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We start off with the Rock’s music and he is on the TitanTron looking very Rocky. He asks John Cena if he wants to team with the Rock at Survivor Series. Can it be done? Should it be done for one night? John and him are the most polarized men on Earth. Cena represents an era and a generation and so does Rock. Last week, Cena asked the Rock and he asked from the heart. Rock says . . . from the heart . . . hell no.
Does Cena want the Rock to be his tag team partner, the same one who has been knocking on his door for years. In order for the Rock and John Cena to be a team, Cena will hold his hand out for Rock to slap the skin off his hand. He would rather slap Cena in the face.
Cena wants Team Bring It to team with the Froot Loop Troop. It won’t happen.
Rock says that the Rock started to think about it and he started to listen. When he wakes up every morning he sees people telling him to team up for one night. There was a reason to hook him. They both hate and despise Miz and R Truth. It ain’t about what Rock wants and it ain’t about what John Cena wants. It is about what the people want and they want to see Miz and Truth get their jabroni asses kicked.
Rock says that he will give the people what they want for one night at Survivor Series.
He tells Miz and R Truth that they might have become bad asses and the most hated men in the WWE. He tells them not to do it from behind and to confront him to his face.
Rock tells Cena that he got his wish and all of Cena’s fans are on their Twitter thanking Rocky. Rock tells them that there is another reason why he is doing this. That reason is that the Rock wants Cena to witness and stand on the apron to be one foot away from the most electrifying man in the world. What Rock does to Miz and R Truth is just a taste of what he is going to do to him at Wrestlemania. He tells John to witness, watch, and respect how a real man gets it done.
Rock says never before . . . never again. Now it is time to smell.
Before our first match starts, we see the video of the superplex at Vengeance that destroyed the ring.
John Laurinaitis comes out and he introduces himself and he says that CM Punk will face Alberto Del Rio if he can beat Mark Henry tonight.
Match Number One: CM Punk versus Mark Henry
Henry with a kick and forearms to the back followed by a kick. Henry continues to attack Punk in the corner with an Irish whip. Punk goes to the turnbuckles and he leaps on Henry’s back and connects with elbows. Henry gets Punk up and hits a power slam and gets a near fall.
Punk with kicks to Henry followed by a punch. Henry throws Punk over the top rope but Punk stays on the apron. Punk with a kick and he hits a springboard clothesline and then he goes up top for the Macho Man Elbow drop and he hits it and gets a near fall.
Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez come to the ring and Alberto tells Ricardo to attack Henry to get Punk disqualified but the referee only sends Ricardo away. Ricardo hits Henry with his shoe and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Mark Henry by disqualification
After the match, Punk attacks Ricardo and Del Rio. Punk punches Del Rio and then Punk sends Ricardo into the apron and grabs him by the neck. Ricardo begs for mercy but Punk sends Ricardo into the ring. Mark Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Ricardo (at least it sounded like it because the camera was focused on Punk).
Michael Cole scares us by telling us that he is going to be the voice of WWE forever.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Kermit and Miss Piggy make their way out and they welcome everyone to Raw. Miss Piggy says that she is the original Diva. Vickie Guerrero and Jack Swagger come out.
Vickie says that it was bad enough that Hugh Jackman took over the show, now they have to share the show with livestock. Swagger says that it ain’t easy being frog legs. Piggy yells at Swagger.
Kermit tells Jack that he doesn’t want to have any problem with Jack and his mother.
Santino comes out to interrupt the Excuse Me and Excuse Moi.
He says that everyone is officially excused. Santino tells Jack that he shouldn’t be picking on any of the Muppets. He should be warming up. Santino says that Jack has the opportunity to show his skills against him.
Jack shuts up Kermit and reminds Santino that he is an All American and a former World Champion. He will have Dolph in his corner tonight.
Santino says that Dolph has a match tonight against Zack Ryder.
