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We are live from Richmond, Virginia and your announcers are Jerry ‘Jefferson’ Lawler and Michael ‘Madison’ Cole.
John Cena’s music plays and he makes his way to the ring with a purpose. Cena stews in the ring before starting to talk. He says that he has had a lot of these matches. He has won some and lost some, but he usually comes out and talks about his opponent and he moves on.
Cena wants to know what the hell happened last night. John Laurinaitis beat him.
John Laurinaitis beat him and it is not how it happens, but why the hell would that happen in the first place. Since Laurinaitis has been here, he has been a selfish, power hungry bully. Last night, Laurinaitis got a taste of his own medicine.
Last night was a blast. It was everything that it was supposed to be. People Power was about Laurinaitis getting his tail whipped and the people having fun. Then Laurinaitis ran away, only to have Big Show bring him back.
Cena points out that the man who Laurinaitis humiliated and fired in this ring, he brought Laurinaitis back and grabbed Laurinaitis by his scrawny neck. Cena says that he told Show he had this one. Show gave Laurinaitis to Cena, but then Big Show knocked him out cold.
Your winner was John Laurinaitis. Hindsight being 20/20, there were some experts who wondered why he toyed with Laurinaitis. Cena says that if Big Show was already paid off, Laurinaitis was going to beat him. He says that Laurinaitis deserved everything he got and ten times more.
Cena says that he has issues with Big Show. Show decided to sell out. Show says that there is no explanation for what Show did. Laurinaitis was going to be gone and whatever person or thing was going to be in charge of Raw was going to bring Show back.
We are now stuck with Laurinaitis. This match was about Laurinaitis winning and we are stuck with this People Power garbage.
This means that we are going to see some graphic where Laurinaitis is going to talk about how brave and hurt he is before he talks about the next pay per view.
Like clockwork, John Laurinaitis’ music plays and he was beaten so bad that he now looks like Eve Torres.
Eve introduces John Laurinaitis and he comes out in his motorized wheelchair. Eve helps John out of his Rascal.
Laurinaitis says that he was rushed to the emergency room and he had possible damage to his clavicle, his knee, and his spine. Laurinaitis says that he has potential nerve damage. It doesn’t matter because when he is in the ring, he is a fierce competitor. When he is outside the ring, he is a WWE Executive. He wants to make sure that Cena and everyone knows that they cannot lay a finger on him again.
If you do, you will be immediately terminated.
Laurinaitis introduces the man he rehired on Saturday and who got a big raise. It is the man John Cena is going to face at No Way Out. That man is the Big Show [and if he was hired back on Saturday, he did violate the Board of Directors {Thanks to Erik G for that one}].
Big Show says that everyone would probably like an explanation for his actions, but no one is entitled to his explanation.
Show says that last week, he was on his knees to Laurinaitis doing something he had never done before, he was begging for this job. Show says that he loves this business more than anyone. Everyone watched a grown man, a giant, crying on worldwide television.
Show says that he has no sympathy from anyone. Eighteen years of his life and nothing. Show says that he did what he had to do. He did what anyone would have done. Show says that he has an ironclad contract and he is proud of it. He wants to know how Cena or anyone else can judge him. Show tells Cena that he will be judging him and he tells Cena to look at him. He will be judging Cena on June 17th and there will be No Way Out. He will knock Cena out.
David Otunga comes out and he tells Cena that Cena lost to his boss and now it is time to lose to him.
Cena tells his former tag team partner that he is not in the mood and he tells Otunga to watch reruns of Law and Order because if he gets in the ring with him, he will hurt him.
Otunga thinks about it and he tells John Laurinaitis that he is dedicating this match to him.
Otunga does his Chris Masters pose before walking to the ring and potential injury. We go to commercial.
