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John Laurinaitis makes his way to the ring and he scoots his way to the ring.
John introduces himself, but he is interrupted by Vince McMahon’s music and there is NO CHANCE that Vince would not milk the opportunity.
Vince says that he is not going to shake John’s hand because he doesn’t know where it has been. Vince says that this is all business. He is going to give John a job performance evaluation.
Vince wants one reason why he should not fire John’s pencil neck butt right now.
John responds with People Power. As they approach the 100th or 1000th Raw, they approach a great milestone. He listens to the people and he empowers them.
Vince wants to know if the people love John. Vince says that they don’t love him.
John says that these are the same people who used to boo Vince in the past. Now they show him the respect that he deserves as a legend. He says that they are both visionaries and innovators. They are astute businessmen.
Vince says that John is the one who signed Brock Lesnar and cost them two lawsuits. He is the businessman who hired the wrong one legged wrestler.
John says that the Brock Lesnar thing was Triple H’s fault, not him.
John asks about resigning the Big Show to a no cut contract and a huge bonus. Vince says that Show has not performed effectively since 1999.
John says that Vince is a little biased when it comes to the Big Show. John reminds Vince about the time that his head was shoved up Big Show’s buttocks. When Vince sees what Show does to John Cena inside the steel cage on Sunday, Vince will know that he made the right decision.
John says that he is also the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. Both locker rooms look to him as a leader, mentor, and friend.
Vince wants to know how anyone can be his friend.
Sheamus interrupts and makes his way to the ring and he is smiling like he doesn’t have an opponent for No Way Out.
Sheamus is introduced to John by Vince. Sheamus says that it is great to see Vince back on television and says that he looks great. As the World Champion, he heard the bantering back and forth. He felt that it was his duty to tell Vince that John is right. Johnny is a friend. Johnny is such a good friend that he will find half a million dollars because he can. He is the type of friend who will hold a personal vendetta for being bumped on the way to the ring.
Vince mentions that ‘Fire Johnny’ is trending worldwide.
Sheamus says that Johnny is a friend who just so happens to be the worst General Manager in WWE history. He tells Vince, on behalf of the WWE Superstars, the people in the arena, and everyone at home to kick Johnny out on his arse.
Johnny says that Sheamus does not represent the locker room. John says that he is going to find an opponent to make Sheamus regret what he said.
Vince says that it better be an impressive opponent and an impressive match. If Johnny doesn’t impress him tonight, Johnny will hear those two little words . . . ‘You’re FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!’
We go to commercial.
We have a Moments Ago Moment of the first thing to drop for Johnny, his People Power Mover.
Michael Cole mentions that Sheamus will not face Alberto Del Rio on Sunday due to a concussion that Del Rio suffered at the hands of Great Khali.
Match Number One: Sheamus versus Tensai with Sakamoto
Tensai is all business because he pushes his salt wrangler to the side and he walks emphatically to the ring.
They lock up and go around the ring and Sheamus with a clean break. Tensai with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. They lock up again and Sheamus with a side head lock. Tensai with a slap but Sheamus with forearms. Tensai with an Irish whip but Sheamus with a boot and then he clips Tensai and connects with forearms. Tensai with punches in the corner but Sheamus with kicks and a forearm.
Tensai with a back elbow and head butts to Sheamus. Tensai misses a short arm clothesline and Sheamus with forearms and a clothesline that forces both men over the top rope to the floor and we go to commercial.
We are back and Tensai backs Sheamus into the corner as we look at Tensai’s chest that is red. Tensai with a knee to the head. Tensai with an Irish whip into the turnbuckles followed by a splash to the back and Sheamus goes down. Tensai with a Vader Bomb for a near fall. Tensai works on the shoulder.
Sheamus with head butts and forearms to Tensai followed by a running shoulder into the corner and a running knee lift and double sledge to the head.
Sheamus gets set for the uranage back breaker but Tensai blocks it with elbows. Sheamus is sent to the apron and Sheamus with the forearms across the chest from the apron this time. Sheamus goes up top and tries for the shoulder tackle but Tensai with a choke slam for a near fall.
