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Welcome to the Impact Wrestling Report here on PWInsider.com!
We start off with a video package looking back at last week's events, then we head to the ring for our opening match...
Rich Swann vs Fenix
They start off trading wristlocks, and Fenix blows something where he runs up the ropes, then recovers and does a springboard armdrag that sends Swann to the floor. Back in, and they do more flippy dippy lucha stuff until ending up with an indy standoff. They do more flippy dippy lucha on the outside, then Swann wipes Fenix out with a dive. Back into the ring and Fenix blows more stuff before getting Swann to the floor and hitting him with a somersault dive. Back into the ring where they do more flippy dippy before going to commercial.
We come back as Swann and Fenix trade chops. Fenix hits a leaping enziguiri, Swann kicks him in the head, and hits an inside cradle driver for 2. Swann comes off the second rope with a 450 splash for 2. I just realized Fenix has like a Red Rooster chicken mohawk on his mask. Fenix does a top rope Frankensteiner (bouncing up and down the ropes a couple times for no real reason first), then hits a sitout Tombstone for 2. Swann catches Fenix with a reverse thrust kick to the face, but Fenix hits a cradle shock driver for the win.
Winner: Fenix
Well, it was what you'd expect. Jake and Dave Crist run in and attack Fenix, then try to pull his mask off before Pentagon Jr runs in to make the save for his brother. Pentagon suddenly kicks Fenix low and gives him a package piledriver, then pulls the mask off and (you saw this coming) it's actually Sami Callihan under the mask! He tries to unmask Fenix, but Rich Swann comes in to make the save and...gets laid out for his trouble. So wait, where did Sami get the rest of Pentagon's outfit? He nearly gets Fenix's mask off when Pentagon Jr, the real one, runs in. I don't know why it took him this long to get out there, but he clears the ring nonentheless, then swears at oVe.
We go to Josh and Don as they talk about stuff, then KM finds Fallah Bahh backstage and says he screwed up. He deserved to get beaten up by Scott Steiner, but he's committed to this team, and he'll prove it tonight.
Killer Kross is backstage, and he's...POUNDING ON A WALL! He makes his in-ring debut tonight!
Not McKenzie is backstage with Allie and Madison Rayne, who says she faced nearly every Knockout to ever set foot in the Impact Zone, but she can't figure Su Yung out. If she's going out there tonight to face her, there's nobody she'd rather have by her side than Allie. Allie says Rosemary told her not to let the darkness consume her, and she did, but she doesn't regret it because she learned you need light and darkness, good and evil. The darkness rises, and the light to meet it, and her master told her that as she grew in power, her equal in the light would appear. Okay, I made that last part up. Su thinks she killed her, but she just brought another side of her to light.
Fallah Bahh vs Killer Kross
Josh and Don gave us a real lame explanation for why Impact hired Kross as a wrestler: because despite the weeks he spent attacking people backstage, they don't discriminate against people based on their pasts. Great creative, guys. They charge at each other right off the bell, and neither man moves. Kross backs Bahh to the corner and rams knees into his midsection, but Bahh reverses a whip and follows Kross in with a corner splash and a series of chops. Bahh goes for another avalanche, but Kross takes his head off with a clothesline as Don tells us that Kross used to be a bare-knuckle fighter in northern Canada. He tells Bahh to hit him as hard as he can, and he starts laughing when he does. His chest is beet red as he dumps Bahh on his head with a backdrop suplex, then puts Bahh out with a rear naked choke.
Winner: Killer Kross
Kross continues attacking Bahh after the match, and KM tries to intervene, but Kross takes him right down with another rear naked choke. Well, I guess he didn't learn a good escape for that from American Top Team. I wonder if they're coming back anytime soon? Petey Williams runs in with a chair and bashes Kross, but Kross no-sells, so Petey throws the chair at his face and knocks him to the floor. Kross just smiles at Petey, who demands he get back in the ring with him.
Not McKenzie is backstage with Kongo Kong and Jimmy Jacobs, who says he's not a bad guy, he tells the truth since he got here. He's said that Kongo Kong is a monster who has taken out one wrestler after another, but if you want to know who a bad guy is, it's Brian Cage. He tells people he's a machine, but he shows a lot of emotions for a machine, like how mad he's gotten at everything Kongo Kong has done to him lately. So he's probably not a machine, he's a man, and Kong will expose him for that tonight, because he's a princess and that means he always gets what he wants. Kong smells Not McKenzie's hair and leaves with Jimmy.
