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Welcome to the Impact Wrestling Report here on PWInsider.com!
We start off with our usual video looking back at last week's antics, then we're off to the ring for our opening match...
Ultimate X Qualifier: Jake Crist vs Willie Mack
The winner of this match goes to Homecoming for the Ultimate X match to determine the new X Division Champion now that Brian Cage elected for Option C. Quick back and forth ends with Mack dropkicking Crist's teeth down his throat. Mack hits a standing moonsault for 2, but Jake snaps Mack's head over the top rope and goes to a rear chinlock. Mack gets out and gets a swinging bodyslam and a big leaping legdrop. Mack drives Jake clear out of the ring through sheer body impact, but only gets 2 when Jake rolls back in. Jake tries to stop Mack from coming off the top, but Mack hits a sunset bomb that drops Jake right on top of his head. YEOWCH! Jake pops right up and hits a superkick and a bridging German suplex for 2. Mack hits an exploder suplex for 2, hangs Jake in the Tree of Woe for the Van Terminator, but Sami distracts Mack long enough for Jake to get free and hit a super Ace Crusher for the win.
Winner: Jake Crist
Great match! One down, three to go.
Su Yung and Dark Allie are backstage, and they're...I dunno, I got nothing. We're at commercial.
Tessa Blanchard is backstage saying Taya Valkyrie has a million excuses for why she's not the Knockouts Champion, but the truth is that she's just Johnny Impact's wife. Taya may have Johnny or anyone in her corner tonight, but she's got backup too. Moose comes into the screen and says he'll give this beautiful woman the world, but tonight, he'll give her a win. Impact knows what he did to Eddie Edwards, and it doesn't matter what his skeezy wife (Moose's words) says, he'll prove why he's Mr. Impact Wrestling tonight.
Josh and don talk about stuff, then we go to the ring for our next match...
Dark Allie vs Heather Monroe
Heather goes right at Allie and unloads with a flurry of offense, then hits a knockout kick and a roaring elbow for 2. Allie hits a lungblower and hammers a grounded Monroe with forearms for 2. Allie with a hair Beell, then puts the boots to Monroe in the corner. Heather catches Allie with a clothesline, but Allie with one of her own for 2. Allie screams in frustration, slaps herself around, and drills Monroe with a superkick for 2. Allie drags Monroe to her feet, screams in her face, and hits a Codebreaker for the win.
Winner: Allie
I love the new turn in Allie's character, it was about time for a change, and this really cements her position as one of the most important people ever in the Knockouts Division. Allie puts on Su's nasty glove and gets the mandible claw on Monroe. Kiera Hogan runs out and lays Su Yung out, then pushes Allie off of Monroe while begging her to stop. Allie looks shocked and torn, then she straightens up and knocks Kiera's lights out. Allie and Su put the boots to Kiera, then Allie lays her out with a Codebreaker.
Willie Mack is backstage with Rich Swann, who says that what oVe did was wack, but they don't want to go down that path. Mack says oVe just painted themselves a one way sign to his fist, and Swann says to be careful because he's been through this with oVe and they don't want to go down that road with them. Mack says Swann has Dave Crist next week and they'll try the same thing, and he'll have Swann's back.
The Desi Arnaz Hit Squad vs Jay & Broni
I didn't catch the other guys' names, but it doesn't really matter because Raj Singh tosses them around like ragdolls. Rohit Raju tags in to pop Broni over with a couple snap suplexes, then a double mudhole stomping in the corner. Fireman's carry/kneestrike combo finishes it.
Winners: Desi Arnaz Hit Squad
Match was okay. I have to roll me eyes when I hear Don telling stories about how Gama beat Bret Hart, Owen Hart, and Bad News Allen long before they were anywhere near the world-class status they eventually achieved.
Matt Sydal is backstage telling Ethan Page that he's proud of him learning the lessons he's taught, but sometimes the only way to discover what you've learned is to test yourself against other things. He asks if Page is ready to test himself, but Page just tells him that maybe he should go get ready.
McKenzie is backstage with Katarina Leigh, who is still not impressed by Jordynne Grace "getting lucky" against her for the second time. She reminds us what happened to Grado and Joe Hendry after they crossed her...PFFFF, they disappeared, never to be heard from again. Now she's got a new friend named Ruby Race, and Jordynne better watch her back.
The GWN Vault takes us back to Chris Sabin using Option C to become the TNA World Champion years ago.
McKenzie is backstage with Eli Drake, who just came out of management's office and hands her the note he got last week. It says he's invited to Homecoming to face Abyss in Monster's Ball. Drake says this is what it takes to make a match here. We're looking at a homecoming, and the scrawling of a lunatic makes a match here. Abyss is sour grapes and he's angry, he can't get over this, and he's going to give him the same fate he gave Joseph Park.
The Rascals are getting high when Scarlett Bordeaux suddenly appears out of thin...smoke, I guess? She tells them about her talent search, and realized after watching them last week that there's nothing little about these Rascals. She disappears in another whiff of smoke, and one of the Rascals says it's good she's gone because bears can smell women. Sigh.
Ultimate X Qualifier: Matt Sydal vs Ethan Page
Feeling out process to start, and Page surprises Sydal with his agility in avoiding Sydal's grasp. Josh reminds us to watch Schitt's Creek as Page takes Sydal to the mat, Sydal reverses, and more reverses and pointing at third eyes gets us nowhere. Page avoids a kick to the face, and Page doesn't appreciate his mentor taking a cheapshot at him. Sydal responds by hammering Page's leg with kicks and decorating his chest with chops. Page powers Sydal into the corner and nearly chops through his chest, but Sydal hits the stepover legdrop for 2. Sydal continues to hammer Page with more kicks, keeping Page grounded and wearing him down. Page reverses a whip and smashes Sydal into the corner, then unloads on him with right hands and a big boot to the face for 2. Sydal knocks Page to the apron with a kick to the face, but Page gives him an Ace Crusher onto the apron, and they both tumble to the floor as we go to commercial.
