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IMPACT WRESTLING TV REPORT

By Cory Strode on 2017-09-22 23:09:00

It's Time For Impact!  And by time for Impact, it's finally up on In Demand, as POPTV is not a channel available on Comcast in Minneapolis

We start with a title card honoring Bobby Heenan.

The show starts up by filling us in on what has gone before.  Johnny Nitro was taken out by Christopher Adonis and Eli Drake after he became the number one contender.  Moose and Bobby Lashley hate each other, and Bobby Lashley has a crew of about 6 MMA guys who look half his size. 

Let's start the show for the third time with the title sequence!

We start with Johnny Impact coming to the ring with a microphone.  He's looking for Eli Drake, who he KNOWS is here.  The announcers, Jeremy Borash and Josh Matthews let us know that Eli Drake is still in Mexico after his match at AAA, and we'll get that match later tonight.  Johnny Nitro is undaunted and pledges to stay in the middle of the ring until Drake shows up.  He's! Got! All! Night!

The crowd at ringside looks happy, but the piped in crowd noise is losing its mind with cheering.

Johnny wants his title shot right now!

Instead, we get KM out to the ring with a microphone.  They jack jaws, and Johnny Impact says that he KNOWS Eli is there, because he saw Eli's car in the parking lot.  This leads to KM asking if Johnny is calling him a liar, which must be his gimmick.  Not only is Johnny calling him a liar, but the crowd is calling him a Doucherocket, and Johnny gets the crowd to chant Doucherocket.  TV PG folks.  And Jeremy says that Doucherocket is trending on twitter.

Spoiler:  It isn't. 

KM demands that Johnny put his number one contendership on the line, and Johnny obliges!

Match 1: Johnny Impact vs KM

Johnny hits a superkick immediately and gets a two count.  Johnny controls the match until he attempts a spring off the rope, and KM takes him down.  At this point, we are reminded that KM has not lost a match yet on Impact.

Johnny recovers and goes back to a high flying series of moves that JM is finally able to counter and gets a two count that the Ref breaks up because his feet were on the ropes.  Johnny knocks him down, hits an Impact off of the top rope and it's over.  The streak is over in a very short match at the beginning of Impact. Guess a streak down mean as much as it used to.

Your winner: Johnny Impact!

Coming up, El Hijo Del Fantasma and Pagano vs Eddie Edwards and EC3

We go backstage where Pagano was talking to someone backstage saying it's all under control.

Writers call that foreshadowing.

We then head to the ring for our next match.

Match 2: Taya Valkyrie vs Ava Storie

We are told that Taya Valkyrie had the "Best debut ever!” and she is Lucha Royalty.  Boos are piped in so that the home audience knows she's the hell.  This is an old fashioned squash match, with Ava playing the part of Red Tyler and getting beat up with next to no offense.  We see all of Taya's moves until she wins with a move called Road to Valhalla, a modified Implant Buster. 

Your winner:  Taya Valkyrie

You think it's over, but you're wrong, she's gonna tell us that she's here for the title.  This brings out Rosemary, who thinks it's HER turn at the title.  This leads to fighting, and we eventually get Sienna, Allie, Taryn Terrell and Gail Kim all coming to the ring and joining in the fight.  IT'S BEDLAM!  A nice brawl where the heels are winning until Gail Kim comes out, and this rallies Rosemary and Allie and the heels are tossed from the ring. 

We are reminded that last week, in Mexico, LAX beat OVE, but OVE is not leaving is not leaving Mexico until they get a FAIR title shot at LAX.  To get the title shot, they show up at LAX's Tijuana hangout, a strip club PG stripping while the bouncer puts in a call to Conan to let him know OVE is hanging at the club.

Is OVE going to get some bottle service and dances?  Nope, they're gonna get LAX, who gets in their face.  They threaten each other and LAX says they will meet next week at Victory Road.

So, are they leaving Mexico without getting their fair title shot at LAX?

Before we got to break, we are reminded that the main event is Eli Drake at AAA!

We come back to let us know abut the second episode of Global Forged (will that name be changed?  Will it?)  and GFW is looking for new stars.,  We get a montage of the people trying out, and most look pretty green.  There was one guy  who said he lost his job and he is banking on this to be his future.

Um.  Dude.  I'm afraid that you better keep up the job search.

Moose will tell us about getting beat up by Bobby Lashley after the break!

Gail, Rosemary and Allie give a promo about how they can't wait to fight next week.

We are filled in on how last week, battle for the X-Division title that Trevor Lee won.  Petey Williams has decided that he is bringing prestige back to the title and Trevor Lee doesn't deserve to be champion.

I'll say this, everyone is talking about wanting a title, which makes the titles seem important. 

Did you know Bound For Glory is coming? Did you realize we are over 45 minutes into the show and we've only had two very short matches? 

We catch up with Grado, who is with Park, Park and Park promotions, wrestling in a bar and showing us the money in his fanny pack he has made from selling gimmicks.  Your guess is as good as mine, but hey, we got to see a wrestling move or two, so that was nice.

Finally, it's time for Tag Team Action.  Maybe this match will be longer than 4 minutes.  Maybe.