Tensai head butts Sheamus but Sheamus with a boot. Tensai with a kick but he turns into a Brogue Kick and Sheamus gets the three count.
Winner: Sheamus
We go to Johnny, Vince, and Teddy in the office and Vince says that is strike one. Vince wants to know who will face Sheamus on Sunday.
Vickie Guerrrero enters and she mentions that there are two former World Champions on the roster and Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler can face Sheamus in a Triple Threat match. Vince wants to know if John has a better idea. John says that he has a great idea, but he wants to hear from Teddy first.
Teddy says that there are four former champions. Teddy says that you could put Ziggler, Swagger, Great Khali, and Christian in an elimination match to see who faces Sheamus. Vince likes the idea and Johnny says that he was thinking the same thing. John wants a fist bump and Vince tells Johnny that he has small hands.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Tensai is in the ring with Sakamoto and Tensai is blaming Sakamoto for the loss, or the quality of the salt in the salt ceremony. Tensai applies the claw and punches him in the head. Who will save Sakamoto as Tensai sends him over the top rope to the floor.
Tensai sends Sakamoto’s head into the announce table and then the ring post. Now he tosses Sakamoto into the ringside barrier and then he connects with knees to the head.
Cole mentions that this is episode 994 and Lawler talks about how impressive it is that Raw is going to hit 1000 episodes.
It is time for our next Raw 1000 Memorable Moment. Seth Green talks about the episode that he was the guest host.
R Truth is talking to himself with Matt Striker. Matt mentions the attack a few weeks ago by Big Show. Matt asks Truth how he is doing. He says that he is fine but Little Jimmy was traumatized. Truth tells Jimmy not to be a sissy and he tells him to straighten up. Truth says that on Sunday, Big Show is going to lose to John Cena. When John Cena steps inside that steel cage, he is going to find out . . .
Not much because Show just knocked Truth out.
We go to commercial.
We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of Big Show showing R Truth what his fist looks like.
Match Number Two: Santino Marella and Layla versus Ricardo Rodriguez and Beth Phoenix
Santino wants to start while Ricardo is on the apron. Beth wants Santino in the ring and she doesn’t care who she faces. The women start and Layla with a waist lock and side head lock. Layla kicks Ricardo’s hand away and Ricardo comes in but Layla kicks Ricardo down. Beth with a chop and kick to the back.
Ricardo tags in while Beth hits a slingshot suplex. Ricardo takes off his jacket and he turns around to see Santino and he tags Beth back into the match. Beth tells Ricardo to stay out of the ring. Layla with a kick and forearms. Beth with an Irish whip but Layla with a cross body for a near fall.
Layla with a flying clothesline and then she sends Beth to the mat by her hair. Beth with a kick and then Layla sends Ricardo to the floor with a head scissors. Santino gets the cobra ready but Ricardo runs into the ring post.
Back in the ring Beth sends Layla’s leg into the ropes and kicks it followed by the Glam Slam for the three count.
Winners: Beth Phoenix and Ricardo Rodriguez
Ricardo realizes that he won and he celebrates like he won it. He taunts Santino and Santino pulls off Ricardo’s shirt to reveal a Justin Bieber t-shirt. Ricardo runs out of the ring in shame.
David Otunga is in Vince’s office and he sucks up to Vince. David says that Johnny is doing a wonderful job and he says that a Harvard educated lawyer would be a perfect replacement. Vince says that he doesn’t like the way that David puckers up or the fact that he is a lawyer.
Kofi says that he wants Big Show tonight. Johnny says that Truth isn’t doing well. Kofi demands the match and Johnny gives it to him . . . inside a steel cage.
Daniel Bryan is walking in the back as we go to commercial.
We are back with a look at last week’s match between Kane and CM Punk when AJ tried to provide support for someone, just not sure who.
Daniel Bryan comes to the ring amid a sea of ‘Yeses’. Daniel Bryan . . . CM Punk . . . Kane. One of these superstars is not like the others. He says that he is nothing like CM Punk and Kane. CM Punk and Kane both have a weakness. They have a weakness in the form of a 95 pound distraction named AJ. For Punk it is jealousy because Bryan proved that he is a superior wrestler when he made Punk tap out. Punk is trying to get with his ex-girlfriend to make him jealous.
