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By Stuart Carapola on 2019-04-20 00:05:00

Welcome to the Impact Wrestling Report here on!

We start off with our usual video looking back at last week's show, then we head to the ring for our opening match...

Scarlett Bordeaux & Fallah Bahh vs Desi Hit Squad

Raju has trouble with Bahh's size and power, so he tags in Raj, who the fans chant "baldy" at.  Bahh steamrolls him too, hits a legdrop, then tags Scarlett in.  Scarlett lets Raj regain his feet, but he doesn't want to fight her, so he tags Raju in, and Raju holds the ropes open and tells Scarlett to get out.  Raj and Bahh tag back in, and now Bahh starts bulldozing the both of them until Raj powers Bahh up into a spinebuster.  Miscommunication leads to Bahh making the tag, and Raj and Bahh go to the floor while Rohit comes in and takes a few swings at Scarlett, who sends him to the floor with a flying headscissors.  Scarlett holds the ropes as Bahh hits a dive through the ropes.  Scarlett takes both of the Babalu Boyz out with a dive from the top to the floor, then we head back into the ring where Bahh hits both of the Desis with avalanches, then Scarlett hits a stinkface on Raj.  Rohit comes in and sits in the corner and begs for a stinkface, so she tells him to close his eyes, and then Bahh walks over and stinkfaces him.  Don seems to be enjoying this way too much as Bahh hits Raju with a Samoan drop, Singh comes in and drops Bahh, then Scarlett comes in and goes fro a German on Raj, and he blocks that, but she hits a jawbreaker, then sends Raj into Bahh, who hits a belly to belly suplex before letting Scarlett climb on his back for a boost on the Banzai drop.  Scarlett covers for the win.

Winners: Scarlett Bordeaux & Fallah Bahh

Entertaining opener, and Scarlett has some guts to hit some of the moves she does.

Fenix and Pentagon are backstage, and they cut a promo on both LAX and Eli Drake & Eddie Edwards.

The Deaners are coming to Impact, and they're still training while fighting over a beer.  Then they have beer together.

Eli Drake and Eddie Edwards (who has drawn a face on Kenny) are backstage being uneasily bro with each other.  They are coming for the tag title, and they (including Kenny) are coming for the Lucha Bros at Rebellion.

Josh and Don talk about stuff, then we go to Tommy Dreamer, who talks about his training with Johnny Rodz and Charlie Fulton, then says he's been a rebel his entire career, and he listened to a madman, but his madman was about a cause, and Madman Fulton's madman...okay, he lost me.  He's not afraid of Fulton, because he has fought the biggest and baddest, and he'll get violent on Fulton.

Moose vs Desmond Xavier

Xavier gets a side headlock and tries a takeover, but Moose not only doesn't budge, but he pats Xavier on the hear instead.  Xavier tires a few more times in vain to move Moose, who just casually shrugs him off again before patting him on the head.  Xavier finally starts firing punches at Moose, who just catches his fist, backs him to the corner, and tosses him across the ring.  Moose with a crushing bearhug, Xavier boxes the ears to get out, unloads another flurry of shots to Moose, but Moose picks him up as if going for a running powerslam, but instead lawn darts Xavier into the top turnbuckle.  Xavier is DEAD as Moose picks him back up and drills him with a chop.  Moose continues to methodically pick Xavier apart, but Xavier counters Go To Hell to a flying headscissors.  Moose takes his head off with a lariat and stands on his chest for 2.  Xavier finally manages to knodck Moose to the floor and tries a somersault dive, but Moose catches him, swings his head into the steps, then running powerbombs him on top of Trey and Wentz.  Moose sends Xavier into the ring, Trey tries to grab his ankle, but Moose tosses him into the ring and then right back out.  Wentz gets on the apron and hits a leaping enziguiri, allowing Xavier to roll him up for the upset win.

Winner: Desmond Xavier

What a 123 Kid moment.  Moose is livid at what just happened.

Kiera Hogan is looking around backstage when Rosemary teleports in and tells her she must be lost.  Kiera says Rosemary wants her to go away, just like she went away when she was here standing by the bunny's side.  Rosemary reminds Hogan that things would have been fine if the bunny listened, and...well, they end up throwing all their pent up rage out at each other before they start swinging, and Rosemary chokes Hogan out with a chain.

Moose is backstage and he is FURIOUS over losing on national TV, especially to someone like the Rascalz.  He says this is NOT happening.

The GWN Flashback takes us back to LAX vs the OGz from last year's Slammiversary, then we go to Tessa Blanchard, who is still mad at Gail Kim, and thinks she's trying to stop Tessa from becoming a Hall of Famer, because she doesn't want Tessa to surpass her.  She's the greatest women's wrestler on the planet, and she's on her way to becoming one of the best ever, while Gail is best known for, and I quote, "screwing some celebrity chef."  Speaking of which, she's at Gail's husband's restaurant, and she proceeds to go around and mess with all his customers, including one poor sap who thought Tessa was his date and got water thrown in his face as a result.  She takes clean silverware and dumps it on the floor before tormenting the chefs in the kitchen.  She calls Mr. Gail a fraud just like his wife, then pours everything she can find on one lame old chump before wiping her hands on the indignant, Bud Bundy-esque manager.  She smashes some plates, then issues Gail a warning.

