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Welcome to the Impact Wrestling Report here on PWInsider.com!
Moose and his MMA buddy arrive at the arena with all the title belts they stole from American Top Team, then ATT themselves show up, and they look PISSED.
Hit the opening video, and then we're off to the ring for our opening match...
Chris Adonis vs Johnny Impact
Impact jumps Adonis right off the bell and puts the boots to him, but Adonis fires back with some clubbing blows, flooring Impact. Adonis nearly backdrops Impact into the next zip code, then locks him in a bearhug. Impact fights his way out, but Adonis floors him again with a spinebuster and then gets the Adonis Lock. Impact starts speeding things up with a series of pinning combinations, then unloads on Adonis with right hands and a high kick in the corner, followed by a rolling neckbreaker for 2. Impact hits a springboard spinning enziguiri for 2 as we go to commercial.
We're back as Adonis goes for a superplex, but Impact blocks and fights Adonis off into the ring. Impact comes off the top with Starship Pain for the win.
Winner: Johnny Impact
Solid opener, and Impact's momentum continues going into Bound For Glory. Eli Drake runs in wearing an all-white suit to attack Impact, but Impact tears his pants off and puts the boots to the champion. Impact uses Drake's belt to whip him, but Adonis is up and blindsides Impact from behind. Drake joins in the fun and takes his shirt off to choke Impact with it, then uses the belt to whip Impact silly. Garza Jr finally does a run-in with a steel chair and clears Drake and Adonis out.
Video package hyping Alberto El Patron's return at Bound For Glory.
We see a clip of like ten years ago when Samoa Joe did the diving dropkick down the stairs on Sting. You can see that now on the Pluto TV app! Whatever that is!
We're off to AAA for a match from Cancun, Mexico...
Texano Jr vs Phantasma Jr vs James Storm vs Eddie Edwards vs Ethan Carter III
First fall wins this one. Everyone brawls with each other without much of a flow. The Impact guys get the advantage and play heels in this one, using the numbers advantage to overwhelm Texano and Phantasma on their home turf. This is really like a 3-on-2 handicap match despite the fact that it's legally a five way, and advertisements for a casino play on the screen while the Impact guys argue over who will take the fall until they wind up fighting each other, allowing Texano to come in and start the babyface comeback. The screen shows "BOING!" in giant letters before transitioning to an ad for a panini knight and then shows something that, according to Google Translate, transaltes to "it's nice to let you down." Okay. The ads on the screen are more interesting than the match. Phantasma hits a version of the Dudebuster on EC3, then more schmozz breaks out while Texano covers EC3 for the win.
Winner: Texano Jr
It was there.
Now we're off to CRASH in some other part of Mexico where oVe decided to come mess with Konnan and LAX just for hte hell of it. Seems like a great place to come looking for a fight. Konnan's at the strip club with some ladies when one of his flunkies comes in to tell him the gringos are back. Konnan says if the gringos want to talk to him, they can put the tag title on the line in CRASH tonight.
Hey, did you know you can get a premium subscription to the Global Wrestling Network for only $7.99 a month? Are you ready to shell that cash out? YEAH BABY!
The Impact guys argue with each other backstage after the loss in AAA, and Eddie says he's going to Japan to defend his title, and Storm and EC3 better fix this by the time he gets back.
Now Jim Cornette and Dan Lambert are backstage arguing with Scott D'Amore trying to separate them.
Andrew Everett vs Desmond Xavier
Trevor Lee's new group of himself, Everett, and Caleb Konley have a cute catchphrase: "We are Trevor". Really? They're ganking Negan's line? Whatever. They do flippy dippy until Trevor trips Xavier up from the floor and Everett takes control. Everett dumps Xavier to the floor so Trevor and Knoley can beat him up, then he tries a standing moonsault and lands on Xavier's knees. Xavier starts his babyface comeback and wipes everyone out with a dive to the floor, but he goes back in and gets distracted by Revor, allowing Everett to catch him with a sweet dropkick. Xavier does his handspring Pelle kick thing, and Everett very nicely runs like ten feet forward to be in position to take it so Xavier can get the win.
