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Jerry reminds us that John Laurinaitis was fired last night and we hear Vince’s proclamation.
We are reminded that Cyndi Lauper will be on the show this week, but we have another legend to come to the ring first.
Mick Foley makes his way to the ring. Mick says that he was on his way to the arena tonight to help promote the 1000th episode of Raw and show that he was a major part of Raw. Then he got a call from the Board of Directors that while they were thinking of the next permanent General Manager of Raw and Smackdown, they were going to reach out to former General Managers.
Foley reminds us that he was the Commissioner and from Long Island to save considerable transportation costs. This week, Raw and Smackdown will be hosted by Mrs. Foley’s Baby Boy. He has a huge tag match for tonight. Kane and Daniel Bryan will face CM Punk and Sheamus.
Mick reminds us that John Laurinaitis was fired last night, he will be given the opportunity to give a farewell address.
Mick wants everyone to give a warm welcome to the former Vice President of Talent Relations and former General Manager of Raw and Smackdown.
John Laurinaitis comes to the ring and he has a neck brace and sling to accompany his crutch for the walking wounded hat trick.
The fans remind Johnny of his employment status.
John reminds us who he is but the crowd does not appreciate him. He asks Mick to have the crowd show him some respect. Mick asks John if he wants to tell the crowd that he thinks Long Island sucks.
John says that the people of Long Island are extremely rude. He will wait until later to give his farewell address. John made the made event before he got fired. John Cena will face Big Show, David Otunga, and him. That is Johnny’s parting gift to the WWE Universe.
John tells Mick to have a nice day.
Sheamus’ music plays and will Johnny remember to move out of the way when Sheamus goes to the ring.
Sheamus walks past Johnny who is against the ringside barrier.
CM Punk makes his way to the ring and Johnny remembers to stay away from Punk. Punk kicks metaphorical dirt on Johnny and tells him to get out of here.
We go to commercial.
Match Number One: Sheamus and CM Punk versus Daniel Bryan and Kane
Bryan and Sheamus start things off and Sheamus with a side head lock take down. Sheamus with a shoulder tackle and then Sheamus catches Bryan and tries for the fireman’s carry slam but Bryan escapes and sends Sheamus to the floor. Sheamus with a slingshot shoulder tackle. Bryan with a boot but Sheamus with a back breaker for a near fall.
Punk tags in and hits a slingshot senton and gets a near fall. Punk with knees and a kick that is blocked by Bryan. Bryan with a kick to the leg and then he tags in Kane. Kane sends Punk into the turnbuckles and connects with a knee. Kane with an Irish whip and clothesline into the corner for a near fall. Kane with an arm bar. Punk with a forearm and back heel kick and a kick to the chest.
Kane with an uppercut for a near fall. Kane with an Irish whip but he runs into a boot from Punk. Punk fights his way out of the corner but Kane stops him. Punk with a suicide dive onto Bryan when he ducks under Kane’s clothesline. Punk drops Kane on the top rope and then he goes for a springboard clothesline but Kane with an uppercut and we go to commercial.
We are back and Punk tries to get Kane on his shoulders for the Go To Sleep but Kane is able to avoid it. Punk with a kick to the shoulder and both men are down. Sheamus tags in and he hits the flying shoulder off the turnbuckles and then he knocks Bryan off the apron. Sheamus with a running shoulder into the corner followed by a knee lift and power slam for a near fall.
Sheamus hits the uranage back breaker on Kane and then he stops Bryan from interfering and he connects with a series of forearms across the chest on Bryan before Kane knocks Bryan off the apron. Kane sends Sheamus over the top rope to the floor and then Bryan with a running drop kick to Sheamus on the floor.
The referee tells Punk to get in the corner. Kane rolls Sheamus back in and tags Bryan into the match. Bryan with another drop kick to the shoulder. Bryan with kicks to the chest while the referee warns Bryan. Bryan with the running drop kick into the corner and he hits it and gets a near fall.
Bryan with a rear chin lock but Sheamus with punches. Bryan with a knee to the midsection and a kick to the chest for a near fall. Kane tags himself back in. Kane kicks Sheamus but Sheamus punches Kane. Kane with an Irish whip and side slam as Sheamus comes out of the corner and Kane gets a near fall. Kane goes up top for the clothesline and he hits it but only gets a two count.