We go backstage to Melissa Santos coming in to talk to Gail Kim, who says they're not pressing charges, but she sees what an entitled brat Tessa is, and it reminds her of herself at that age.  Charges aren't going to teach Tessa lessons: SHE WILL.

Madman Fulton vs Tommy Dreamer

Fulton starts out completely pounding on Tommy with clubbing blows, and Sami Callihan pulls Dreamer out to the floor and they wind up fighting.  The referee ejects Sami, and now Fulton has to go it alone.  Dreamer snaps Fulton's neck down on the top rope, but eats a big boot from Fulton.  Fulton gets a bearhug, Dreamer bites his way out, he goes up in the corner for punches, but Fulton carries Dreamer out for a powerbomb, and Dreamer reverses to a headscissors that takes both men over the top and to the floor.  It turns into an ECW brawl on the floor, and Dreamer dodges a charge that sends Fulton head first into the post.  Dreamer with a hard chop, and Fulton no-sells and crotches Dreamer on the barricade.  Fulton picks Dreamer up and slams him into the ring apron for a couple of times, then amateur rolls Dreamer into a bearhug.  Fulton with a suplex and a splash for 2, then back to the bearhug.  Fulton with a side suplex for 2, but misses a second rope headbutt.  Fulton is still easily up first, but Dreamer unloads with a flurry of punches and a couple Dusty elbows.  Dreamer bites Fulton and hits an Ace Crusher, but Fulton just pops up, punches Dreamer in the face, and Dreamer goes to the floor and gets a kendo stick.  Dreamer charges, Fulton picks him up, and hits a spinning End of Days for the win.

Winner: Madman Fulton

This wasn't even close, Fulton just annihilated Dreamer.  Mack comes in and saves Dreamer with a chair, the rest of oVe runs in, and Rich Swann comes in to even the odds.  Sami chokes Swann from behind with his bat, and spikes Swann with a piledriver.  Sami Pillmanizes Dreamer's arm, then tells Swann "I love you, little brother" before laying him out too.

The Deaners are training with tractors, then we go backstage where the doctor says Dreamer might have a broken arm.  Swann thanks Mack for saving his butt again and leaves, then Killer Kross comes in and points out how Swann always has him clean up his messes, then he takes all the glory.  Mack is sick of listening to Kross talk, so he challenges him to a match next week.

Madison Rayne vs Taya Valkyrie

Taya mocks Canada and talks about how glad she was to leave, then the match starts and lasts about a minute before Jordynne Grace comes out to distract Taya, allowing Madison to roll her up for the win.

Winner: Madison Rayne

Well, that didn't take long.  Taya acts all like "Yeah, well I'm still the champion."

We go to Rolando the Investigative Reporter interviewing Johnny Impact, who is unapologetic for what he did to Brian Cage.  He's doing this for him, and says that Brian Cage is one of the best athletes this business has ever seen.  He can do almost everything Johnny can, except think.  Rolando asks how Impact turnd Johnny Bravo into an errand boy, as we see him cleaning Impact's pool.  Impact says Cage doesn't realize that it doesn't matter what people think, and he can get to anyone in Brian's life if he wants to, and that is his downfall.  Cage will be sitting there years from now, listening to the marks say he never lived up to his potential, and Impact says it's because he doesn't understand what this business is about.

Josh and Don talk about stuff, and are interrupted by Brian Cage, who grabs Don by the shirt and threatens him until he reveals there will be a special referee at Rebellion, and that Scott D'Amore is working on that.

We catch up with Scott D'Amore, who gets a frantic call from Don telling him to leave now and get to the next town.  Why is he sending him there seven weeks ahead of time.  Don tries to warn him about Cage, but Cage finds D'Amore and tries to squeeze the special ref information out of him.  Lance Storm comes in and calms Cage down and tells him to conduct himself like a professional.  Cage asks if he can get Storm for the special ref, and a frantic D'Amore instantly agrees, and Lance has no idea what's going on.  He should get used to it if he's gonna stick around here.

And with that...IT'S MAIN EVENT TIME!

World Tag Team Title Match: Fenix & Pentagon Jr vs Eddie Edwards & Eli Drake

We start off fast, and the Lucha Bros quickly use their fluid double teams to lay both Eli and Eddie out.  Eli finally manages to ground Fenix, and the challengers begin to methodically wear Fenix down.  the champs mount a comeback with a bunch of lucha stuff, and a double superkick floors Drake.  Fenix takes Eddie out with a dive while Pentagon covers Drake for 2.  LAX runs in and distracts the champions, allowing Drake to roll Pentagon up for 2.  Drake misses a swing with Kenny, Pentagon and Fenix hit the package piledriver/double stomp combo, Fenix takes Eddie out with a dive, and Pentagon covers for the win.

Winners: Fenix & Pentagon Jr

Too short to really go anywhere, but now LAX and the Lucha Bros start brawling in the entryway.  They fight to the back as Eddie tries to help Eli up.  He sticks his hand out to Eli, who takes it and hugs Eddie, then jumps him from behind and starts hammering him with right hands.  Drake gets Kenny and parts Eddie's hair with it, then just peppers him with shots from the kendo stick.  Finally, Eli winds up and just smashes the stick down on Eddie's head, then walks out with Kenny in hand.  It's a hostage situation!

Thanks for reading the Impact Wrestling Report here on!

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