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By Mike Johnson on 2011-04-20 22:51:00
2 Tuff Tony vs. Sabu

They immediately started brawling and went to the floor. Tony used a chair on Sabu. Sabu was bleeding from the side or back of the head. They returned to the ring, where Tony nailed him with a chair to the gut.

Tony went to suplex Sabu on a chair but just barely nailed it, catching it on the corner. Tony began beating Sabu with headbutts. They had sound effects for the shots. I hated that. Sabu pulled out a spike and drilled Tony with it. The storyline here is that Sabu had tried to take out Tony's eye with it previously.

Sabu started carving up Tony's forehead with it. Tony began bleeding. Tony came back with a series of punches. Sabu kicked him low and threw a chair in Tony's face, He nailed Air Sabu on Tony then kicked him in the head.

Sabu began choking Tony, then flung another chair at his head. Sabu dropped an elbow for a two count. Sabu reversed a whip and ended up sending Tony into the referee. Sabu charged Tony, who moved and Sabu nailed the referee again.

Tony cleaned house on Sabu and nailed a Lionsault. Tony doused his hand with alcohol, let a fan light it on fire and nailed Sabu with it. Sabu's manager, Charlie Brown, attacked Tony. '

Rob Conway came out to theme music and attacked Tony, putting a sleeper on him. The announcers were confused as he had attacked Sabu and Brown previously. Brown pulled out a wad of cash to pay him. Rhino hit the ring and ran off the others, checking on Tony.

The referee ruled the match a no contest.

Rhino took the mic and said if they wanted to try to beat up 2 Tuff Tony, they should get in the ring with them in two weeks at the next show so they can kick their asses "Juggalo style."

Match was OK. This wasn't designed to be pretty and it wasn't. I laughed when the referee said it was no contest. I guess a guy lighting his hand on FIRE and using it isn't a DQ?!!? I always love watching Sabu and wish he was working on a larger, national scale.

They aired a video feature on Kongo Kong.

Superstar Bill Martel vs. Kongo Kong

Martel is a throwback wrestler coming out dressed like Dan Severn with a sweatshirt and a towel around his neck. He said he was beaten worse than he's ever been beaten in his life two weeks ago by Kong. He said to himself that he knew he could beat that guy and he was here tonight to prove he could beat Kongo Kong. The announcers said that if he could, he'd be the first.

Kong is managed by Truth Martini. Kong is a big heavyset guy wearing facepaint.

Martel attacked Kong, sent him into the corner and started using a sleeper to try and put him out. He tried to headbutt Kong but Kong, being from the jungle, no sold it. Martel still went for another sleeper but was run backwards into the corner. Martel tried to shake it off and still went back to the sleeper.

Martel nailed several shots but Kong grabbed him, pressed him and powerslammed Martel. Kong went to the top rope and hit a top rope splash.

Things Gordon Solie never said #3 - "OH SH**!"

Kong scored the pin. He beat Martel with a big chokeslam after.

Your winner, Kongo Kong!

More or less a squash.

Officer Colt Cabana vs. Weedman

Cabana came out dressed like a vice cop. His mannerims were great. Cabana was using a flashlight to inspect the audience. Does anyone do as many personas as Cabana at the same time and pull them off so well? How WWE let this guy go blows my mind.

Cabana pulled a planted fan out of the crowd and frisked him. He took contraband off the fan and cuffed them to the ringpost. Weedman is a masked guy who comes out smoking, well, you know.

Cabana missed a charge in the corner so Weedman blew smoke in his face. Cabana ended up on the floor, where Weedman hit a sliding dropkick. Cabana tossed him into the rail but missed a charge into one. Weedman hit a moonsault press off the railing.

Cabana tried to escape but was stopped by Weedman on the stage. He went for a suplex but Cabana reversed it and Weedman took the bump on a metal bridge between the stage and the ring.

Cabana began working over Weedman. The fans are trying to rally him with a "420" chant. I bet Frank Gotch never got one of those. Cabana choked him against the ropes. Weedman, not Gotch.

Cabana tried to go for Weedman's mask. Weedman fought back with a series of rights but missed a splash in the corner. Cabana jawjacked with the fans as he climbed to the top but was nailed by Weedman and knocked into the ring.

Weedman nailed Cabana with a series of clotheslines and a standing moonsault press. Cabana cut him off and whipped him into the corner. Weedman kicked him off and nailed another kick off the ropes for a two count.

Cabana grabbed Weedman's mask and pulled it off. Weedman ran to the back. The fans chanted, "You f***ed up."

Weedman did not return and the referee counted him out.

Your winner by countout, Officer Colt Cabana!

Cabana put the mask in an evidence bag. That made me laugh.

Things Gordon Solie never said # 4: "What a d***. In all aspects. What a d***head cop."

Cabana took the mic and said he has Weedman's mask and now he knows exactly who the drug dealer is. He promised to put him in a jail and rape him. "I guarantee it." He told the Juggalo that he arrested that he was just one and he was going to arrest all of them eventually.

He challenged Weedman to a rematch on the 5/4 Internet PPV with Weedman's mask vs. Cabana's career as a police officer.

Cabana dragged off the arrested fan and at one point acted like he was going to bend him over and penetrate him. The announcers called it police brutality.

They ran a video for the next Internet PPV.

More on Page 3!

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