Bryan tags back in and he kicks Sheamus in the chest. Sheamus kicks Bryan away but Bryan keeps Sheamus from making the tag. Bryan kicks Sheamus in the chest and then he tries for the running drop kick into the corner again but he misses this time when Sheamus moves out of the way.
Sheamus crawls towards his corner and he makes the tag to Punk. Punk with a leg lariat and tries for the swinging neck breaker but Bryan escapes. Punk with a power slam for a near fall. Punk with a running knee into the corner followed by a bulldog. Punk goes up top for the elbow drop but Bryan stops Punk and Bryan hits a superplex and both men are down.
AJ’s music plays and she comes out dressed like Kane. Action stops as she goes around the ring and up the ramp. Kane is mesmerized that someone can look so good in that outfit and walks up the ramp.
Sheamus tags in and Punk hits the Go to Sleep and Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick for the three count.
Winners: CM Punk and Sheamus
We go to commercial.
We are back and Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler are arguing. Jack talks about how Ziggler was World Champion for only four minutes. Dolph says that Vickie knows who the real star of the team is. Vickie interrupts them and she tells Dolph and Jack that she is tired of their arguing and bickering. She is going to determine who deserves her admiration and affection. Vickie tells Jack and Dolph that they are going to settle this in the ring right now.
Johnny and David Otunga are laughing at what happened between Johnny and Foley. Big Show enters and he wants to know what is funny. Show wants to know what is so funny. Johnny says that Cena can’t beat the three of them. He says that Show is going to knock out Cena and Laurinaitis will cover him to get the three count. He says that is what is funny. John says that the people don’t deserve them after what he did for People Power. He will leave a lasting impression that everyone will remember.
Show says that he doesn’t find anything funny and leaves.
Otunga says that Show is in a bad mood. Johnny says that John Cena is going to get his tonight. David drinks some of his latte.
Match Number Two: Dolph Ziggler versus Jack Swagger in a Vickie Finally Chooses One or the Other Match
They lock up and Swagger with a waist lock take down and then Jack does some push ups. Ziggler goes for the leg and he takes Swagger to the mat. Swagger pushes Ziggler and Dolph pushes back.
Swagger pushes Ziggler but Ziggler with a side head lock. Ziggler lands on his feet but he appears to have reinjured his knee. Swagger goes for the injured knee and Swagger drives the knee into the mat. Swagger stands on the knee before sending Dolph into the corner and wrapping the knee in the ropes. Swagger with an elbow drop and a knee to the injured knee.
Swagger tells Ziggler that he is better than Dolph. Swagger pushes Ziggler but Ziggler with an inside cradle for a near fall. Ziggler tries for the Fameasser but his knee buckles again. Swagger applies the ankle lock and Ziggler tries to get to the ropes.
Swagger pulls Ziggler into the center of the ring and Ziggler kicks Swagger in the midsection but Swagger holds on to the ankle lock. Ziggler sends Swagger into the turnbuckles and then hits the Zig Zag for the three count.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
After the match, Vickie hugs Dolph and then she kisses him. Ziggler and Vickie leave the ring together.
We see some of Triple H’s comments from last night and his challenge to Brock for SummerSlam.
A limo pulls into the garage but who is in it?
We go to commercial.
We are back with a Raw 1000 Memorable Moment and this week it is Jerry Lawler’s favorite moment. Jerry takes us back to 1998 and Mr. Socko visiting Vince McMahon before Steve Austin hits Vince with a bedpan.
Brock Lesnar’s music plays and Paul Heyman makes his way to the ring.
Paul tells everyone who he is and he says that he is here as the advocate for Brock Lesnar. He says that everyone up in the tower caters to each of Triple H’s whims. Paul says that Brock is not one of them. He says that he has a word for Triple H that he might not be used to. He says no. Brock will not drop his lawsuit against WWE. Paul says that he will not drop his lawsuit against Triple H. Brock Lesnar will not fight Triple H at SummerSlam.
Paul thanks everyone for their attention and he thanks Triple H for his time.
Paul leaves the ring and Triple H’s music starts to play.
