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JOEY JANELA'S SPRING BREAK 2
FRIDAY - APRIL 6th, 2018
BELLTIME: 11:55PM CDT
They play “Bohemian Rhapsody” for a crowd singalong. Well, I’m singing. They cut the music during the middle bit. What heels. They show a video of Old Joey Janela wanting the relive the magic of Spring Break 1. We start the show.
6-way Scramble: Eli Everfly vs DJZ vs Tony Deppen vs Gringo Loco vs KTB vs Teddy Hart
Crowd blows up for Teddy Hart. Chaos to start but Teddy takes over, wiping out everyone with lumbar checks. Everyone starts diving, even KTB. This is high spot city. Eli with a rana reversal off Gringo’s top rope powerbomb attempt. That was great. DJZ hits the DJ horn several times to the crowd’s delight. Eli gets the pin off a top rope Canadian Destro.
Winner: Eli Everfly
James Ellsworth vs. Matt Riddle
Ellsworth attacks during Riddle’s entrance. It’s short lived. Gutwrench suplex. Running elbows. Another suplex. A Broton. Riddle goes for a knee but misses due to Ellworth’s lack of a chin. Ellsworth starts landing superkicks for some not quite near falls. Riddle catches a no-chin music attempt and gets the tap with a quick Bro-lock. This was satisfying.
Winner: Matt Riddle
Virgil is in the ring. He calls out Joey Janela. Nothing happens. They play his music and he is asked to leave. Ok.
WALTER vs. Pierre Carl Ouellet
Walter gets on the mic and offers Pierre an out. He refuses. Walter tests the veteran and keeps getting pushed back. Walter is knocked to the outside. Pierre teases a dive, but Walter is in a chopping mode. Walter with a body slam and earthquake splash. Pierre isn’t done. Pierre with a head kick and DDT. They fight on the outside. Pierre has a table set up outside. Walter tosses Pierre to the apron. You MAY be aware that this is the hardest part of the ring. Walter tosses him to the steps. Pierre wrecking Walter’s chopping hand. Pierre with a moonsault to the outside., wiping out Walter and Kyle the ref. What. Walter’s mad and Pierre is powerbombed through a table. Bryce Remsberg is the new ref. Pierre won’t give up. More chops. Pierre drops top and demands more. Huge chop battle. Crowd on its feet. Walter tossed outside and Pierre dives. Too rope rana. Pierre with a split leg moonsault! Walter kicks out. They battle on the top rope and he finishes Walter with a somersault senton. I can’t even. This was great. Pierre Carl Ouellet came to play.
Winner: Pierre Carl Ouellet
For the GCW Title: Nick Gage vs. Penta El 0m
Crowd is hot for this. Gage tosses Penta outside. Goes for a dive and gets a chair to the head. Penta in control outside. He grabs some wood planks and sets them up around the ring. Gage reverses a whip and puts Penta through a plank. Penta returns the favor with a running DVD. Penta lays out Gage on the timekeeper table and dives, bending it. More planks and chairs into the ring. Michinoku driver through a chair-suspended plank. He goes for another but Gage powerbombs him through the plan, followed by a chokebreaker. Pin. That’s it.
Winner: Nick Gage
Nick Gage with an extended hype promo. He rallies his fans and challenges his many detractors to fight in the parking lot. Love it or hate it, it’s classic Gage.
Mike Quackenbush vs. David Starr
Sequence after sequence, Quack trying to lock up Starr in a quick pin or submission. Quack is very much in control of this contest. This is turning into his kind of match. A frustrated Starr DVD’s Quack into the turnbuckle. And again. Shining wizard for a near fall. Quack with a Michinoku driver. Quack goes for a rana but gets powerbombed. Northern lights from Starr for a near fall. Quack with a springboard DDT and a dive. A second dive gets DDT’s to the apron by Starr. Starr trying to finish with a German. Quack with an armbar. Back to the feet and Starr hits a discus clothesline for the pin. This was good, but the crowd didn’t really care.
Winner: David Starr
The ClusterF&$%
I’ll try real hard to keep this all bizarro nonsense coherent.
We have a video of MJF trying to get into the show. He wears disguises. The staff won’t let himself through. The GCW staff lock him in the closet
Back to the ring.
Last year’s winner Jimmy Lloyd is out first.
Session Moth Martina is out. I get her beer shoved in my face. Lloyd kisses Martina after a brief scramble.
Orange Cassidy is out next. He takes so long getting to the ring that Wheeer Yuta passes him on the entranceway. Martina and Yuta take turns bronco blustering Lloyd.