Kane thinks that it is getting to second base when a woman looks in his eyes and does not vomit. Both CM Punk and Kane are obsessed with the woman who is still in love with Daniel Bryan. How can you blame her. She had the opportunity for a split second of her life to be with something as great as all of this. Once you go Bryan, there is no point tryin’.
He says that he is not interested in AJ. What he is interested in is the WWE Title. This week’s question and answer time is very short. At No Way Out, will he emerge as the new WWE Champion: YES.
CM Punk’s music plays and he comes out and says that for somebody who claims not to be interested in AJ, he talks a lot about her. He says that AJ is cool and they do have something in common. It is Daniel Bryan. He says that AJ is way out of Daniel’s league outside the ring. Inside the ring, Bryan is nowhere near his league. AJ is a little crazy and Punk says that he digs crazy chicks.
Punk says that there is one thing he digs more and it is his WWE Title. Over the last few months, they have beaten each other and Kane has beaten both of them. It comes down to one match on Sunday with everything on the line. Either he beats the deranged, out of his mind freak . . . or he beats Kane. Either way, he is walking out of the ring as the WWE Champion.
Bryan tells Punk no, no, no.
Bryan says that Punk has changed. He calls himself the voice of the voiceless but he panders to them. The fans are the voiceless because they have nothing intelligent to say. These people love to yell at Big Show about how he sold out. The biggest sell out in this company is CM Punk.
Punk says that is coming from the Superstar in the ‘Yes Yes Yes’ t-shirt. Punk says that he sat down on that stage a year ago to air his grievances. People have come up to him and said that it was one of the best moments on Raw. Punk says that most people who say ridiculous things like that didn’t like him when he started here. Nothing has changed about him since that moment. He is the same guy. Punk says that he achieved his goals on his own terms. He has not compromised himself and he cannot say the same thing about Bryan.
Since breaking the glass ceiling, he has become a conceited goat faced moron. Punk says that the WWE is in need of self absorbed goat faced morons.
Whether Bryan likes it or not, Mr. Goat Face will get a wake up call on Sunday, ironically when he puts him to sleep.
Kane’s pyro hits and through Hellfire and Brimstone, he makes his way to the ring.
Kane reminds Punk and Bryan who or what he is. Over the years, he has set fire to Good Ole JR. he electrocuted Shane McMahon’s testicles, and he tombstoned a priest. His pipe bombs are actual pipe bombs. That is why he will leave No Way Out with the WWE Championship.
AJ comes out and she tells everyone to stop as she goes to the ring. She tells Kane regardless of what he says, she looked into his eyes last week and she saw that deep down, in that tortured soul that he has a heart.
Punk says that you gotta love crazy chicks.
She tells Daniel that you never truly get over your first love and she knows that she hasn’t.
AJ smiles at Punk and Punk waves back. She tells Punk that he is pretty much the coolest guy she has known in her life.
Daniel wants to know what the point is.
AJ says that she knows that the best man will win.
John Laurinaitis appears on the PeopleTron. We will have a tag match tonight. Daniel Bryan and Kane will face CM Punk and AJ.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Three: Christian versus Great Khali versus Jack Swagger versus Dolph Ziggler in a Fatal Four Way Elimination Match to Determine the Number One Contender for the World Title
Swagger goes after Khali and he punches him. Ziggler suffers the same fate and then Khali chops Christian and elbows Swagger. Khali punches Ziggler and then he chops Swagger and his JBL hair does not move. Khali with a head butt to Ziggler and then he chops Ziggler in the throat. Khali sends Ziggler into the turnbuckles but Swagger tries to stop him. Khali sends Swagger into Ziggler in the corner and he chops Swagger again. Swagger clips Khali and Ziggler with a drop kick. Christian with a frog splash and everyone covers Khali.
Great Khali eliminated
We go to commercial.