Kelly Kelly comes out and she is dressed like a pirate and she kisses Kermit before going to the ring.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Two: Divas Costume Battle Royal Number One Contender Match
Natalya eliminates Rosa while the Divas pair off. Aksana gets eliminated by the Bellas. Tamina super kicks AJ off the apron but Kaitlyn takes care of Tamina. The Bellas eliminate Kaitlyn. Kelly and Eve deal with the Bellas while Natalya deals with Alicia. Eve with a moonsault onto the Bellas. Kelly with a Stinkface to both Bellas. Kelly and Eve eliminate the Bellas.
Kelly, Eve, and Alicia slap Natalya and Natalya with a discus clothesline to Eve. Natalya sends Kelly to the apron and then she eliminates Alicia. Natalya eliminates Kelly but Eve eliminates Natalya.
Winner: Eve Torres
After the match, Beth and Natalya come into the ring but Kelly and Alicia stand by Eve’s side. Beth and Natalya think better of hurting three women so they leave the ring.
We go to the back and Bunsen and Beaker are in the back and Bunsen is working on an energy drink for Santino.
Beaker bumps into Christian and Christian pours out the drink that was for Santino. Christian turns around and he sees Beaker’s brother from a different life form.
Christian walks away and we have a family reunion. Sheamus says that he can’t make it this year and he tells Beaker to tell Aunt Teresa hello. Sheamus fixes Beaker’s hair.
Match Number Three: Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne versus Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett
Cody and Bourne start things off and Cody works on the wrist. Cody with a kick and punch. Bourne with a knee and Kofi is tagged in. Kofi with a drop kick (or something since the camera angle was horrible). Kofi with uppercuts and forearms to Cody. Cody with an Irish whip but Kofi with a pendulum kick to Cody followed by a kick to Barrett. Cody kicks the ropes when Kofi goes for a springboard move.
Cody with a side Russian leg sweep for a near fall and Barrett is tagged in. Barrett with a Black Pool Slam for a near fall. Barrett with a seated abdominal stretch. Kofi with punches but Barrett’s with jabs and a right to knock Kofi down and he gets a near fall. Cody tags back in and he kicks Kofi. Cody kicks Kofi in the corner. Cody with a chin lock but Kofi with a kick. Cody with a drop toe hold and he tags in Barrett.
Barrett kicks Kofi in the head and Barrett kicks him. Cody tags back in and he punches Kofi in the head. Cody with jabs to Kofi but Kofi with a monkey flip to Rhodes. Bourne and Barrett tag in and Bourne with a series of kicks and then he tries for a rana but Barrett holds on for Wasteland but Bourne with a DDT counter and Cody breaks up the cover.
Kofi is sent to the floor. Bourne goes up top but Barrett grabs Bourne and hits Wasteland for the three count.
Winners: Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett
After the match, Christian goes after Kofi and then Barrett and Rhodes join in the attack.
Sheamus’ music plays and he pulls Christian out of the ring and then he hits a Brogue Kick on Cody (at least we kind of saw it).
Statler and Waldorf are shown watching the action and they comment on things.
John Laurinaitis is checking his phone for his text of the week. Punk enters the room and he wants to know if he saw what happened. He wants to know if that was fair. Punk wants to know what is next. Punk makes a number of suggestions. John tells Punk that he has his title match if Del Rio agrees to it.
John says that he has business to do and Punk says that seems fair enough. John continues to text as we go to commercial.
We are back with another Brodus Clay video package. Maybe he will return after Season Five of NXT ends. Looks like he is coming next week.
We see footage from earlier tonight when Ricardo Rodriguez got CM Punk disqualified. Apparently punches are not DQ worthy, but shoes are.
Match Number Four: Alberto Del Rio versus Big Show
Del Rio punches Show but Show puts Del Rio in the corner and he punches Del Rio and chops him. Show with a head butt followed by a chop. Show chokes Del Rio in the ropes. Del Rio with kicks and punches to Show but Show responds with a head butt. Show punches Del Rio in the midsection. Del Rio with a kick but Show with a clothesline.
