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WWE RAW REPORT: AFTERMATH OF #EXTREMERULES; UNITED STATES TITLE BATTLE ROYAL; ARE YOU A ROSEBUD OR A LEMON?; AND A TRIBUTE TO MOTHERS

By Richard Trionfo on 2014-05-05 23:05:06
We are in Albany, New York and your announcers are Michael ‘Knickerbocker’ Cole, John ‘Why did Mini Me look like Ray Liotta’ Layfield, and Jerry ‘Can I get in the Battle Royal’ Lawler.

Match Number One: Battle Royal for the United States Title featuring Dean Ambrose, Titus O’Neil, R Truth, Santino Marella, Heath Slater, Big Show, Sin Cara, Jack Swagger, Ryback, Xavier Woods, Zack Ryder, Goldust, Fandango, Curtis Axel, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, Sheamus, Cody Rhodes, and Damien Sandow

The bell rings and people split the ring and pair up. Fandango works over Woods while Ziggler is sent to the apron. Show with a punch and head butt to Swagger. Cody and Goldust work over Ryder. Sheamus has Axel hanging on the ropes while Ziggler does the same to Ryback. Cara goes to the apron and back into the ring. Show chops Woods while Sheamus and Ambrose exchange punches.

Woods is eliminated by Show while Titus is sent to the apron by Cody and Goldust. Show chops Fandango and Ryback sends Cara to the apron . Ryder has been eliminated. Titus tries to eliminate Kofi but he stays in the ring. Show stands on Fandango’s chest. Cara kicks and chops Axel while R Truth is eliminated. Sheamus tries to eliminate Goldust while Santino is sent to the apron.

Ziggler leaps onto Show’s back. Cody holds on to the ropes to avoid being eliminated by Ambrose. Fandango chops Slater while Sheamus with a knee to Ryback. Sandow punches Henry but Henry punches back. Ziggler punches Show while Cara gets Axel on his shoulders. Slater and Fandango go to the apron. Titus is sent over the top rope by he stays on the apron because Santino cannot kick him to the floor.

Ziggler with a Stinger Splash to Slater and Titus is eliminated by Show. Slater and Ziggler hang on the apron while holding the ropes. Cody with a shoulder to Ambrose in the corenr. Slater punches Ziggler but Ziggler stays on the apron. Cara is eliminated by Big Show by press slam onto some of the people already eliminated.

Ryback works over Ambrose in the corner while Show stands on Slater’s face. Sheamus has Swagger hanging over the rope. Santino is sent to the apron. Ziggler misses a splash and he falls to the apron but he hangs from the apron. Axel tries to avoid elimination and he holds on to the ropes. Goldust with a chop to Slater. Sandow kicks Goldust. Show with a chop to Fandango.

Slater with punches to Sheamus while Sandow holds Sheamus. Sandow is sent to the apron and Sheamus with the forearms to the chest but Slater knocks Sandow off the apron to eliminate him. Sheamus with a clothesline to Slater but Ambrose hits Sheamus from behind as we go to commercial.

We are back and the totals have thinned a bit. Show is being worked on in one corner while Mark Henry is worked on the other corner. Show pushes his half off while Henry does the same. Heath Slater was eliminated during the commercial.

Big Show and Mark Henry square off in the center of the ring and they exchange punches. Show grabs Henry by the throat for a choke slam. Everyone goes after Show and he is eliminated. Now they go for Mark Henry as they go down the list of the heaviest wrestlers in the match. Henry is eliminated. Fandango is sent to the apron and he hits an enzuigiri on Kofi. Kofi is sent to the apron. Kofi comes back in and he holds on to the ropes but he is eliminated by Ambrose.

Swagger grabs Ambrose but Ambrose with a chin lock. Ryback with an elbow to Cody while Goldust punches Axel in the corner. Goldust is eliminated and then Cody is eliminated. Ziggler with a drop kick and he tries to send Santino over the top rope but Santino sends Dolph to the apron. Santino eliminated Dolph with the Cobra.

Santino holds up his Cobra to fend off Axel and Ryback, but they got their anti-venom so they send Santino to the apron. Santino hits Ryback, but Axel eliminates Santino.

We are down to Sheamus, Swagger, Ryback, Axel, and Ambrose with Axel and Ryback in control of things. Ambrose and Swagger battle while Sheamus kicks Axel and he hits the Finlay slam on Ryback. Sheamus with a double sledge to Axel. Ryback counters a Brogue Kick with a power bomb. Ambrose punches Ryback and they go to the corner.

Axel kicks Sheamus in the corner. Ambrose punches Axel but Ryback pulls him off. Ryback punches Ambrose and Axel with a knee to Swagger. Ambrose avoids going over the top rope and he head butts Ryback. He gives Axel a shoulder and he back drops Axel over the top rope to the floor.

