JCW Above The Law iPPV Report
I think this is a new venue for JCW.
The screen showed a JCW banner until about 7:15 and then switched to a live shot with the countdown music.
Lots of new banners and a new entrance. It even sports a disco ball, is Disco Machine here?
As DJ Clay, Shaggy 2 Dope, and KG Kevin Gill are introduced...you can really tell that they spent som serious cash on this new entrance. Man this looks really good. These iPPVs just keep getting better.
KG runs down the card for the night. The guys said they actually turned away people from the venue because of fire code. They said that this venue used to be a church.
As we get ready for the first match, Upchuck the Clown (ring announcer) leads out the blonde ring girl with the "Match #1" Card
Match #1 - Special Handicap Match: Kongo Kong with Truth Martini vs. Bumpin' Ugly #1, #2, and #3
Truth takes the mic and says he has something to say. He gets a "You Suck D**k" chant. Truth says he has not been a happy man lately. He says he is mad because Butler Jeeves is no longer the JCW Champion. He is also mad because the strongest force in JCW, Kongo Kong, hasn't gotten the respect he deserves. Truth says some people think he isn't playing with a full deck, but he plays with nobody. Everyone must respect Kongo Kong and tonight they will demonstrate his awesome power tonight.
All three Uglies attack Kong before the bell and dominate with the numbers game and beat Kongo Kong down to the mat. The Uglies do some double team work and actually get a pin, but Kong gets mad and fights his way up. Head buts and clotheslines to the Uglies in the corners. Kong hits a chokes slam, big power slam, and a hits a splash in the corner. Now Kong goes to the top rope and hits a big splash for the 3 count.
Your Winner, Kongo Kong!
Truth and Kong celebrate in the ring and Kong holds Truth and The Book of Truth on his shoulders. Kong is a very large man.
The announcers talk about 2 Tuff Tony and how it took him 13 years to win the JCW Championship on the last iPPV and show a video about how it happened.
Match #2 - The Weedman with Officer Colt Cabana vs. Rob Conway
Weedman came out to his normal music smoking a joint and Colt's music interupts and Colt makes his way to the ring with a mic. He accuses a member of the crowd of being a prostitue and then yells at the Weedman. "F**K the Police" chant. Colt accuses Weedman of hitting him in the head last week and blaming it on CM Punk. Colt then takes out the hood in a plastic bag and says that Weedman's finger prints are on it so he cuffs Weedman. Officer Colt says he is gonna enjoy taking Weedman to jail and personally raping him in the ass but first he is going to make him fight a match in handcuffs. Colt announces Rob Conway.
Weedman avoids Conway but finally gets caught with knee strikes in the corner. Conway takes Weedman to the center of the ring and hits some big uppercuts and stiff forearms to the face. Conway stomps Weedman on the mat. Weedman gets up and manages a few shots but is hit with a power bomb. Conway with shots ot the head while Weedman is down. The annoucers remind us that Conway is only here for the money is a goon for hire in JCW. Conway contiues to dominate and hits a short arm clothes line and locks in a sleeper. Weedman fights his way to his feet but Conway locks his legs and takes Weedman down while still holding the choke. The ref calls for the bell.
Your winner, by submission, Rob Conway!
After the match, Officer Colt pays Rob Conway cash and takes the mic. Colt says the money is courtesy of the fine tax payers in Michigan and tells Weedman he is on traffic duty. Colt says he has hired a new man of the law. When he needs him he will call on him to beat 2 Tuff Tony to become the JCW Champion because "I AM THE LAW". Damn Colt is funny!
Things Gordon Solie never said: "That makes me want to throw up out of my a**hole". Seriously!
Match #3 - Sabu with Charlie Brown vs. U-Gene with Zach Gowen
I always pop for "from Bombay, Michigan". The announcers wonder why a legend like Sabu would have the services of Charlie Brown and turned his back on the Juggalos. Zach grabs a headset and joins the guys on commentary. Sabu is letting his hair grow back it looks like.
They start the match with a tie up and clean break. Sabu then hits a forearm and throw U-Gene into the ropes and hits and elbow. U-Gene then hits a hiptoss and takes Sabu by surprise. U-Gene with a wristlock and Sabu counters. Sabu then sets in with an armbar but U-Gene reverses with a roll up for a two count and tries to ride Sabu like a horsey. Sabu is mad and tries to re group. They lock up and U-Gene gets a take down, Sabu fights up and forces U-Gene to the corner with a knee to the gut. U-Gene takes Sabu around to hit all the turnbuckles. U-Gene hits a big boot and leg drop Hogan style. U-Gene winds up for Sweet Chin Music but Sabu hits a chop to his throat and gets a quick pin.
Your Winner, Sabu!