Show with a suplex to Del Rio and he gets a near fall. Show chokes Del Rio in the ropes. Show with an Irish whip but Del Rio moves when Show charges into the corner. Show with a clothesline. Show with another Irish whip but he runs into boots from Del Rio. Del Rio works on the leg and then he applies a sleeper. Show starts to slouch over and he falls to a knee.
Show gets back to his feet and then he sends Del Rio to the mat. Del Rio goes to the floor and Show splashes Del Rio against the ringside barrier. They exchange punches. Show kicks Del Rio into the ringside barrier and then he connects with a knee to the chest.
Del Rio trips Show and Show falls into the ringside barrier. Del Rio with a step up enzuigiri. Del Rio gets back into the ring but then he goes back to the floor. They return to the ring and Del Rio with kicks to the head. Del Rio gets a near fall but Show with an emphatic kick out. Del Rio with a front face lock on Show. Show with a side slam to escape the hold and both men are down.
Del Rio with a punch but Show with a chop across the chest to Del Rio. Del Rio probably with a drop kick, assuming that is what happened when we cut to a fan in the front row. Del Rio returns to the front face lock. Show pushes Del Rio off and hits a clothesline that sends Del Rio over the top rope to the floor.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Del Rio works on Show’s leg but Show uses his other leg to get out of the hold. Del Rio with a kick to the head but Show grabs Del Rio by the throat. Del Rio with kicks and a DDT for a near fall that sends Del Rio to the floor when Show kicks out. Show punches Del Rio when Del Rio tries for the enzuigiri in the corner and Show gets the three count.
Winner: Big Show
After the match, CM Punk comes out and he walks past Big Show and he makes his way to the ring. Punk gets a mic and a bottle of water. Punk asks Del Rio if he can hear him and then Punk pours the water in Del Rio’s face to wake him up.
Punk wants Del Rio to comprehend what he is going to say. Punk says that he is going to ask Del Rio a simple yes or no question. Punk says that he is going to put Del Rio in the Anaconda Vice until Del Rio says yes and gives Punk the match at Survivor Series. Del Rio agrees to give Punk the match.
Punk tells everyone that Del Rio said yes. Punk tells his amigo that he will see him at Survivor Series.
Fozzie and Gonzo are walking in the back. Fozzie comments on how big everyone is. Gonzo says that he could be WWE Champ. He tells Vickie, Dolph, and Jack how easy it is to be champion. Fozzie watches Jack and Dolph pull Gonzo’s arms and wrap them around his face.
Dolph tells them to make sure that none of their friends get involved.
We go to commercial.
We are back and time to see some costumes.
Your time keeper for this next match is Animal.
Match Number Five: Jack Swagger with his mom Vickie Guerrero versus Santino Marella
They lock up and Swagger sends Santino to the mat. Swagger with a clothesline and forearm to the back. Swagger with elbows to Santino’s midsection and Swagger does push ups on Santino’s back. Swagger with a hard Irish whip to Santino and then he hits a splash into the corner. Swagger runs into a boot and Santino with forearms and punches. Swagger with a knee and punch to Santino.
Swagger taunts Santino and he tries for a clothesline but Santino with a split and hip toss followed by a diving head butt for a near fall. Swagger with a leg sweep and he puts Santino in the ankle lock but Santino sends Swagger into the ropes. Beaker gives Santino the energy drink and Santino spits it in Swagger’s face and Santino with the three count with a rollup.
Winner: Santino Marella
We go to commercial.
Match Number Six: Zack Ryder versus Dolph Ziggler with Jack Swagger’s Mom
They lock up and Ziggler with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Ryder with arm drags and a rollup for a near fall. Ziggler with a clothesline and a kick to Ryder’s head. Ziggler with a punch to the head. Ryder with a clothesline or two but Ziggler with an Irish whip. Ryder with a back elbow and a missile drop kick followed by a pescado and we go go go to commercial . . . You know it.