Ambrose and Ryback exchange punches on the apron. Ryback with a head butt and then Ambrose with a drop kick to Ryback’s knee to eliminate him. Swawgger tries for a gutwrench over the top rope but Ambrose holds on to the ropes and he sends Swagger over the top rope to eliminate him. Sheamus with a Brogue Kick to Ambrose. Sheamus picks up Ambrose and he is eliminated.

Winner: Sheamus

After the match, Rollins and Reigns come into the ring to check on Dean.

The music for Triple H plays and he comes to the stage. Last night Evolution and The Shield engaged in an unforgettable war. The Shield got lucky last night. Since Ambrose lost the US Title, their luck is changing. The Shield will be in six man tag action tonight against the Wyatt Family so it appears that their luck has run out.

We go to commercial.

We are back with an Adam Rose video on the Exotic Express because he will be debuting tonight.

Renee Young is with Sheamus. She congratulates him on his victory. Sheamus says since he came back all he has been doing is spin his wheels. Every stopped clock is right twice a day. It is about waiting and timing. Tonight was the perfect chance for the Celtic Warrior to step back into glory.

Renee asks Sheamus if he has anything to say to Dean. He says No Hard Feelings . . . Fella.

We see photos of the WWE Championship match between Daniel Bryan and Kane.

Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella are in their locker room and Stephanie enters. She congratulates Daniel on his victory last night, but all he did was anger the Demon Kane. When Kane is angry, he is known to commit acts of violence. The only way that Daniel’s safety can be guaranteed is if he stays in the locker room until his match.

The door closes and Kane’s mask is hanging on the door.

We are back and Paul Heyman introduces himself and he reminds us that his client Brock Lesnar conquered the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at Wrestlemania. Paul says that he does not like their attitude and they will not like his. He introduces the man who won the Elimination Match at Extreme Rules, the King of Swing, the Swiss Superman, the King of Extreme . . . Cesaro.

Match Number Two: Rob Van Dam versus Cesaro (with Paul Heyman)

They lock up and Van Dam with a waist lock and Cesaro with a standing switch. Van Dam with a side head lock and take down. Cesaro with a side head lock and shoulder tackle for a near fall. Cesaro with a side head lock. Cesaro catches Van Dam on a leap frog attempt and he hits a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Cesaro with a knee and he tries to send Van Dam into the turnbuckles.

Van Dam blocks it and Van Dam with a kick followed by a side kick from the turnbuckles and Rolling Thunder. Cesaro rolls to the floor so Van Dam can do his thumbs deal. Cesaro talks with Heyman before returning to the apron. Cesaro drops Van Dam on the top rope and then he punches Van Dam in the eye that was affected at Extreme Rules.

Van Dam sends Cesaro over the top rope to the floor and then Van Dam with a flip dive onto Cesaro. Van Dam with a moonsault off the apron onto Cesaro. Van Dam with a slingshot leg drop for a near fall. Cesaro hot shots Van Dam onto the turnbuckles and then he slams Van Dam’s head into the apron.

Cesaro with an elbow drop for a near fall. Cesaro with a European uppercut but Van Dam flips over Cesaro’s back. Cesaro blocks the step over heel kick but Van Dam avoids the German suplex. Cesaro clotheslines Van Dam over the top rope and we go to commercial.

Cesaro with a reverse chin lock but Van Dam with elbows. Van Dam blocks a kick but he misses a spin kick. Van Dam with a sunset flip for a near fall. Cesaro with a double stomp for a near fall. Van Dam with an inside cradle for a near fall. Cesaro with a knee. Van Dam with a body scissors for a near fall. Cesaro with a kick but Cesaro runs into a boot. Van Dam goes for a cross body but Cesaro with a European uppercut for a near fall. Cesaro with another near fall.

Cesaro waits for Van Dam to get up. Cesaro with the running European uppercut into the corner but Van Dam kicks out. Cesaro with a dead lift side salto and he holds on for a second one. Cesaro holds on and hits a third one for a near fall. Cesaro with a forearm to Van Dam.

Cesaro with an Irish whip but Van Dam floats over and tries for a monkey flip but Cesaro sends Van Dam into the turnbuckles. Van Dam with an elbow and he goes up top but Cesaro knocks Van Dam off the turnbuckles and Van Dam hangs from the turnbuckles. Van Dam with a kick to Cesaro. Cesaro punches Van Dam from the floor but the referee gets to five so he calls for the bell.

Winner: Rob Van Dam (by disqualification)

After the match, Cesaro continues to punch Van Dam and he kicks him as well. Heyman tells Cesaro to stop or he will get suspended.

Michael Cole mentions the referral program for signing up people to the WWE Network.

The lights go down and the lantern is lit because Albany . . . they’re here.

We go to commercial.

Bray Wyatt is in the ring and he is sitting in his rocking chair.

