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We are in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and your announcers are Jerry ‘What about the Primanti Sisters’ Lawler and Michael ‘How would I look with Troy Polamalu’s hair’ Cole.
John Cena makes his way to the ring and he has something to say.
He says that there must be some Rock fans in the audience tonight. It is loud on both sides. You have twenty days left to pick a side. Since he stands in the middle of a sold out house divided, he has a message for all of the Rock fans. It is the same message he gave to the Rock a few weeks ago.
He says that Rock’s time is up and his time is now. That is a bitter pill to swallow but he says that because all they have is right now. Starting with the Royal Rumble, it has been a tidal wave of momentum. For those who stuck through the hard times and have been by him, he will not guarantee a victory. Cena says that he is ready for Wrestlemania and he points to the sign to prove it.
Darren Young and Titus O’Neil come out and Titus says that Cena is not the only one ready for Wrestlemania because the Prime Time Players are ready for Wrestlemania. Titus says that he is Rufus Pancake.
Cena mentions that we are in Pittsburgh, the home of the Steelers and Penguins. There are some great doctors who deal with multiple personalities and they will help Titus.
Titus says that the only medication that the WWE Universe needs is the Prime Time Players. Darren says that they put the ‘E’ in WWE Entertainment.
Titus and Darren do the Millions of Dollars Dance and Titus hurt his hip.
Cena says that they have something and they are making him smile. Cena says that their timing is a bit off. Cena says that maybe they will get it right after Wrestlemania.
Titus says that the people don’t want to see him at Wrestlemania. They want to see the Prime Time Players.
Titus says that people say that Darren looks like John Cena. Darren should be on the cover of Cocoa Pebbles. Titus says that his gout has flared up and he is a few days from his first Social Security Check and Friday is bingo night. Darren will tear John limb from limb.
Darren says that John will be crying and weeping on the ramp, the loser he is, just like last year’s Wrestlemania.
Cena asks if that is what it is all about. Cena tells Darren he steps in the ring and he will show Darren what it is like to be ready for the main event of Wrestlemania.
Match Number One: John Cena versus Darren Young (with Titus “Pancake Patterson†O’Neil)
Cena with a punch and he sends Darren into the turnbuckles and then he hits a bulldog after an Irish whip. Young goes to the floor and we go to commercial.
We are back and Cena waits for Young to get up for the two flying shoulder tackles and the Blue Thunder Bomb. It is time for the five knuckle shuffle and he hits it and then gets Young on his shoulders for the Attitude Adjustment and Cena points to the sign first and then he gets the three count.
Winner: John Cena
Michael Cole mentions that John Cena is not the only person who is ready for Wrestlemania. The Undertaker returned last week and he will face CM Punk. Undertaker is on Raw tonight.
Michael Cole mentions the tensions between Mark Henry and Ryback. We see what happened when Godzilla faced King Kong in the ring on Smackdown, only to see The Shield attack Ryback. Then Mark Henry tried to send Ryback through the center of the Earth with a series of World’s Strongest Slams.
Ryback is walking in the back and he is ready to be fed something.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Two: Ryback versus David Otunga
Ryback runs Otunga into the corner and then he chops Otunga a few times and then he punches Otunga. Ryback runs into a boot and then he connects with a boot to the head and a kick to Ryback. Ryback with a running body block and then he spins Otunga into position for a power slam. Ryback with a running clothesline and then it is time for the marching muscle buster and the three count.
Winner: David Otunga
Ryback says that him, Randy Orton, and Sheamus are going to tear The Shield apart. As far as the World’s Strongest Man is concerned, they will cross paths again before Wrestlemania. When that time comes, it will be feeding time.
Mark Henry’s music plays and he makes his way to the ring.
Vickie Guerrero and Teddy Long try to stop Mark from doing anything with Ryback. Teddy tells Mark to wait a moment.
Vickie says that Ryback is out of the six man tag match. If Ryback wants to wrestle at Wrestlemania, he will face Mark Henry.
Ryback appears to be in a good mood because he picks up David Otunga and carries him around the ring on his shoulders before hitting the marching muscle buster.
We might have a new match for Wrestlemania, but we have a Contract Signing between Brock Lesnar and Triple H.
Tout your stipulation choices.
Fandango will be debuting tonight . . . okay, probably not, but he will be walking onto the stage one more time.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Fandango now has a golden shower curtain to come through before he dances.
Fandango makes his way down the ramp.
Fandango tells Stretch that it is quite obvious that he is far too stupid to pronounce his name correctly. Maybe they let the beautiful, sensual Canadian slice of heaven Natalya give it a try. She tells Khali to get him.
Fandango says that tonight was the night when you almost got to see the debut of Fandango.
We are back and Damien Sandow has something to say after they silence his music. Henry David Thoreau says rather than love than money than fame, give me truth. He is rolling over in his grave right now with that man in the ring calling himself R Truth. Judging by his appearance and action, the ‘R’ stands for ‘Repugnant’.
You’re Welcome.
Truth says Thoreau was quite a poet and he has some poetry. Your beard is weird and you talk a lot, I’ve got four sweet words for you. You’re gonnna get got.
