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This week, we are in Richmond, Virginia and your announcers are Josh ‘Merry New Year’ Mathews and John ‘Auld Lang Syne’ Layfield.
Randy Orton comes to the ring and he is very deliberate in his travails to the ring. Randy says that since tonight is the first Smackdown of 2013, and since it is the in thing to . . . declare your New Year’s Resolution, he will make this short and sweet. Randy says that he wants to be World Champion. Not too long ago, Smackdown was his show.
Lately that doesn’t really seem to be the case. There is a way to change that. Randy says that he is officially announcing his entry into the 2013 Royal Rumble.
Sheamus’ music plays and he makes his way to the ring . . . fella.
Sheamus apologizes for interrupting. He says that he is not going to steal Randy’s thunder, but he is going to do the same thing. He will be in the 2013 Royal Rumble match. Sheamus says that is not the only reason he is out here. He wants to thank Randy for his help with the Shield.
Randy says that he was not helping Sheamus. The Shield attacked him last month and he did it for himself.
At the Royal Rumble, it is every man for himself.
Sheamus reminds Orton that he won last year.
Orton says that it will mean more when he eliminates the former Royal Rumble winner.
Sheamus asks if he Brogue Kicks Orton’s head over the top rope but his body stays in the ring, does that count as an elimination?
Big Show’s music plays and he goes to the stage. Show says that he was listening to them yapping about being in the Royal Rumble and winning the World Championship. Show says that if one of them survives the Royal Rumble, all they will get a shot at is his fist. Show tells Sheamus that his 2013 will end like his 2012 with him knocking Sheamus out.
Show tells Orton that he will step on the snake with his size eighteen boots and grind him into the ground.
Show says that he is the most dominant champion.
Antonio Cesaro’s music plays and he says that this is typical American talking about who is going to beat up whom.
Sheamus reminds Heidi that he is from Ireland.
Cesaro says that is worse. He does not talk, he takes action. He has been talking about soft, lazy, grotesquely obese Americans. It is something you should realize by looking in the mirror.
Orton tells Cesaro that this soft, lazy, and fat American go up there and RKO both of them.
That threat gets Booker T on the stage and he is gonna stop this before it gets out of hand. Since these four men don’t like each other, Show and Cesaro are going to have to get along. They will face Randy Orton and Sheamus in a tag match tonight.
We go to commercial.
Match Number One: Miz versus Heath Slater (with Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal)
They lock up and Slater with a waist lock. Miz with a wrist lock and hammer lock. Slater with an elbow to the head but Miz with a drop kick. Miz with a side head lock take down. Slater with a rollup for a near fall. Miz with a shoulder tackle and side head lock take down.
Slater backs Miz into the corner and Slater punches Miz in the midsection. Slater with a punch but Miz with a kick and punches. Miz with a hip toss and side head lock take down. Slater with a reversal but Miz pulls Slater to the mat by the hair. Mahal gets on the apron and distracts the referee. Miz with a thumb to the eye and then he takes Slater to the mat with a side head lock take down.
Miz with a shoulder tackle but he blocks a hip toss and hits a hip toss. Miz with a running knee lift but Drew trips Miz. Miz with a drop kick to Drew while he celebrates what he does. Miz sends Mahal to the floor and then Slater hits Miz from behind.
The referee has sent Mahal and McIntyre to the back for their interference.
Drew warns Slater about Miz coming from behind and he gets a near fall with a rollup. Slater goes to the floor as we go to commercial.
We are back and Slater punches Miz and then he kicks Miz but the referee pulls Slater out of the corner. Miz with a double leg take down and he punches Slater. Miz with a clothesline and then Slater goes to the floor. Miz with a clothesline while Slater does not realize that Miz has gone to the floor.
Miz hot shots Slater on the ringside barrier and then he sends Slater back into the ring. Slater tries to escape but Miz keeps him back in the ring. Slater with a kick to the leg and then he sends Miz shoulder first into the ring post.
Slater with knees to the arm and shoulder. Miz punches Slater but Slater punches back. Slater puts Miz’ arm in the ropes and then connects with an elbow. Slater with a hammer lock. Miz with elbows and a kick. Slater wrings the injured arm and he gets a near fall.
Slater with a key lock. Miz punches Slater but Slater punches back. Miz with a sunset flip for a near fall. Slater with a leaping leg lariat for a near fall. Miz rolls to the apron and then he punches Miz. Slater hyperextends the arm and uses the ropes until the referee stop Slater.
Miz with a shoulder and he slides into the ring and gets a near fall with a rollup. Slater with a clothesline for a near fall. Slater dances and does some air guitar before returning to the injured arm. Miz with a knee to the midsection and then he hits a running boot to the head and gets a near fall.
Slater sends Miz shoulder first into the post again and then he chokes Miz with his boot. Slater wraps the injured arm around the ring post. Slater with a key lock to the injured arm. Miz with a punch and a belly-to-back suplex, but Miz holds his arm and he cannot capitalize.
Slater and Miz exchange punches. Miz with a kick and punches. Slater with a kick to the shoulder but Miz with a back elbow and clothesline. Miz with a back body drop and he tries for the Reality Check but he can only hit the first neck breaker. Slater sends Miz into the corner and hits a neck breaker for a near fall.