Hunter says that they aren’t in a bingo hall and he isn’t one of Paul cronies from the 90s drinking the Kool Aid. He says that Paul is a habitual liar. Hunter says that Brock is going to fight him at SummerSlam.
Hunter says that he only wants to hear from Brock Lesnar. He wants to hear Brock say that he will step up and be a man and fight Hunter at SummerSlam. Hunter says that he can give Brock what he wants. He can make Brock the star.
Hunter shows Paul a tentative poster for SummerSlam with Brock’s face on it. All Brock has to do is step up and agree to fight him.
Paul says that Brock Lesnar has no ego.
Hunter laughs at that and says that Paul lies better than that. Hunter reminds Paul of Brock’s demand to have his name on Raw. It is all about ego for Brock. Hunter says that he has a building of lawyers salivating about getting Paul into the courtroom. Brock is all about ego. If Brock doesn’t do it, he will go down as the man who is afraid of Triple H.
Paul says that Hunter is that damn good. Hunter almost had Paul going. Paul tells Hunter to stop. He adds a pretty please and tells Hunter to stop pretending to be a wrestler and the ass kicker that he used to be. He tells Hunter to go to the tower where everyone does what he wants.
In Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar’s world, Hunter is the king of nothing. He wants to know if Hunter is getting angry or mad and if Hunter is going to hit Paul. He says that Hunter is getting more like Vince every day. He says that he knows how to push Hunter’s buttons. Brock will not fight Hunter at SummerSlam and Paul tells Hunter to hit him. Paul says that he is willing to take one for Team Lesnar because they will own the joint. In Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar’s WWE, they have nothing for Hunter.
Paul says that he has something for Stephanie and Hunter grabs Paul by the collar. Paul says that he can’t breathe. Paul tells Hunter to do it but Hunter thinks about it. Hunter lets go of Paul and Paul says that he knew that Hunter wouldn’t hit him. Paul says that he can outthink Hunter every time and he knows what Hunter is going to do. Paul says that he can see everything from a mile away.
Paul must not have super vision because Hunter punches Paul.
Hunter stands over Paul and he asks him if he saw that coming. Hunter tells Paul to tell Brock that he will see him at SummerSlam . . . unless Brock is afraid of the same thing happening to him.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Three: Alberto Del Rio with Ricardo Rodriguez versus Santino Marella
Del Rio kicks Santino in the corner followed by a snap mare and drop kick to the head for a near fall. Del Rio with an arm bar. Santino with a split and hip toss but Santino misses the diving head butt. Santino kicks Alberto and he reaches in for the cobra but Del Rio with a drop kick and Santino goes down and Del Rio applies the cross arm breaker and Santino taps out.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
After the match, Ricardo holds the ropes open for Del Rio but Ricardo with a divorce court to Santino.
We see footage of some of Cyndi Lauper’s previous wrestling related appearances.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Layla is in the ring. She says that in honor of the 1000th Episode of Raw celebration, she wants to bring out two women who are the reason for the Divas of today. WWE Hall of Famer Wendi Richter and Cyndi Lauper, who is making her first appearance in a WWE ring in 27 years.
Cyndi says that it has been a long time and it is great to see Wendi again.
Wendi says that it feels like yesterday when she was her manager at the first Wrestlemania.
Heath Slater interrupts and he makes his way to the ring. He says that we are nowhere near the Long Island Railroad but this is nothing but a train wreck.
Cyndi wants to know who Heath is.
Heath wants to know if that is a joke because he is the one man band. Heath says that he is not going to let Cyndi ruin his moment. He tells the girls to bop out of the ring so they can witness his first single.
Heath starts to sing his entrance music.
Roddy Piper’s music plays and he makes his way to the ring. Roddy says hello to the ladies and then tells Ms. Slater to take a hike.
Heath wants to know why he cares about Cyndi.
Roddy says that he doesn’t care what anyone says because it was the Rock and Wrestling Connection that launched WWE to where it is today. Roddy says that he has been waiting a long time to do this. Roddy says that he loves Cyndi and her singing. He has something special for Cyndi.