We're back as Sydal and Page trade shots in the middle of the ring. They stop to point at each other's third eyes, then Page bulls Sydal into the corner, bashes him with a forearm, and goes for an Iconoclasm, but sydal counters to a headscissors. Page goes to the second rope, but Sydal hits a leaping super Frankensteiner for 2. Sydal goes to the top, Page stops him and goes for a top rope fireman's carry something, Sydal fights him off, and Page just kicks Sydal in the skull and sends him crumpling to the mat. Page with a Swanton for 2, Sydal reverses to a crucifix for 2, Sydal with another rollup for 2, and Page counters to a side cradle for the win.
Winner: Ethan Page
EXCELLENT match! Page drops to his knees to show respect to his mentor, and Sydal points to Page's third eye and raises his hand in victory.
Back to Sandy Acres mental hospital, where Eddie Edwards is playing chess, because that's what crazy people do. He's playing with Raven, who apparently is also committed here. Eddie swats the chess board off the table and says he can't take it anymore. Raven says to take it easy, he checks himself in here once a month and loves it. Raven says he saw what he did to Dreamer, someone else pissed him off and he took his wife and kid and everything. Sometimes you make your choices, sometimes the choices are made for you, and sometimes there is no choice. He points to some guy in his underwear bouncing against a wall and tells the orderly that he knocked the board over, and Raven grabs the orderly's keycard out of his pocket when he comes to handle underwear guy. He givfes the keycard to Eddie, who says he owes Raven, and Raven goes "Yeah...you do."
We see a video looking back at LAX making their match with the Lucha Brothers, and then LAX finds Fenix and Pentagon backstage to say that everyone knows how things go, and what everyone's temperament is. He wants to make sure we're not going to have any problems if thnigs get heated during the match, and everyone assures him that we're not going to have ANY problems...NONE AT ALL. Konnan says it's on, then Pentagon does his Zero Fear thing in Santana's face and a shoving match breaks out, and Konnan flips out because this is what he said was going to happen.
Josh and Don talk about stuff, then we go backstage to McKenzie, who is with Johnny Impact and Taya Valkyrie. Impact says you never know what to expect around here, and he's preparing for a tough match at Homecoming, but now he and Taya have to face Moose and Tessa Blanchard. He's owed Moose a trip to Slamtown for a long time, and this is their first night teaming as husband and wife. Taya heard what Tessa said about them, and she's been taking one shortcut after another, and tonight, she'll get a taste of what...I dunno, she says something in Spanish I don't get, but Impact says she's going to kick Tessa so hard that Tully's going to feel it. I understand that one.
And with that...IT'S MAIN EVENT TIME!
Impact World Champion Johnny Impact & Taya Valkyrie vs Moose & Knockouts Champion Tessa Blanchard
Impact and Moose start us off, and Impact gets a couple of armdrags and a dropkick that sends Moose scurrying to his corner to hide under Tessa's skirt. Tessa and Taya tag in, and Taya completely outmaneuvers Tessa and knocks her silly with a high kick to the skull. Moose tries to charge at Taya, but Taya sidesteps and Impact takes him out with a Tidal Krush that sends him to the floor. Impact kisses his wife, then takes Moose out with a twisting dive to the floor, then they go outside to ram Moose and Tessa into the guardrail. Back in we go, but Moose kicks the middle rope into Impact's ding ding. There go their marital plans for the evening. Tessa knocks Taya to the gloor with a cheapshot of her own, and we're at commercial.
We're back, and Taya is in trouble, taking punishment from Tessa while Moose takes a cheapshot at Impact on the apron. Taya dodges a corner charge and Tessa rams shoulder-first into the ringpost. Taya makes the hot tag, and Impact is in to clean house on Moose. Imapct with a leg lariat and a running kneestrike, followed by a standing shooting star press for 2. Moose avoids Starship Pain and hits a bicycle kick, then Go To Hell is countered to a flying headscissors by Impact. Moose comes right back with a pop-up powerbomb and senton for 2. Imapct with a rolling neckbreaker for 2, and blind tags Tessa in. Taya comes in and immediately unloads on Tessa with forearms and a charging butt strike in the corner. Running double kneestrike to Tessa in the corner, Tessa blocks a backdrop suplex and hits a ripcord Ace Crusher for 2. Taya blocks the hammerlock DDT and hits a straitjacket suplex for 2 when Moose pulls the referee out of the ring. The referee yells at Moose, who doesn't notice Impact take him out with a dive. Back into the ring, where Taya gets a Mexican surfboard into a curb stomp, then the Indian Deathlock STF. Tessa makes it under the ropes, but Taya drags her back to the middle of the ring and reapplies, and Tessa finally taps.
Winners: Johnny Impact & Taya Valkyrie
Solid main event to close the evening. Moose comes out of nowhere and turns Impact inside out with a spear, then he gets all up in Taya's grill, distracting her for Tessa to backjump her and hammer her skull in. Killer Kross runs in and Moose thinks he's on their side, but he stops Tessa from using the chair on Taya. Moose gets between them to find out what's going on, but Brian Cage comes in before that can paly out and clears Moose out. Cage German suplexes Kross, but Kross just pops right back up, fixes his tie, and steps out of the ring while Cage checks on Taya and Impact. Impact and Cage have an uncomfortable staredown, then share respectful nods at one another to close the show.
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