Slater misses a charge into the corner and Miz with the Awesome Clothesline and then Miz goes up top for the double sledge. Miz gets ready for the Skull Crushing Finale and he hits it and gets the three count.
Winner: Miz
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time to take a look back at Raw when Kofi Kingston lost the Intercontinental Title to Wade Barrett.
Matt Striker is with the leader of the Barrett Barrage and the Intercontinental Champion. Matt wants to talk about Main Event. Barrett says that he is the new Intercontinental Champion. That must not be good enough for the media types because they want scandal to try to tear him down. If Matt wants some scandal, look at the real Kofi Kingston. Kofi attacked him from behind after he beat three men. Wade vows to defeat Kofi and he will be out of options and chances. When he defeats Kofi tonight, he will walk away and remain the Intercontinental Champion.
Match Number Two: Hornswoggle, Great Khali, and Natalya versus Rosa Mendes, Epico, and Primo
The women start off and Rosa pie faces Natalya. Natalya with a kick and she sends Rosa to the mat and she slams Rosa’s head into the mat. Natalya with a snap mare and drop kick to the back of the head and Natalya gets a near fall. Rosa slaps Natalya to get out of an attempted Sharpshooter.
Epico tags in and Khali is tagged in as well. Epico tags Primo in before locking up and Khali hip tosses Primo back into the ring. Khali with a clothesline to the top of the head and sends Primo into the corner for a chop. Hornswoggle wants to tag in and Khali agrees.
Hornswoggle with a chop to Primo and then he kicks him in the leg and hits a Stunner. Horsnwoggle does the same to Epico. Primo with a back elbow and then he stomps on Hornswoggle. Primo rakes the eyes with his boot and Epico tags back in. Epico with a drop kick when Hornswoggle is Irish whipped at him.
Epico puts his hand on Hornswoggle’s head to keep him from hitting him. Hornswoggle with a head butt and punches. Khali tags in and he pushes Epico away. Khali with a punch to the head and then he chops Epico. Khali with another chop and then he connects with an elbow. Primo misses a splash and hits Epico. Khali sends Primo to the floor and then Epico misses a lungblower. Khali with a chop to the top of the head for the three count.
Winners: Great Khali, Hornswoggle, and Natalya
We go to Matt Striker in the back and he is with Kofi Kingston. Matt asks Kofi about losing the title on Monday but pinning Wade on Wednesday. Kofi says that this has nothing to do with momentum. It was the moment that he saw Wade holding his Intercontinental Title over his head.
Kofi says that this might be his last shot. This isn’t anything new because he has had his back against the wall his entire life. He will fight to get the Intercontinental Title. Wade will be running into Trouble in Paradise tonight.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Three: Kofi Kingston versus Wade Barrett for the Intercontinental Championship
They lock up and Barrett backs Kofi into the corner but Kofi switches positions and he gives Barrett a clean break. Kofi with a waist lock but Barrett with a hip lock take down. Kofi with a head scissors and Barrett escapes. Barrett with a kick to the midsection and he punches Kofi. Barrett with another punch but Kofi with a back heel kick and forearms. Kofi with a kick to the chest and back.
Kofi with an arm bar and he gets a near fall. Kofi returns to the arm bar. Barrett with a shoulder tackle and flying shoulder tackle and drop kick. Barrett goes to the floor to slow down the pace. Kofi goes to the floor and he hits Barrett from behind. Kofi sends Barrett’s head into the ring steps and then he sends Barrett back into the ring. Kofi with a springboard clothesline for a near fall.
Kofi with a chin lock on Barrett and turns it into an arm bar. Barrett with a punch to Kofi but Kofi with a kick and forearm. Barrett with a hard Irish whip and Kofi goes down. Barrett with knees to the midsection followed by punches to the ribs. Barrett with a short arm clothesline for a near fall.
Barrett with a chin lock but Kofi with elbows and a forearm. Kofi with a back slide for a near fall. Kofi with a kick and sunset flip for a near fall. Kofi with an inside cradle for a near fall. Barrett with a back heel kick but he charges at Kofi and Kofi drops down. Barrett goes over the top rope to the floor.
Kofi with a pescado onto Barrett but Barrett sends Kofi into the apron and they return to the ring. Barrett tells Kofi to count him out but Kofi goes to the floor and kicks Barrett. They return to the ring and Kofi gets a near fall with a rollup. Kofi tells Barrett that he came close to winning.
We are back and Barrett with a punch and reverse chin lock. Kofi with a kick and punches. Barrett returns to the midsection with a knee. Barrett with boots to Kofi’s ribs and abdomen. Barrett goes to the turnbuckles and hits an elbow drop and gets a near fall. Barrett with knees to Kofi while Kofi is in the ropes and Barrett with a boot to the head and Kofi goes to the floor.
Kofi struggles to get back into the ring and Barrett wants the referee to count faster but Kofi gets back in at nine. Barrett punches Kofi and sends him into the turnbuckles. Barrett puts Kofi on the turnbuckles and he punches Kofi and connects with an elbow. Barrett sets for a superplex but Kofi blocks it.