We are back and we still have three men in the match. Christian punches Swagger and Ziggler but Ziggler with a drop kick to Christian. Ziggler tells Swagger to pick him up and they hit a wheelbarrow face plant but Christian kicks out. Vickie slaps Christian while Dolph and Swagger argue with the referee. Ziggler punches Christian while Swagger holds him. Christian and Swagger back body drop Ziggler over the top rope to the floor.
Christian with a running forearm but Christian tries for a sunset flip but Swagger does not go down. Christian with a back elbow off the turnbuckles and it is time for Christian to clap but Ziggler with a rollup for a near fall.
Christian punches Ziggler and then he sends Swagger into the corner. Christian tires for the Killswitch but Swagger escapes. Swagger pulls Christian off the turnbuckles and Swagger misses Swagger Bomb. Christian with a sunset flip but Swagger kicks out and applies the ankle lock.
Christian rolls through and Swagger goes into the ring post. Christian with the Killswitch and he hits it and Ziggler pins Swagger.
Jack Swagger eliminated
Christian with a rollup when Ziggler was distracted for a near fall. Ziggler goes for the leg but Christian moves out of the way. Christian with a punch and flapjack but he can only get a two count.
Ziggler with a drop kick for a near fall. Ziggler with kicks to the leg and applies a knee bar that looks like a version of a Liontamer. Christian kicks Ziggler away and then hits a back elbow and punch. Christian with an Irish whip but Ziggler applies a sleeper. Christian with a snap mare and punch to Ziggler. Christian tries for a spear but he cannot run across the ring. Ziggler gets catapulted into the turnbuckles and Christian fights through the pain for a spear but Ziggler kicks out.
Ziggler with the Fameasser but Christian kicks out at two. Ziggler tries for the Zig Zag and Christian hits an inverted DDT but can only get a near fall. Christian goes up top for the frog splash. Christian punches Ziggler when he tries to stop him. Christian comes off the turnbuckles but Ziggler moves. Christian jams his knee and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the three count.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
After the match, Ziggler backs up the ramp and Sheamus emerges from the back and we have a stare down.
Natalya is in the back with Vince McMahon and she asks if the entire Hart family can get back together. Vince tells Natalya they can talk about this later.
Vince walks in the back and The Funkettes block his path. Naomi wants Vince to override Johnny’s ruling about banning the Funkasaurus from Raw. Vince wants somebody to call his mama and it is time for the Vincesaurus to dance.
Zack Ryder stops by and he is in shock. Vince throws out a woo woo woo.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Four: Ryback versus Willard Fillmore and Rutherford Hayes
Ryback with a spinebuster and then he power bombs one of his victims twice. The other guy got a little paler and leaves the ring. Ryback with a clothesline on the floor. Ryback presses him over his head and tosses him back into the ring over the top rope.
Ryback with a double muscle buster for the three count.
Winner: Ryback
It is time for some cage lowering music as we get ready for Kofi Kingston versus Big Show.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Hornswoggle is watching what he did last week on Smackdown with Vince. Vince has a few tips for Hornswoggle. Vince makes fun of Jim Ross and gives Hornswoggle his hat back. He tells Hornswoggle to leave.
John Cena enters and he says that Laurinaitis is awful and the sooner he is out of a job the better. Vince says that he appreciates John’s management advice, but he reminds John that he lost at Wrestlemania.
John mentions all of Vince’s losses at Wrestlemania if that is going to be an issue. Vince changes the subject and he asks John if he can beat the Big Show. He tells John he better not run to the ring to help Kofi.
Cena says that Kofi will handle his business. Cena reminds Vince that ‘you’re fired’ belongs to Vince, not Trump.
David Otunga comes back and he tries to explain his law practice. Vince does not appreciate sycophants and people who would kiss other people’s behinds. Vince turns and says ‘no offense’ and we see William Regal.
We go to commercial.
We are back and this month’s YouTube Match is Brodus Clay versus David Otunga.
Match Number Five: Kofi Kingston versus Big Show in a Steel Cage Match
Kofi attacks Show as he enters the cage but Show is able to recover and he sends Kofi into the cage. Show slams Kofi and then presses Kofi’s face against the cage. Show stands on Kofi’s chest. Show picks up Kofi and runs his back into the cage. Show picks up Kofi again and runs him into the cage another time.