They show us how it was all set up from last week, and how EC3 and Eddie Edwards are uneasy partners.  We start intros, and  El Hijo Del Phasma and Pagano are to the ring first.  Eddie comes to the ring, and EC3 is the last one out, and he clears the ring as we go to break.

Match 3: El Hijo Del Fantasma and Pagano vs Eddie Edwards and EC3

El Hijo vs Eddie to start.  Eddie gets first 2 count and he tags in EC3 who gets a legitimate pop from the crowd.  The heels get the upper hand and work over EC3 who is unable to get the tag.  The heels use quick tags and work over EC3, and when EC3 is finally able to crawl toward his corner, El Hije takes out Eddie so that he can't tag. 

The heels continue their beat-down until EC 3 is able to tag in Eddie, who takes control, leading to things in the ring breaking down.  Eddie is able to hit the Blue Thunder Bomb on El Hijo, but the ref is distracted by EC3 and Pagano brawling outside the ring.  With no one to count the pin, Eddie goes to get the ref when the foreshadowing earlier in the show pays off.  Texano Jr, another AAA star shows up and powerbombs Eddie.  This leads to El Hijo getting the pin.

Your winners:   El Hijo Del Fantasma and Pagano

The three heels are beating down Eddie and EC3, and who will show up to even the odds?  James Storm who comes from the back, clears the ring and has an uneasy moment with EC3, and we are reminded that they faced each other not that long ago.

Say what you will, the announcers are getting the story lines over and making things that happened in the past matter.  This was a solid match and fun to watch, if a bit by the numbers. 

Johnny Impact runs into the three AAA heels after the match, and he asks them where Eli Drake is.  They remind him he is still in Mexico. 

But, his car!  That HAS to pay off at some point, right?

Johnny gets in  Texano Jr's face and they decide to have a match.

Tonight!

For the number one contendership!

Later in the show!

Match 4: Kongo Kong vs. Mahabali Shera

This will obviously be a showcase for technical wrestling.  I'm just kidding, it's a punch punch, kick kick match that wouldn't have been out of place on WWF Superstars in 1994 and Kong wins with a who really cares, I am so bored by this match I just want them both to lose.

Fine.  Kong wins with a cannon ball followed by a splash, one, two, three, not even good for what it was.

Your Winner: Kongo Kong

They promote a PPV called Anthem-ology Volume 2, but it's spelled in the standard Anthology. 

We then go to Mexico, where Eli Drake bad mouths Johnny Nitro and hits the point that he came to Johnny's home, and he wasn't there.  Not a bad promo in an empty arena.

We then get more of Moose hyping that he's going to beat Bobby Lashley no matter how many MMA fighters he brings.

Match 5: Texano Jr vs Johnny Impact

They fight for control, and Johnny gets the upper hand first.  He gets the first 2 count and Johnny is showcasing his moves.  Lots of high flying stuff here, and Johnny looks great.  They go out of the ring, which is the international sign that it's time for a commercial.

When we come back, we are told they have been brawling outside the ring all through the break with Jr dealing out the punishment. 

When they get back in the ring, Jr puts on the reverse figure four, and Johnny tries to reverse it, but instead has to go for the rope break.  Nice sequence there that really hooked the crowd.  Johnny knocked Jr out of the ring, and when doing a flip from the apron, he tweaks his ankle, which gives Jr. an opening.  They go back and forth with Johnny selling the hurt ankle and Jr. trying to take advantage of it.  In the next brawl outside the ring, Jr stops Johnny from another flip by sweeping his legs off the apron and Johnny takes a huge bump.

Back in the ring as Johnny is fighting through the pain.  He is finally able to get Jr. down where he hits Starship pain for the pin.

Your Winner, Johnny Impact.

This was a great match, probably the best of the night, with a lot of back and forth, Johnny Nitro did what he does and Texano Jr. used his brawling style to give the match drama. 

Johnny kicks Jr. out of the ring and takes control.

Johnny tweaks his ankle

back and forth.  Jr. takes control outside by pulling Johnny off the apron

Starship pain

GREAT match.

We then get Laurel Van Ness looking for a man in the audience.  He makeup is all messed up, the announcers tell us what is going on and it leads to a whole lot of nothing this week.  .

We go to the back, where the heel women are asking for a match next week, and Karen Jarrett is allowing it, saying be careful what you wish for.  I think she should have told that to the guy who just lost his job and is putting all his eggs in Impact's basket from Global Forged.

It's time for the main event from Mexico because Eli Drake will wrestle ANYWHERE to defend his title!

Match 6:  Eli Drake vs. Bronce

The announcers make sure we know that Bronce is the youngest member of AAA, and even though he is in a full body suit and mask, he looks it.  Eli gets instant heat by refusing to shake hands and instead raises his hand for the greco roman knuckle lock, and because Bronce is too short to reach, Eli slaps him instead.

This was a strength vs high flier match, and Bronce got in very little offense.  Bronce builds a bit of momentum, and then Eli uses a power move to stop him, and the story of the match is that Bronce is simply over matched.  In the end, Eli gets in a power bomb followed by the Gravy Train for the easy victory. 

It's time to let us know what is coming up for next week on Road to Victory.  We get a run down of the matches we will get last week and then credits.

Wait.

WHAT ABOUT ELI'S CAR BEING IN THE PARKING LOT??!!?

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