Kofi punches Barrett and knocks him to the mat with a head butt. Kofi with a cross body and he hits it but Barrett kicks out. Both men hold their ribs. Barrett punches Kofi but Kofi punches back. Barrett with a kick to gain control. Kofi with the pendulum kick and Kofi misses a springboard move. Kofi blocks a kick and then hits the SOS for a near fall. Kofi with a running kick to the head and then he hits the Boom drop.
Kofi says that it is over and he sets for Trouble in Paradise. Barrett ducks Trouble in Paradise. Kofi counters the Blackpool Slam with a sunset flip for a near fall. Barrett hits the Blackpool Slam and gets a near fall. Barrett misses a punch but Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise, but the force of the kick sends Barrett to the floor.
Kofi tries to get Barrett back into the ring since he cannot win the title by count out. Kofi with a cover but Barrett grabs the rope with his hand. Kofi runs into boots from Barrett. Barrett gets the arm ready for the Bull Hammer but Kofi avoids it. He goes to the turnbuckles for a springboard move but Barrett with the Bull Hammer and he gets the three count.
Winner: Wade Barrett
We go to commercial.
Match Number Four: Layla El versus Tamina Snuka
They lock up and Tamina with a clean break when they get into the ropes. Tamina stares at Layla. Tamina pushes Layla through the ropes and to the floor. Tamina sends Layla into the ringside barrier and then back into the ring. Layla with an inside cradle for a near fall.
Tamina with a clothesline and she gets a near fall. Tamina rubs Layla’s face into the mat. Tamina with a reverse chin lock and she puts Layla face first on the mat while Layla is doing a split. Layla with elbows but Tamina with forearms.
Tamina gets a near fall but Layla escapes. Layla with kicks and a drop kick to the head. Layla takes Tamina down by the hair and then she kicks Tamina and tries for the triple jump cross body but Tamina catches her and then gets Layla on her shoulders for a Samoan drop.
Tamina pulls Layla into position and hits the Superfly splash for the three count.
Winner: Tamina Snuka
We go to commercial.
We are back with the Raw Rebound. Dolph Ziggler and AJ Lee catch a lot of crap from John Cena.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Five: Big Show and Antonio Cesaro versus Randy Orton and Sheamus
Cesaro and Sheamus start things off and they lock up. Cesaro with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Sheamus backs into the corner to rethink his strategy. They lock up again and Sheamus with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Sheamus with another shoulder tackle and he tags in Orton.
Orton with a kick and European uppercut. Orton with a suplex and he gets a near fall. Orton with punches in the corner but Cesaro puts Orton in the corner and he punches and kicks Orton. Orton with a kick and Cesaro with an Irish whip into the corner and Orton with a clothesline. Sheamus tags back in and he kicks Cesaro and sends him into the turnbuckles.
Sheamus runs into an elbow and Cesaro with a clothesline. Cesaro with a punch but Sheamus with a punch. Cesaro with an Irish whip but Sheamus with a clothesline. Orton tags back in and he punches Cesaro. Orton punches Cesaro in the corner and then he connects with a European uppercut. Sheamus tags back in and he tries to suplex Cesaro but Cesaro with knees.
Show tags in and he punches Sheamus. Show with head butts to Sheamus. Show swings at Orton on the apron but Orton moves. Sheamus and Orton send Show over the top rope to the floor.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Cesaro with an Irish whip but Cesaro is sent to the apron. Sheamus with forearms across the chest and then he suplexes Cesaro back into the ring. Sheamus gets a near fall. Cesaro with a jaw breaker and Show makes the blind tag. Sheamus with a back elbow to Cesaro but he turns around into a spear from Show.
Show with a hard Irish whip. The referee sees Cesaro trying to sneak into the corner to attack Sheamus so Cesaro backs up. Show with a head butt and then he slams Sheamus. Show with an elbow drop to the chest and he gets a near fall. Show with a head butt to Sheamus and it sends Sheamus into the corner. Show with punches to the midsection. Show pulls Sheamus out of the corner but Sheamus with punches. Show sends Sheamus into the corner but he misses a running butt splash. Sheamus with a kick and Show grabs Sheamus and hits a choke slam but Sheamus kicks out at two.
Show signals for the punch but Sheamus avoids him. Sheamus with a Brogue Kick and both men are down. Cesaro tags in and Orton does too. Orton with two clotheslines and he avoids a clothesline from Cesaro and he hits a power slam. Orton sends Cesaro to the apron for the IEDDT but Cesaro escapes and sends Orton to the apron. Sheamus tags in and Sheamus with two running double sledges followed by a shoulder in the corner and a knee lift. Sheamus with White Noise.
Sheamus looks around and he gets in the zone for the Brogue Kick, but Orton is not a fan of the imitation of the set for the RKO so Orton comes in and hits an RKO on Cesaro while Sheamus pounds his chest.
Orton leaves the ring and tells Sheamus to finish off Cesaro. Sheamus gets the three count.
Winners: Sheamus and Randy Orton
After the match, Orton and Sheamus have some words as Orton walks up the ramp to the stage.
We go to credits.
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