes)

Back 24 hours are retiring the Sandman, IM is cleaning house. He tosses Alec Price and Jordan Oliver. They’re out! Manders hits the cowboy lariat but invisible man tosses him too! Shire trying a big boot but he gets caught up and Invisible Man tosses him! Yang into the fight…she eats a poisonrana and is down for the three! Big lucha moves to Bobby Flaco and he is arm dragged over the top! Invisible Man is a killer tonight! Lucas trying for a powerbomb but he’s reversed to the floor. Terry Yaki spiked with a tornado ddt! He’s out too!

Entrant 33: Channing Decker, Emily Jay, Ian Maxwell, Alex

Ian and Alex get tossed quick. Emily finally low blows Invisible Man. IM tricks Emily and Decker into kissing and he rolls up Jay for the three. Decker cracks Invisible Man with a chair! He sets up the steel….Decker drop toe holded into the chairs. The chair gets wrapped around Decker’s throat and Decker taps out!

Entrant 34: Joey Janela

Janela comes out to “Enter Sandman” just to troll the crowd. He gets massive boos as he enters the ring. Invisible Man laying in the shots early. Joey wants a superplex ?!?  He holds Invisible Man in the vertical suplex for like thirty seconds! He drops him on the Buckles and goes for the pin! Kickout! Janela hits like 5 destroyers but kicks out! He finally hits a “I’m sorry I love you” superkick and gets the three. The terror of Invisible Man is over!

Entrant 35: Star Man

Yes, from the original NES Pro Wrestling video game. he glitched freezes mid-lariat. Joey unzips the costume to see who is in there…it’s STARBOY CHARLIE! Super corkscrew splash to Janela for two! Janela escapes the Cosmic Swirl…DVD for two! Starboy with a rana and he locks the legs in a jackknife and gets the three! Who’s next??? Shotzi back into the fight and she throws Charlie into the buckles. Powerbomb for two! 

Entrant 36: Jimmy Lloyd?

The original Clusterf*** winner is here! Is he? Wait…who is that? That’s not Jimmy Lloyd. He sure looks like him. Actually I think that’s Kasey Owens. 

Entrant 37: Don Freeze

They scramble and Freeze throws “Lloyd” back as our next entrant hits.

Entrant 38: Maya World

Maya tries to dress up Don Freeze in here ring gear. It’s a ruse as she tries to cartwheel at him. He’s wise to it but she begs off and he listens. That sets her up to drop him and hit a moonsault for two. “Jimmy” in on the attack.

Entrant 39: LJ Cleary

He out poses Maya World. He nut taps Freeze. Cleary alone as we get….

Entrant 40: Monomoth

Jordan Cassel shouts out Monomoth’s match with Landon Hale that put him on the map in the US. Bronco Buster to Cleary! Maya with a hard slap to the rear.

Entrant 41: D-Lo Brown

Brown was ON COMMENTARY and drops his headset to get into the fight! Cleary tries to give him hairstyling tips….read the room, kid. Brown quickly tosses him. DonnFreeze right in there but runs into a Lowdown. Freeze is staggered and D-Lo sent him over the top. Monomoth in there to fight and has no idea who D-lo is. He throws a dozen kicks into Brown’s chest but no effect. Brown slams Monomoth out of the ring. Maya World back in there. Brown doesn’t want to fight her. Big slap? D-Lo  tries the Lowdown….Maya head scissors him over the top. 

Entrant 42: Nixi XS

It’s a fashion showdown. It’s a pose down. Nah it’s a fight. 

Entrant 43: Sleepy Ed

Everyone goes quiet for the the king of the dream match. He curls up and takes a nap at Nixi’s feet. She tries to pin him quietly but he rolls over and she becomes hugged like a stuffed Animal?!? Technically this is a submission attempt and she won’t quit. Nico finally screams for Ed to WAKE UP! She lays stomps in

Entrant 44: Will Keidis, Sam Jack Osborne, Reese Maddox, Manny Lemons, Jimmy Townsend

This squad quickly breaks up and fights among their themselves. 

Entrant 45: a trio of inflatable T-Rex’s

Keidis leads a slugfest against the dinosaurs. A triple Jurassic headbutt sends Keidis out. They kill Osboune and then eliminate the other 3 Australians. Sleep Ed fires a mist of Ny Quil at all the dinosaurs! All the dinosaurs have gone extinct, they’re out.

Entrant 46: Parrow

Heeeeeeere we go. Parrow drags a chain to the ring. Ed mists Parrow. He attacks with his pillow. Heavy right hand from Parrow! Ed goes back to sleep. Parrow tries the pin but Ed rolls over again. He shoves Ed off the apron because this is not what he wants to do.

Entrant 47: L

Emil announces that the second twink gauntlet has begun. Parrow asks for more twinks.