Winner: Desmond Xavier
Whatever. We see a video package of Trevor Lee going to CRASH to defend the X Division Title and making a nuisance out of himself.
Back to Tijuana, where oVe is wandering around backstage looking for Konnan. They act scared that they have to defend the titles tonight to get five minutes talking to "El Jefe", but agree to do it.
Moose and the other guy are looking through all their stolen goods, then we see a video package looking at the history of Grado and Joseph Park. Grado comes storming out to the ring and tells Joseph Park to get out here now, and Park comes out looking upset to have to do this. Grado says Park will stand trial in the court of public opinion where the people will be the judge and jury, and he'll be the executioner. He calls Park a thief and says that if Park's this big fancy attorney, let's lay it out: Park stole from him, took his money, and took advantage of his good nature. He embarrassed him in front of the fans and his family and treated him like a dog. Park tries to tell jokes and stories, but Grado isn't having it, and he asks the fans if they find Park guilty or not guilty, and the fans are firmly on the guilty side. Park says he's sorry, he did it, he couldn't handle the temptation...the money, the cars, the girls, but he wants to remind Grado that if it weren't for him and his visa, he wouldn't even be here. Park holds up the visa that allows Grado to stay in this country, and he owns the paper on him. Grado says that if Park is any kind of man, he'll hand that visa back right now. Park thinks it over, then holds it out...but pulls it out of Grado's reach when he goes for it. Park tells Grado he has a better idea...a plea bargain. He has a contract for a match at Bound For Glory, between Grado and himself, and if Grado beats him, he gets to stay, but if he loses, he's gone forever. Grado says he's in, and he's going to sign this right now. He puts pen to paper on Park's back and says he's going to beat him, and then he and the fans will continue to live the American Dream, BABY! Grado goes to leave, but Park tells him to wait one second. He asks Grado if he learned nothing from him, because he didn't read the fine print very well. He missed two things: that match isn't going to be a regular match, it's gonna be kind of scary, the boys might even call it "hardcore" because it's a Monster's Ball. Oh, he almost forgot, the match isn't against him...(he takes his glasses off) it's gonna be against his brother Abyss. He shoves the mic in Grado's chest and walks off as the Abyss music plays.
Another American Top Team vs Moose video package, then we see American Top Team backstage getting ready to start trouble.
Video package of Grado having a panic attack because of what just happened, and he gets in his car to try and calm down. He plays with the radio and lands on a station that...starts playing the Abyss music. The car won't move when he tries to start it, and suddenly, Jim Mitchell appears in his passanger seat to tell him that he and Abyss are sending him straight to hell at Bound For Glory.
Back to Mexico...
Impact World Tag Team Title Match: oVe vs Black Diamond & Black Danger
oVe does a bunch of big boots, they both do a lot of flippy dippy, they both do implausible double team spots, and oVe finishes with a double stomp/Tombstone combo.
Winners: oVe
Not one tag was made in this thing.
American Top Team is backstage, and they'r ready to start a fight...next!