Kofi with a punch and it has no effect. Show with kicks to the ribs. Show with boots to the chest. Show with an Irish whip and he wants the fans to smile for him. Show takes too much time and Kofi gets his feet up. Kofi comes off the turnbuckles and Show grabs him by the throat. He throws Kofi around and he climbs the cage and leaps over Show and hits Trouble in Paradise but Show with an emphatic kick out.
Kofi goes to the door but Show pulls him back into the cage. Kofi with a drop kick and he gets out of the cage but Show grabs him by the feet. Show with a punch and Kofi is out. The referee checks on Kofi while Show yells at the fans. Show leaves the cage to win the match.
Winner: Big Show
We go to commercial.
Match Number Six: Sin Cara versus Curt Hawkins
They lock up and Hawkins with a wrist lock but Cara with a reversal. Hawkins with a hammer lock but Cara with elbows. Cara with a springboard arm drag and head scissors that sends Hawkins to the floor. Cara with a corkscrew pescado to Hawkins.
Hawkins pulls Cara to the floor and then he kicks Cara in the head and gets a near fall. Hawkins with an abdominal stretch attempt but Cara blocks it. Cara with a sunset flip and then he runs into a super kick.
Cara with a handspring back elbow followed by drop kicks. Cara with a slingshot arm drag as he bounces off the ropes. Cara with a double jump arm drag. Cara hits La Mistica for the three count.
Winner: Sin Cara
We see the Countdown to Decision 2012 as we go to commercial.
We are back and it is time to run through the card for No Way Out.
Daniel Bryan is stretching in the back and Vince McMahon stops by. He wishes Daniel luck in his match. Daniel says that he didn’t think that Vince would like someone like him. Vince says that Bryan is the personification of not telling a book by its cover. No one would think of Bryan as a World Champion. Bryan tells Vince that he was fired once and he proved Vince wrong. They are both self made success stories who defy expectations.
Vince says that he has ever finished anything in eighteen seconds, unlike Bryan’s loss at Wrestlemania.
The 1000th Episode of Raw has its own dressing room as we go to commercial.
We are back with a Raw 1000 Memorable Moment and Dolph Ziggler says that his is the first episode of Raw.
Heath Slater wants to know why we are celebrating past Raw superstars when we have a current one in front of their face. He says that it is his time.
I think it is someone else’s time.
Match Number Seven: Heath Slater versus Vader in a We are going to have our 1000th episode of Raw in a Few Weeks Match
They lock up and Vader pushes him away. They lock up again and he backs Slater into the corner. Vader with punches and forearms but Slater with a kick and punches. Vader with a body block to Slater and then he hits another one. Vader with forearms to the back followed by a short arm clothesline. Vader with an elbow drop for a near fall.
Vader with a suplex and he gets a near fall. Vader with punches to the head but he misses and Slater with knees to the midsection and a clothesline that barely budges Vader. Slater tries for a slam but he collapses under Vader’s weight and Vader gets a near fall.
Vader with a belly-to-belly suplex and it is time for the Vader Bomb and he hits it for the three count.
Winner: Vader
We have a Be A Star video package.
AJ is in the back and she tells Punk that she is freaking out. Punk says that he has everything under control. He says that they can trust each other. AJ says that they also really like each other. Punk tells AJ not to do anything crazy. AJ kisses Punk and walks away.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Eight: Kane and Daniel Bryan versus AJ Lee and CM Punk
Kane and Punk start things off and lock up. Kane with a knee and punch followed by an Irish whip but Punk with kicks to Kane. Kane with an Irish whip but he misses a charge into the corner and hits the knee into the corner. Kane with a boot to Punk and Bryan tags in. Bryan with kicks of Yes to Punk and he gets a near fall. Bryan with a side head lock and Punk with a leg lariat. Punk with a clothesline and a swinging neck breaker. Punk with a running knee into the corner but Bryan escapes the bulldog.
Punk goes up top for the elbow drop but Bryan rolls out of the way. Kane tags in and Punk thinks about the tag but he stops short. Kane grabs Punk by the throat and Punk escapes. Kane with an uppercut and Punk bumps into AJ and AJ is the legal person in the match.