The Global Wrestling Network takes us back to Slammiversary some years ago when Rob Van Dam defeated Sting for the TNA World Title.
Gama Singh goes backstage and slaps the Desi Hit Squad around for winning last week, then says that under his guidance, he will take them all the way to the top, but they must be obedient.
Su Yung & The Undead Maid Of Honor vs Allie & Madison Rayne
Yes, that is the official name she was announced as. Allie and Madison rush the ring and go right after Su and the UMoH, catching them with stereo Thesz presses. The UMoH throws a REALLy slow kick (like CM Punk spinkick in the UFC slow) that Allie easily blocks before whipping her into the corner and hitting a charging clothesline. Allie hits a Canadian legsweep for 2. Su distracts Allie long enough for UMoH to hit her from behind and pick her up for a side suplex, with Su adding a running neckbreaker on the way down for 2. Su tags in and gets a leg nelson on Allie, but Allie gets out and makes the hot tag to Madison, who comes in and cleans house on the UMoH. Madison hits an Ace Crusher, but gets distracted by the other Undead Bridesmaids grabbing her ankles. Allie takes them out as Su goes for the Panic Switch, but accidentally bumps the ref while picking Madison up. Madison hits CrossRayne, but Tessa Blanchard runs in and nails Madison from behind, then hammers her with right hands while the referee spends like twenty minutes in the corner selling being hurt/blinded/whatever. Allie takes Tessa out and they brawl on the floor while Su goes for the Panic Switch again, and Madison slips out and hits another CrossRayne for the win.
Winners: Allie & Madison Rayne
A bit overbooked, but was fine otherwise.
We go to the LAX clubhouse, where Eddie Kingston is quite tense waiting for Konnan to show up. Santana is upset over this problem between Konnan and King, and Kingston says he should have dropped Konnan for disrespecting him last week, and this is where his loyalty got him. He wants to see the proof, and he never wanted to take Konnan's spot, but it happened, and things evolve. Kingston wants to go out there and see this magical proof, so he pounds the table, knocking their dominoes everywhere, and storms out. Ortiz says there's only one way to find out, and that's to go out there too.
We go to video footage of the Great Gama forcing the Desi Hit Squad to train outside during a downpour. He refuses to let them take a water break, then slaps them for the heck of it. Gama has some servant holding an umbrella over his head during all this.
We go to the oVe cam, where Sami Callihan is wearing Pentagon's mask, then takes it off because it smells like bull****. Pentagon had to stick his nose in their business tonight and save Fenix and Rich Swann, and they ruined everything, so next week, they'll have a six man tag match, and they'll be lucky if they don't take Pentagon's mask, Fenix's mask, and Rich Swann's entire face.
We see a video package of Austin Aries talking about his journey to Impact Wrestling, how he started training and struggled to survive on pennies, didn't eat, slept in his car, and did everything it took to get where he needed to be. He wasn't a blue chipper who got a free ride, he never got special favors, so he doesn't want to hear about sacrifices from him. Moose comes from an environment where someone else draws up the game plan, he doesn't need to think, but Aries draws up the game plan and executes it. He doesn't think Moose can think on his own or come up with his own game plan. The difference between the men at the top and at the bottom is thin as a razor here because everyone is an elite athlete, and he doesn't care where Moose came from or how hard he trains, because he'll never match up to him mentally. After Aries gets done with him, he better hope the XFL needs an offensive lineman. OHHHHHH, SNAP!
Konnan is on the phone with someone saying he's going to expose King for the fraud he is tonight, the kind of guy who would throw a surprise party for himself and act surprised. After it's done, King better be ready to let the wargames begin.
We look back at last week when Eddie Edwards went to House of Hardcore and attacked Tommy Dreamer, then we go to comments from Tommy, who is still bloody a week later for some reason. He made a lot of mistakes over the years, but he learned from them, as well as the great mentors he had like Terry Funk and Paul Heyman, and he might even be the original Paul Heyman Guy. He is tired of going home to his daughters looking like this, and he carries a lot of baggage, but he just wants to give his everything for this business and help people get to the next level like others did for him. Eddie is obsessed with Sami Callihan, but he has a wife, and Eddie can look at him and see what his future is. Now he has an obsession with Eddie, because nobody comes and does this to him on his damn show.