Curt Stallion out next. He clears the ring and does some good fast work with Yuta.
Facade out next. Orange sleeping in the aisle. Facade tosses Curt Stallion.
Swoggle out next. Martina crossed the barricade and hangs out in the crowd with us.
Grado is in to fight. He belly bops Swoggle, who rag dolls.
Kikutaro is in. He crotches himself on the ropes, trying to attack Grado.
The Invisible Man is in. Uh oh. Kikutaro is tossed over the top. Swoggle taps out!
Joe Gacy is in! Great battle with Yuta and Grado.
Brian Idol is in.
Chris Dickinson is in. Goes on a rampage. Tosses Idol. Tosses a chair in facade’s face and clotheslines him over. Joe Gacy is tossed. Pazuzu Bomb to Yuta. He’s dead. Pins Grado. Dickinson cleaning house.
Dan Severn is here. It’s a Bloodsport rematch.
Alabama Doink is in. Severn dumps him after very obviously calling the spot. Dickinson dumps Severn.
Rickey Shane Page is next. Battles Dickinson and Lloyd.
Marcus Crane in next. Dicky powerbombs him.
Team DTU is out (Crazy Boy and Aeroboy). Crane is dumped. They double team Dickinson and pin him.
Rory Gulak is in with a “no ClusterF&$%s“ sign. Jimmy Lloyd is still in this, stumbling around the outside, falling onto tables and guardrails. He drives DTU from the ring.
Spider Nate Webb is next. Webb goes into the crowd to party and sing along to all of “Teenage Dirtbag”. Gulak is alone in the ring with his sign. He gets in the ring. He hits Soylent Green on Gulak and he’s out.
Ethan Page is in. Webb and Page go to wars. Webb in the tree of woe, superkick. Page is bored and calls for a new opponent.
MJF must have found his way out of the closet because he’s in now,
MJF and page team up to toss crazy boy and Aeroboy. Page rolls up RSP. Martina back in! She’s got the condom Mr. Socko....Right in pages moth. Martina traps MJF hand in her crotch and breaks his fingers. Page rolls her up. She’s out.
Orange is in the ring finally. He lazy fights them. MJF and page can’t believe this. Crowd is on their feet. They speed him up and get double chokeslammed. He misses a falling splash of the top and they step on him for the pin.
Invisible Man beats up MJF and Page. Lloyd in to piledriver Invisible Man. The NOLA Athletic Commissioner is out to eject Lloyd from the match. Piledrivers are illegal, Jimmy.
Brian Pillman Jr attacks Lloyd with a crutch in the entrance way as he’s leaving. They battle back through the curtain.
Webb back in the ring. MJF and Page beat on Webb and get a near fall. They hit Bryce Remsberg down. He gets up, slams MJF and a Corkscrew ddt to Page. They eject Bryce from the ring.
Mikey Whipwreck is in! Toe to toe with MJF and Page. Whipwreck and Webb take out Page.
Whipwreck out with a splash from MJF.
Eyepoke from MJF to Webb. Ethan pulls the rope on a whip and Webb tumbled over.
MJF is rolled up by the invisible man for then pin and that’s it!
Winner: The Invisible Man
Joey Janela vs. The Great Sasuke
They grapple and scramble to start. Janela keeps knocking Sasuke to his back but he kips up to a sitting position. Sasuke hypnotizes Janela and tosses him out of the ring. Sasuke opens the toy box but Janela tosses him into a ladder at ringside. Sasuke tosses Janela into the previously bent time keeper table. Sasuke with a senton but goes head first through the ladder steps...oh God. Janela with an inflatable gator-assisted splash. Two count. Chairs coming in. 6 chairs set up back to back. Sasuke powerbombs Janela onto them. Ow. Sasuke loading planks and doors into the ring. They put each other through the doors. Joey grabs a chair and destroys the bent table. Sasuke sets up Janela on a table after some struggle. Dive over the ropes through the table. Penelope is in. She gets Sasuke to dance with her. Janela with a discus elbow to the back of the head. Janela locks in a figure four. Sasuke gets Janela on a table outside. Sasuke dons a trash can and tries to do the Barrel Trick dive to the outside. Unable to stabilize himself into the can at 3:30am, he throws the can at Janela and then launched himself l. Janela dodges. Janela slams him through a ladder. Kick out. He puts a chair on Sasuke’s chest and double stomps the pile for the pin. This was wild.
Winner: Joey Janela
After the match, Janela puts over how much Sasuke’s path meant to his career. They close the show can having a karaoke sing a long of “It’s my Life”
Wild night. There’s nothing quite like Spring Break.
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