AJ enters the ring and she tells the referee that everything is okay. She turns on the charm and smiles at Kane. AJ skips around Kane and stands behind Kane. AJ climbs Kane and hugs him and then she kisses Kane.
Kane looks unaffected by the kiss as AJ returns to the mat. Kane tags in Bryan now that she has been infected with a case of the AJ’s. Punk tags in and he connects with a forearm and kick from the apron. Punk with the elbow drop from the top for the three count.
Winners: CM Punk and AJ Lee
After the match, AJ sits in the center of the ring and smiles while staring lovingly at CM Punk.
We have only a few minutes to go before the decision that we have been waiting for.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for Johnny to find out his fate.
Vince is accompanied by members of security as he comes to the ring.
Vince says that he always had a warm spot in his heart for the state of Connecticut. He mentions that he lives here and that his daughter Stephanie was born in Hartford. It is poetic justice that since one life started in Hartford, one ends professionally.
John makes his way to the ring.
John says that he doesn’t appreciate what Vince did to his scooter. He tells Vince that he doesn’t need the security because regardless of the decision, he will not lay his hands on Vince.
Vince says the security is for John. They are going to walk a certain someone out of this ring, out of this arena, and out of this business.
John tells Vince not to make a decision that he will regret. John wants to mention what he has done for the WWE brand. He says that Raw and Smackdown are destination TV. They need him for when Raw goes to three hours. He tells Vince to do the right thing for everyone in the WWE Universe, Vince McMahon, and the WWE to let him continue to run these shows in the era of People Power.
Vince has two words that are synonymous with him. Vince tells John Laurinaitis . . .
Big Show comes out to the ring and he tells Vince that he is giving John a job review. He says that John has made a few mistakes but the one thing that he has done right is that John gave him an iron clad contract so he can say or do whatever he wants to. Vince could fire him, then he would have to pay Show millions of dollars for years to do absolutely nothing. He says that you don’t pay anything unless you get something in return.
Show says that we know whose fault this is. Every stupid costume for the last fourteen years. Every commercial, movie, or appearance has involved one thing. That was Vince McMahon. He did everything that Vince wanted him to do. He couldn’t be a giant because people are afraid of giants.
With his new iron clad contract, he doesn’t have to be part of Vince’s dog and pony show. He gets to be what he really is and that is a giant. He tells Vince not to worry about firing Mr. Laurinaitis. He should be more worried about the other John. Vince should be worried about Vince’s golden goose and cash cow. At No Way Out, the golden goose is going to get his feathers plucked.
Show tells Vince at No Way Out, he is going to prove . . .
That John Cena will interrupt any promo at the time the villain is about to reveal his evil plan.
Cena says that this is an exciting bunch. He is here to get to the bottom of all of this. Cena says that Show blamed him first, then the fans, and then Vince McMahon. He asks Show who he will blame next. The only person Show hasn’t blamed is John Laurinaitis, the man who backed a dump truck of money to Show’s house. All we have heard since then is Big Show complaining.
Cena mentions Show’s comment that he can finally be a giant, but he looks at Show and he says that he has always been a giant. He has been the World’s Largest Athlete for fourteen years. For once, everything revolves around Show. The stars have aligned and Show has stacked the deck. He has management behind him. He got the match and opponent he wanted.
The deck has been stacked so high in his favor that Show should win. What if Show doesn’t win? He asks Show if he knows what he has set up for himself. If Show doesn’t destroy him at No Way Out, there is no one else to blame. No one will look at Show as the World’s Largest Athlete if he loses. They will call him the World’s Largest Disappointment. Show will have to look at and listen to the people for what he is . . . a sell out.
Vince says that he will be at ringside on Sunday and he will be sitting next to Big Johnny. If Show loses the match, he will fire Johnny.
Show grabs Cena and security gets into the way and Show takes care of them. Cena punches Show and Laurinaitis tries to break things up. Laurinaitis is knocked down and Show accidentally punches Vince McMahon.
The medical staff checks on Vince as we go to credits.
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