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AEW DARK REPORT

Excalibur, Taz, and Anthony Ogogo welcome to an “absolute unit of an episode of Dark." I don’t know what that means. 

Jon Moxley comes through the arena to meet his opponent, Jon Cruz. First Dark appearance for Moxley in quite some time. Cruz starts off hot to grab an early advantage. Taz is whining that Moxley has orange somewhere on his gear. Moxley sets up for the Paradigm Shift, but nope, cinches in a choke, and Cruz goes limp. 

Bear Country comes to the ring to take on Chaos Project. Nice to know we’re airing matches out of their shooting order. Serpentico has no luck with the size advantage that Bear Boulder has on him. Bear Bronson tags in, but Luther causes the distraction for Chaos Project to gain their advantage. Luther continues to use Serpentico as a weapon. Chaos Project work on Bronson’s knee until Bronson is able to make the tag. Bear Country hit their elevated splash on Serpentico to get the win. Have I missed a Bear Country is All Elite graphic? Are they full-time here?

The Butcher and the Blade are facing Jake St. Patrick and Sage Scott, who are already in the ring. I’m digging that the non-contracted/underneath guys don’t get entrances anymore. It might sound harsh, but it legitimately shaves 15 minutes from the show. Butcher and Blade start aggressively before the bell, not even taking their jackets off. Quick work for Butcher and the Blade, defeating St. Patrick and Scott soundly. Butcher and Blade do the in-camera promo, shouting that they’re coming for Bears.

Renee Michelle is already in the ring, making her AEW debut, taking on Shanna. Shanna can’t get the bridge on the tiger suplex, but still gets the lateral press. 

Silver and Reynolds are taking on Eric James and VSK next. Dark Order salute on the stage. Eric James has old pictures of Britney and Justin Timberlake on his knee pads for some reason. Dark Destroyer on VSK for the win. 

John Skyler makes his Dark return teaming with Baron Black to take on Jurassic Express. And that quickly, Baron Black eats Jurassic Express’ double team finisher and gets pinned. The commentary tries to put over that Express is pissed after their recent run-ins with FTR. 

Vertvixen is in the ring awaiting her opponent, Tay Conti. Anna Jay is with her, but no Dark Order. Judo throws, knee strikes, and that submission that hasn’t been named. Tay Conti gets the tap out win heading into the Eliminator Tournament. 

Eddie Kingston races to the ring to take on Aaron Solow, one of the new members of Nightmare Family, for whatever that’s actually worth within the storylines. Kingston hits the Backfirst to the Future to get the pinfall. 

Ricky Starks, accompanied by Hook, takes on KC Navarro. The bell rings. Starks hits a spear and gets the three count. That’s it. And Ricky Starks heads to the commentary table to do commentary on his own replay. 

Brandon Cutler facing Misterioso is next. This is Misterioso’s AEW debut. Misterioso gets the early advantage until Cutler gets the boots up to block a moonsault press. Cutler is about to push Misterosio off the top, and connect with a springboard elbow drop to get the pinfall. 

Ryzin’s in the ring, as Powerhouse Hobbs and Hook come to the ring. Ricky Starks is back on commentary. A big splash, the straps come down, and Hobbs hits his powerslam to get the pinfall. 

Anthony Ogogo is back on commentary. Nick Comoroto enters the arena with the Natural Nightmares, with the Nightmare Factory logo on his straitjacket. Fuego del Sol is already in the ring. Fuego tries to avoid contact, but once Comoroto gets a hold of Fuego, he doesn’t let up. Fuego slips out of the one-handed press slam, but can’t connect with the tornado DDT. A pop up powerslam gets Comoroto the win. 

Twelve matches in just over an hour. A handful of which where the entrances were longer than the matches themselves. A stark difference from those episodes that lasted two and a half hours.

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