He says Abigail always told him he was born to lead. She said one day Bray, you will change the world. He believed her. He always believed her. This world we live in. This horrible world we live in has very wicked ways about it. They would always snub their nose up at him and look down on him. They would refer to him as a piece of trash and a nobody.

They don’t even know it, but they have made this day so sweet and what a glorious day it is because last night, Bray Wyatt became somebody. Last night, John Cena’s fear was personified by a singing child.

We see the footage.

You can’t fool the children John for they are the foundation for what tomorrow will bring. Their ears are so eager to hear and their minds are so eager to learn. Their eyes see right through you John Cena.

John Cena tells all of you that Bray is a monster and John is right. Oh how cruel how he can be. He would also have you believe that his honorable message is nothing but lies and all he wishes to do is watch the world burn. John is right again. He wishes to watch this world burn.

He wishes to watch it burn like a farmer watches his spoiled crops burn so it can be regrown. He wants to see his world reborn in the image of Wyatt. John Cena thinks that all Bray does is for himself. That is where John Cena is dead wrong. He does this for the children. He does this for the poor man who stands day and night standing and begging on the side of the street. He does this for the teenage girl crying every morning because they didn’t think she was pretty enough to be the prom queen. He does this for each and every one of you.

As of today, tomorrow and every day passing forward, John Cena stands alone. Alone he shall fall. You children, you shall stand with him and you never have to be alone again. You stand with him and you will remember him not as a monster, but for what he truly is. . . .A GOD.

Bray sings and laughs as we go to commercial.

Match Number Three: Ryback (with Curtis Axel) versus Cody Rhodes (with Goldust)

They lock up and Ryback pushes Cody into the corner and he misses a punch. Cody with a side head lock and kick followed by a drop down uppercut. Ryback goes over the top rope to the floor when Cody ducks. Ryback returns to the ring and Cody with punches in the corner. Cody floats over and Ryback catches him and Ryback with a hot shot.

Ryback chokes Cody in the ropes. Ryback punches Cody and he follows with a back elbow for a near fall. Cody with a shoulder from the apron and he tries for a sunset flip but Ryback picks up Cody and slams his head into the mat. Ryback chokes Cody. Ryback with a suplex and he follows with a second one. Ryback with a delayed vertical suplex.

Ryback gets a near fall. Ryback with a chop in the corner but Cody with a punch. They go back and forth. Ryback with a hard Irish whip to Cody. Ryback with a forearm to the back and he chokes Cody in the ropes. Ryback with a slam and a splash for a near fall. Ryback with a reverse chin lock. Ryback sends Cody to the mat and he holds on to the reverse chin lock.

Ryback with a spinebuster but he misses the belly flop when Cody moves. Cody with a flying clothesline but Ryback goes for a press slam but Cody gets to his feet and he clips Ryback. Cody with a leg lariat for a near fall. Ryback gets Cody up for a power bomb but Cody lands on his feet and he hits Beautiful Disaster and he follows with a missile drop kick. Cody goes to the apron and turnbuckles in front of Axel but Goldust stops Axel. They hit the ring post and he falls into Ryback’s arms for a muscle buster and the three count.

Winner: Ryback

After the match, Ryback and Axel celebrate in the ring.

Brie and Bryan are in their locker room and Brie is a little anxious. Bryan tells Brie to stay close to him. The lights go out and the light on the table has a Kane mask on it.

Daniel and Brie are in the hallway and Stephanie wonders why they are not in the dressing room. She says that if they are scared about Kane, she can have their car brought up and inside the building. She tells Brie and Daniel to stay put.

We go to commercial.

We are back with the WWE Rewind: Photos of the weeLC match from Extreme Rules.

We are back with a Cinco de Mayo celebration with Los Matadores and El Torito. Fernando says to celebrate Torito’s victory last night, they will have a very special Cinco de Mayo celebration with the WWE Universe. Fernando and Diego discuss the way that Fernando pronounces Universe.

Torito throws some candy into the crowd.

3MB and Hornswoggle come out and Slater says that this party is not going to happen without Tres MB. Slater says the party is here.

Slater says that they came out here to call a truce. Jinder tells Diego to speak English.

Drew says this isn’t a request, this is a demand. If they don’t choose to accept their offer of peace, they will have to ruin their party.

Fernando, Diego, and Torito discuss what to do. Tortio gives some candy to Hornswoggle and Hornswoggle accepts.

Hornswoggle spits out the candy and hits Torito. Torito and Hornswoggle fight and then Fernando and Diego with drop kicks to Mahal and McIntyre. Heath doesn’t realize that Fernando and Diego are behind him. Slater with an Ole but Fernando and Diego throw Slater over the top rope. They corner Hornswoggle and then Torito puts a sombrero over Hornswoggle’s head and he gives him an airplane spin and Torito gores Hornswoggle in the rear end.

We go to commercial.

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