Match Number Three:R Truth versus Damien Sandow
Sandow with forearms and then he connects with knees to the midsection. Sandow with a knee drop and he gets a near fall. Sandow with a reverse chin lock. Truth with a punch and a sunset flip for a near fall. Truth with a clothesline and then he punches and kicks Truth.
Sandow with a suplex and he gets a near fall. Sandow returns to the reverse chin lock. Sandow with knees to Truth followed by a side Russian leg sweep and then he hits the elbow of disdain and he gets a near fall. Truth with an elbow and clotheslines. Truth with punches to Sandow and then he connects with an uppercut.
Truth with a head scissors followed by a leaping leg lariat. Truth with a kick and then he hits the scissors kick. Sandow goes up the ramp and he goes to the back and he gets counted out.
Winner: R Truth (by count out)
Cody Rhodes is in the back watching with the Bellas and they comment on the mustache. Kaitlyn interrupts and she says that she has a thing later so they can’t hang out. Kaitlyn tells them that they can have the mustache. She tells Cody he can have theirs.
We go to commercial.
We are back with the Slam of the Week: Kane beating CM Punk due to Undertaker’s chicanery. Then we see CM Punk returning serve and the RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION shown by the announcers.
Undertaker’s gong sounds and the lights go down and he makes his way to the ring.
Taker tells Punk that he sealed his own fate last week when he decided to make this personal. There is no escaping what will happen to him at Wrestlemania. Taker says that he will hurt him, and he will hurt him bad. Punk has one chance to save his soul. Taker says that he wants that urn back.
There is a voice that sounds slightly like Paul Bearer and it is CM Punk playing ventriloquist with the urn. He says that he couldn’t hit the high notes. Paul’s death wasn’t a personal loss, it was a professional loss. At Wrestlemania, if Taker gets counted out or disqualified, it is still a loss.
Punk says that Taker is the best at Wrestlemania. Taker is the best in the world at Wrestlemania, but Taker has never faced Punk before and he is the best in the world 365 days a year. Taker answers to a higher calling and he has powers. Punk says that he is a higher power. Punk says that he will not say that he was born to beat the streak or that it is his destiny.
Punk says that he will endure whatever pain Taker wants to befall on him. Punk says that he will beat the streak and he is the one who will end the undefeated streak at Wrestlemania. Punk says that he is the ‘1’ in ’20-1’. Punk drops the urn and fortunately the top did not come off. Punk tosses the urn in the air some more.
We go to commercial.
We are back and a new name will be added to the Class of 2013.
We take a look back at why CM Punk is a wrestler and not on the Harlem Globetrotters.
Match Number Four: Epico and Primo (with Rosa Mendes) versus Kane and Daniel Bryan
Kane and Primo start things off and Kane with knees and an uppercut. Primo is forced to the floor and Bryan tags in and he tells Kane to calm down. Primo hits Bryan from behind and he connects with knees to the midsection. Primo with a side head lock and shoulder tackle.
Bryan with a knee to the midsection. Bryan sends Primo into the turnbuckles and it is time for Kicks of No. Primo with a sunset flip off the turnbuckles but Bryan rolls through and kicks Primo to get a near fall. Primo with a kick and Epico tags in. Bryan with an arm drag and arm bar.
Bryan with a back body drop to Epico and then Primo gets in the ring to distract Bryan and Epico with a knee to the back that sends Bryan to the floor. Epico gets a near fall and then he sends Bryan into the turnbuckles. Primo tags in and kicks Bryan. Epico tags in and they switch places but continue with the kicks.
Primo tags back in and he hits a drop kick and gets a near fall. Primo with a side Russian leg sweep and Epico with a slingshot senton for a near fall. Bryan with a snap mare but Epico with a clothesline for a near fall. Epico with a punch and then he tags Primo back in. Primo with a splash to the back and then he gets a near fall. Primo with a reverse chin lock and Bryan tries to make the tag but Primo stops him.
Bryan sends Primo into the corner and then he tags in Kane. Kane with clotheslines followed by a back body drop and a running clothesline into the corner. Kane with an Irish whip but Primo gets his boot up. Primo charges at Kane and Kane with a side slam. Kane punches Epico and he goes to the floor. Kane goes up top for the clothesline.
Kane signals for the choke slam and AJ’s music plays and she skips to the ring in her Kane outfit.
Primo gets a near fall with a rollup. Kane grabs Primo and then he catches Epico as he comes off the turnbuckles. Bryan with a drop kick to send Primo to the floor. Kane with a choke slam to Epico for the three count.
Winners: Kane and Daniel Bryan
After the match, AJ stares at Bryan and Kane before skipping to the back.
Chris Jericho is in the interview area and Josh Mathews asks him about the Intercontinental Title Match. Chris says that he has held the Intercontinental Title more than any other person. Tonight he gets the chance to make it ten. They are on the way to the Showcase of the Immortals. From the Rock to the Undertaker to Y2J.
Fandango interrupts and Chris wants to know if he has anything to say. Chris asks him what his name is and he tells Jericho. Chris calls him FanDumbo. FanDjango. FanSweetMango. FanDingoAteMyBabyO and more plays on his name.
Fandango says that was funny and Christopher will learn to pronounce his name properly. Chris say that he never got to order his tickets for Dead Man Down.
We go to commercial.
Coverage Continues on Next Page
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