We are back and Ziggler with an arm bar and chin lock. Ryder with punches but Ziggler with a kick and then he sends Ryder to the mat. Ziggler with a leaping elbow drop for a near fall. Ziggler with a neck breaker and then he tries for a drop kick but Ryder catches Ziggler. Ryder catapults Ziggler into the turnbuckles.
Ryder with a flapjack and then he sends Ziggler into the corner. The referee pulls Ryder out of the corner but Ryder with a forearm to Ziggler. Ryder with a running boot to the face. Ryder gets a near fall. Ziggler with a jawbreaker but Ryder gets his knees up when Ziggler tries for a splash. Ryder gets what he thinks is the three count but Ziggler had his foot on the rope so the match continues.
Vickie grabs Ryder’s foot and Ziggler hits Ryder. Ziggler tries for the Zig Zag but Ryder holds the ropes. Ryder with the Rough Ryder for the three count.
Winner: Zack Ryder
We go to commercial.
We are back with a look back at what happened to Triple H last week thanks to Kevin Nash.
It is time for an update. Hunter suffered a concussion and a fractured vertebrae so he will be out five more weeks. We see the story from WWE.com that John Laurinaitis has signed Kevin Nash to a contract and Nash will be on Raw next week.
Now it is time for the moment you have been waiting for. Michael Cole gets on the announce table and he says that they are not going to see him finish off the tub of goo. Cole says that Jim Ross is suffering from IBD. Cole wonders if Jim Ross will appear next week. He says that it Depends as he holds up an adult diaper.
Statler and Waldorf are in a skybox and they say that nothing is worse than listening to Michael Cole.
Miss Piggy is playing with John Morrison’s abs. John thought that they wanted to talk. Miss Piggy invites John to dinner but he says that he has plans. Morrison puts Hornswoggle in the room and Hornswoggle shows her a Miss Piggy tattoo on his ankle. Hornswoggle kisses Miss Piggy and she hits Hornswoggle. Kermit stops by to check on Hornswoggle.
Cody stops by and he puts a bag on Kermit’s head.
We go back to Statler and Waldorf and then we go to commercial.
Match Number Seven: Miz versus John Cena
They switch corners as they hear the fans before locking up. Cena with a side head lock take down followed by forearms. Cena with an Irish whip followed by a kick and suplex. Cena with a drop kick for a near fall. Cena misses a charge into the corner and Miz with a boot to the head and kicks to the back. Miz punches Cena and then he kicks Cena in the head and gets a near fall. Miz with a cravate followed by another boot to the head.
Miz sets for the Awesome Clothesline and he hits it from the right side. Miz goes up top and hits a double sledge to the top of the head for a near fall. Miz punches Cena followed by a knee to the head. Miz with a reverse chin lock. Cena gets to his feet and he sends Miz over with a snap mare. Cena with two flying shoulder tackles followed by the Blue Thunder Bomb. Cena with the Five Knuckle Shuffle and Attitude Adjustment set up but Miz escapes and hits an inverted DDT for a near fall.
Cena blocks a boot and tries to put Miz in the STF. Miz escapes and he hits a neck breaker for a near fall. Miz sets for the Skull Crushing Finale but Cena escapes and he hits a clothesline for a near fall. Cena goes up top for the Rocker Dropper but Miz recovers and punches Cena.
Miz sets for a superplex but Cena blocks it and he head butts Miz off the turnbuckles. Cena with the Rocker Dropper and he hits it and gets a near fall. Cena tries for the Attitude Adjustment but Miz escapes and hits a DDT for a near fall. Miz gets sent over the top rope to the floor and Cena follows. Cena sends Miz into the ringside barrier.
A man in a Ghostface mask and cape attacks Cena and Miz sends Cena back into the ring and tries for the Skull Crushing Finale and Cena counters with an STF and Miz taps.
Winner: John Cena
After the match, the person who tried to attack Cena at ringside comes into the ring and Cena gives him an Attitude Adjustment and he takes off the mask to reveal that it was R Truth.
We go to credits.
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