Roddy says that a long time ago there was a great manager named Captain Lou Albano and Roddy was having a bad day and he hit Lou over the head with a gold record. Roddy says that he was sorry for that. Roddy tells Cyndi that he wants to give this gold record on behalf of himself, on behalf of Captain Lou, and behalf of the entire WWE Universe. He says that Cyndi is the best lady who has ever been paired with this company.
Roddy and Cyndi hug.
Heath returns to the ring and he says that it was 20 years ago and no one cares or remembers it. Heath tells everyone to get out of the ring so everyone can hear his single because he will be getting his own gold record.
Roddy takes Heath he sings like a vulture. Piper with a thumb to the eye and then Cyndi hits Slater with the gold record.
We go to commercial.
We are back with the Slam of the Week. The Number One Contender Tag Match from No Way Out.
Match Number Four: Epico and Primo with Rosa Mendes versus Darren Young and Titus O’Neil with Abraham Washington
Epico and Titus start things off and Titus with a knee and forearm. Epico with punches but Titus with a boot to the midsection. Darren tags in and Titus with a slam and then he drops Darren on Epico with a gourdbuster for a near fall. Darren gets another near fall. Darren with a rear chin lock.
Primo tags in and he chops Darren. Primo with a back elbow and clothesline followed by a drop kick. Primo with a chop and then he hits a splash off the turnbuckles but Titus breaks up the cover. Titus sends Epico to the floor but Primo sends Titus to the floor. Primo with a lungblower but Titus pulls Darren to the floor. Epico and Primo with baseball slides to Darren and Titus.
Abe pulls Darren and Titus out of the way when Epico and Primo set up for dives to the floor.
The referee counts Darren and Titus out.
Winners: Epico and Primo
The men who will be facing John Cena tonight talk strategy in the back.
Chris Jericho will be on Raw next week.
We are back and John Laurinaitis is in the ring and he tells us who he is and what he did. John says that John Cena cheated last night because Cena and five other men beat up Show to allow Cena to win. Then Cena got him on his shoulders before Vince could utter those two words. Then he was sent through an announce table.
Laurinaitis says that he is not the loser here. Show is not the loser here. Laurinaitis says that the people are the losers because they no longer have People Power. Johnny says that we will see him next when he is inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. This is one of the darkest days in WWE history. What we are going to see is the biggest beat down of John Cena.
Teddy Long comes to ringside and he rips off his name tag.
Big Show says that it took six men to beat him last night and one of them was John Cena. Because of that loss, John Laurinaitis was fired. Show says that he wants to thank John for the iron clad contract and his big fat bonus. He thanks Johnny for finally letting him be him. He is not beholden to anyone. Not even Johnny. Show has proven that he can beat John Cena on his own so he is off to bigger and better things. Show says that he sees no reason why he should compete in this ring tonight. Show tells them that they are on their own.
Match Number Five: John Cena versus David Otunga and John Laurinaitis
Otunga starts things off for his team and then Otunga poses as he shows off his most impressive wrestling move. They lock up and Cena with a slam and elbow drop. Cena sends Otunga into the turnbuckles followed by an Irish whip and bulldog. Laurinaitis goes to the floor so he does not get tagged in.
Cena hits Otunga in the back and then he suplexes Otunga. Cena slaps Otunga in the back again and then he hits a side slam. Cena sends Otunga into the turnbuckles but he misses a charge when Otunga moves out of the way. Otunga sends Cena into the ring steps. Otunga brings Cena back into the ring and he kicks Cena.
Otunga with an Irish whip and shoulder tackle for a near fall. Otunga poses and then he hits another shoulder tackle for a near fall. Otunga with an elbow drop using the ropes for extra leverage.
Otunga with another elbow drop and Otunga poses. Laurinaitis wants to get into the match and Otunga tags him in. Laurainitis is okay and he kicks Cena. Cena kicks out. Otunga refuses to tag back in and he walks away.
Laurinaitis doesn’t want to turn around and Cena with punches and then he slaps Laurinaitis in the back. Cena with the Blue Thunder Bomb and then it is time for the Five Knuckle Shuffle and the Attitude Adjustment. Cena thinks about what to do next and Teddy tells Cena to give him another. Cena with another Attitude Adjustment. Cena picks up Laurinaitis and gives him a third before applying the STF and Johnny taps out.
Winner: John Cena
We go to credits.
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