Jeremy Borash is in the ring when American Top Team come out and shove him on his ass, and Dan Lambert says the fans think he hates wrestling, but he's been a fan for 40 years, and actually got introduced to MMA by all the shoot Japanese promotions in the 80s and 90s like Pancrase and UWF. He has a huge collection of wrestling memorabilia, and takes out Bruno Sammartino's original title belt from the 60s, the Road Warriors' Georgia National Tag Team Title belt, and the cracked side plate means it was Hawk's, but the fans already knew that. All the fans know the catchphrases of Ric Flair, but he has HIS first title belt, the Mid Atlantic Tag Team Title from Jim Crockett promotions in 1974. He asks a fan at ringside who his partner was, and informs everyone it was Rip Hawk. This brings us to the JArrett family, and Jeff Jarrett loves to brag how long his family's been in the business, but one of those decades, probably the best, featured Jerry Lawler chasing the World Title, finally winning it by beating Curt Hennig for the AWA World Title. Anyone care to guess where that title is today? On top of the fireplace in the Jarrett mansion? No, he has it, the real wrestling fan, the biggest pro wrestling fan in the world today. That is seriously one awesome collection of hardware. Lambert says that brings us to the biggest irony of all: he controls the biggest martial arts team in the world today, and for some reason, the world of pro wrestling took it upon themselves to come into their home and disrespect every fighter they ever trained, every title they ever won, and everything else that means anything to their team. They're here to say that they poked the bear, they snuck up behind it and shoved a red hot poker up his ass, and they are here in Impact Wrestling, and Bobby Lashley and King Mo are doing whatever it takes to rip the respect back out of wrestling. It's ironic that he loves wrestling, but is asking his men to destroy it and expose the wrestlers as phonies who have no idea what to do in a real fight. He wants Moose and Stephan Bonner to show up and fight King Mo and Lashley at Bound For Glory. It's not going to be a wrestling match, it won't be pretty, it won't be competitive, and it won't take long, but it WILL be the end of Impact Wrestling. Moose and Stephan Bonner come out with all the American Top Team hardware in hand...and get back jumped by Lashley. American Top Team swarms them, and they're actually coming off like the babyfaces here. They ram Moose into the steps and send Bonner into the ring to catch a beating while Lambert tells the mindless sheep to cheer for the wrestlers. Lashley spears Bonner in half, then has one for Moose. Security runs out, but are powerless to do anything about this, so a cavalcade of referees run out and...can't do anything either. Here comes Mahabali Shera, and some X Division guys, and the American Top Team guys kick all their asses. Lambert tells the mindless sheep that they are dismissed, and then American Top Team poses over the fallen bodies of Moose and company.
Back to Tijuana, where oVe says they lost their titles and didn't get to talk to Konnan...oh wait, they kept their titles, and Konnan is right there, so they're going to finish this. Konnan is in the ring with a couple of strippers when oVe comes to talk business. No disrespect, but they want their pay and they'll get the hell out of TJ. Konnan says no pay, and they'll get the titles back at Bound For Glory. He sends his wrestlers out to surround the ring, and oVe uses the belts to lay them all out one by one...until there are too many of them. Konnan says he warned them, then call them a bunch of hos and tosses the belts on them.
Another episode of Global Forged, and it's...MAIN EVENT TIME!
Rosemary vs Taya Valkyrie
They start brawling before the bell, and Rosemary gets an early advantage with a flurry of offense. Rosemary with a series of Beell tosses and a t-bone suplex, and Taya rolls to the apron to create some space. Rosemary follows her out and they trade chops on the apron until Taya yanks Rosemary into the post a couple of times to knock her silly as we go to commercial.
We're back, and Taya is still in control, putting the boots to Rosemary and choking her on the ropes. Rosemary gets a hanging choke over the top rope, but Taya just tosses Rosemary to the floor and them comes off the top with a dive that wipes Rosemary out. The beating continues in the ring until Rosemary fires up for a comeback...then gets put back down with kicks to the face. Rosemary does a demon sit up and goes for the Red Wedding, but Taya gets out and hits a northern lights suplex followed by a double stomp for the win.
Winner: Taya Valkyrie
Great match, and great win for Taya! Taya tries to continue the beating after the match, but Rosemary mists Taya in the face, then gets a mic and says they're good at making each other see red, but at Bound For Glory, they want blood, and will paint the Impact Zone with hers.
Thanks for reading the Impact Wrestling Report here on PWInsider.com1 I'll be back on Sunday to discuss Impact and more with Dave Scherer on the Stu & Pid Show!
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