We go to Josh and Don who talk about stuff before sending us back to the ring for our next match...
Rebel vs Katarina
Grado comes out dancing for his girlfriend's introduction, but when he goes to take his shirt off, she encourages him gently to keep it on. Rebel takes Katarina to the mat with a side headlock, then they trade pinning combinations. Katarina with a flying headscissors, ducks a boot, but Rebel plants her in the mat with a flapjack. Rebel pops Katarina up into a torture rack, then dumps her on her face for 2. Rebel misses a cartwheel elbow in the corner, then Katarina catches her with a rough looking tornado DDT for 2. Katarina goes to the top for a crossbody...and misses. Rebel with a running kneestrike and a split into a vertical drop for 2. Katarina with a uranage backbreaker out of nowhere for the win.
Winner: Katarina
Match was fine, but Rebel is noticeably too green to try some of the stuff she does out there. Grado comes in to dance with Katarina after the match, and holds the ropes for her, then trips off the apron on the way out.
Brian Cage is backstage, and he's...CURLING A TRUSS! He'll face Kongo Kong...NEXT!
Grado and Katarina are backstage celebrating her win, but she has a surprise for him. She makes him close his eyes, and in comes...someone I don't recognize, who sings about being on Impact. I guess he's a wrestler, and I guess they all know each other, because they share a group hug and start jumping around in joy. Oh man.
And with that, it's...MAIN EVENT TIME!
Kongo Kong vs Brian Cage
They immediately start trading shots, but then Kong takes Cage down with a shoulderblock. Cage fires back with a dropkick, then a twisting armdrag sends Kong out to the floor. Cage hits a somersault dive to the floor onto Kong. WOW! Cage rolls Kong back into the ring, blocks a chokeslam attempt, but gets caught with a Vader tackle, then Kong hits a belly to belly suplex for 2. Kong with an avalanche in the corner, then climbs up for punches, and Cage tries to counter to a powerbomb, but Kong REVERSES TO A FRANKENSTEINER. WHAT?!?! Kong covers for 2, but cage escapes a fireman's carry, catches Kong on a crossbody attempt, and powerslams Kong into the mat. Cage hits a 619 on Kong, a pair of leaping enziguiris, and a release German suplex for 2. This match is nuts! Kong drills Cage with a big headbutt, followed by a chokeslam for 2. Kong goes to the top, Cage follows him up and hits a HUGE superplex, then hoists him up and hits an F5 for the win.
Winner: Brian Cage
Jimmy does not look pleased with that one, but DAMN that was an awesome match! One of the best matches on Impact all year, this was really good.
Okay, it's time to face the music: Konnan comes out to the ring and tells King to come out so they can clear the air. Eddie Kingston comes out with Santana and Ortiz in tow, and he tells Konnan to go ahead. Konnan isn't so mad that he put a hit out on him, but what really pisses him off was when he was a little boy and they were slapping him around and calling him (something I won't reprint here), bailing him out of jail, making him his first hundred K, making him the King of New York, and this is how he repays him? Kingston says he doesn't know what Konnan's been smoking lately, but he'll make it real clear: where's his proof? Konnan asks if he remembers the calls he told LAX he was making to him while he was in the hospital, and says they never happened. Kingston says they did, and it's his word against Kingston's. Konnan calls him a walking glory hole, and the more things change, the more they stay the same because he was a punk ass b**** then, and he is now. Kingston says he did put the hit out on him, and it's because his time is done, and he is the future. Kingston is a grown man now, he don't need Konnan's help any more, and he better walk into the sunset before he gets shot in the back of the head like Old Yeller. He tells Ortiz and Santana that the titles came back and the money came up, and to remember that he's the future, and Konnan is the past. Ortiz and Santana look back and forth at the two of them, then they flip Kingston off. They walk behind Konnan, who says he guesses he didn't get he job done, then Kingston says "Didn't I?" Suddenly, Homicide and Hernandez, the real and original LAX, runs in and lays the guys using their name out before choking Konnan out with his Mexican flag. Kingston says that what Konnan forgot was that when you come after the King, you better not miss, because they are LAX, 5150. Great angle to end the show, and I was not expecting Homicide and Hernandez to return. Great end to a ridiculous show.
Thanks for reading PWInsider.com's coverage of Impact Wrestling, I'll be back soon with Dave Scherer to discuss Impact and more on the Stu & Pid Show!
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