Entrant 48: Junie Underwood

Entrant 49: Anakin Murphy

Entrant 50: Devious Cass

More twinks to attack Parrow. “The twinks have been unleashed!” All four twinks try to eliminate Parrow…..nope, he eliminates them all. And then he tosses Sleepy Ed.

Entrant 51: Classy Ali

Parrow gets a towel thrown in his face and then throws Ali over the top.

Entrant 52: Study Sal Mastretta

He football charges to the ring. Parrow asks for the football. Sal hits a northern lights! He wants a spear but nope. Sal sent flying over the top!

Entrant 53: Cereal Man

Definitely not a lucha Tony the Tiger. He clobbers Parrow with a cereal box. He waterboards Parrow with dry cereal! Them His costume “falls” off and Parrow tosses him. Nixi XS back in there and gives Parrow a set of purple nurples. That annoys him

So he tosses her too.

Entrant 54: CPA

CPA defeated Parrow earlier today at the Big Gay Brunch. Sooooo, revenge Time? Parrow falls victim to the clip on tie gimmick. Parrow hits a Fire Thunder driver and CPA rolls out.

Entrant 55: Bear Bronson

That was BEAR’S F***ING FINISH. Time to kill this monster. Big slam to Parrow takes him off his feet finally.

Entrant 56: Gabby Forza

Savage Gnomes vs Parrow let’s goooooo! Gabby spears Parrow and they toss him over the top! He kisses him wife’s hand before trying to eliminate her…Gabby reverses him and hits a jackhammer for the three on Bear!!! Haley J is still here? She comes for a piece of Gnomie.

Entrant 57: 25 Cent

Yes, this is a micro version of the rapper. He stomps Haley’s feet. He slaps her and she’s staggered. 25 with the rollup and gets the three!

Entrant 58: Jimmy Lloyd (for real this time)

Real Jimmy has a chair. He opts to not kill 25 center with it and instead hits a Michanoku driver for the three. Fake Jimmy slides in and we have a mirror spot. Real Jimmy cracks him with a chair and a slam of the shoulders put fake Jimmy away.

Entrant 59: Heather Slater

Slater sabu’s Nimmy. Hard shots to the back. A sling blade drops Jimmy for the three.

Entrant 60: Mulletman

Mullet mania is here. He does the full hulk up combo until Slater dodges the leg drop and hits his own. Mullet man kicks out?!? 

Entrant 61: Tombstone Jesus

Jesus and Mulletman work to send Slater out…and….they do! Everyone looks surprised as Tombstone Jesus and Mulletman square off. Gabby slides in to go toe to toe with Jesus. She spears him off the apron! Mullet man tries the hulk up. Shotzi gets in there and they eliminate Mulletman.

Entrant 62: Vipress

She sets up a sister Abigail and makes out with Shotzi instead. Gabby tries a vertical suplex…right to the brawl. Shotzi joins the fight and they leave Gabby laying on the mat.

Entrant 63: Frank the Clown

Frank says that GCW has been humiliating him for years. He says no more Brodie Lee Junior…and especially no more Mick “Wegovy” Foleys. Hmmmmm. Frank wants to recruit the ladies in the ring to burn down GCW. They reject Frank and stop the hell out of him.

Entrant 64: SLADE

THE ladies feed Frank to SLADE. He wraps a trash can around him and gets the kill shot and the elimination. CPA gets in there to square off. Here comes…

Entrant 65: The Production (Katie Arquette & Derek Dillinger)

They try to wipe out CPA but the entire ring sends them out. The ladies start stomping out SLADE in the corner. 

Entrant 66: Tara zep

Everyone tries to kill her but she has answers for everything.

Entrant 67: Toby Kline w/ Billy Graham 

SLADE is busted open as he goes toe to toe with Kline.

Entrant 68: Conor Claxton 

Claxton has a chair already. Big spinning driver to Zep and he gets a quick 3.

Entrant 69: Dr Redacted

THE FINAL ENTRANT!!!!!! We got a barbed wire board and Claxton goes through it Redacted with some green mist. He kills Graham with a chair while Kline pins Claxton for the three. Gabby slams Graham and pins him. Reacted sabu’s her and SLADE sends Gabby over the top. Redacted  decides to attack Gabby and Claxton…he dives off the top of and eliminates himself Mil Mascaras style. CPA back in. 1099 to SLADE connects! SLADE chokeslams Shotzi into CPA and then tosses the taxman. SLADE pressslams Vipress to the floor.

We’re down to SLADE and Shotzi Blackheart. Hard chair shot to the back of Shotzi. He charges him with a chair….Shotzi backdrops SLADE to the floor….

SHOTZI BLACKHEART HAS WON THE IMMORTAL CLUSTERF***!

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