Match Number One: John Cena versus David Otunga
Cena goes after Otunga and Otunga cowers into the ropes. Otunga shows that his muscles aren’t enough to overcome Cena’s anger and he goes to the floor. Otunga returns to the ring when Cena goes to the floor. Cena goes back into the ring and Otunga goes to the floor. Cena teases going to the floor and he outsmarts Otunga.
Otunga with punches to Cena and then he poses while Laurinaitis gives the thumbs up. Cena with a punch and Irish whip followed by a splash and clothesline. Cena gets Otunga on his shoulders and he hits the Attitude Adjustment and then puts Otunga in the STF and Otunga taps out.
Winner: John Cena
After the match, Curt Hawkins, Titus O’Neil, Darren Young, and Tyler Reks attack Cena. Sheamus comes to the ring and he takes care of O’Neil and Reks while Cena takes care of Hawkins and Young.
Laurinaitis gets up and he tells Hawkins, Reks, Young, and O’Neil that he did not give them permission and they have to go back to the locker room.
Laurinaitis tells Cena and Sheamus that the crowd likes to watch them in action. They will be in a tag match tonight in a two on three lumberjack match.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Ricardo Rodriguez is interrupted by Santino Marella, showing that the US Champion has no respect for the greatest ring announcer in WWE.
Santino apologizes for coming out but he has been listening to Ricardo for a long time and he cannot understand what Ricardo is saying. He says that Ricardo’s accent is ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as his eyebrows.
Ricardo and Santino go back and forth and Santino teases the Cobra and Ricardo falls back into the ropes. Santino hits Ricardo with the Cobra.
Santino introduces Alberto Del Rio.
Match Number Two: Alberto Del Rio versus Randy Orton in a We Didn’t Lose In the Four Way Last Night Match
They lock up and Orton with a side head lock but Del Rio backs Orton into the corner. Del Rio with kicks but Orton with a kick and he puts Del Rio in the corner and connects with punches. Orton with a slam and then he tries for the leaping knee drop but he misses. Del Rio with a round kick to the shoulder and then he tries for a single arm breaker but Orton pulls his arm out of the way.
Orton hits the knee drop and then he punches Del Rio. Orton climbs the turnbuckles and he punches Del Rio until Alberto rolls to the apron. Del Rio avoids the IEDDT and he sends Orton to the apron and hits an enzuigiri. Del Rio drops Orton on the top rope and we go to commercial.
We are back and Del Rio with an arm bar. Orton with a head butt and punches but Del Rio with a kick and single arm breaker for a near fall. Del Rio with forearms to the back of the neck and a boot to the head. Del Rio gets a near fall.
Del Rio returns to the arm bar. Orton with punches but Del Rio with a kick to the shoulder. Del Rio goes for a running boot to Orton but Orton moves and Del Rio goes through the ropes to the floor. Del Rio returns to the ring and Orton with two clotheslines which means that Del Rio will miss one and Orton hits the power slam. Orton sets up for and hits the IEDDT.
Orton looks around and then he twists into the RKO push ups. From out of nowhere, Chris Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Orton and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Randy Orton
After the match, Jericho says that he is the best in the world at what he does. Jericho repeats himself. Jericho keeps repeating himself until Orton gets up and Jericho hits another Codebreaker. Jericho says that he is the best in the world again and leaves the ring only to return for a third Codebreaker.
Daniel Bryan is walking in the back, and yes, we are going to commercial.
We are back and Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring. Daniel Bryan says that last night at Over the Limit, a great injustice was done. He should be the new WWE Champion. If you missed Over the Limit, we have the footage. We see the footage of the tap out . . . after the referee called for the bell after making the three count.
Daniel says that it is Question and Answer time. Did he make CM Punk tap out? Yes. Should I be the WWE Champion? YES. If he faces CM Punk one more time, will he make him tap out again? YES!!
Bryan says that the only reason he is not the WWE champion is because of the gross incompetence of one referee and he demands a rematch.
CM Punk’s music plays and he comes out to the stage. He wants to clear up controversy. He says that it was one of the greatest battles of his life, but Bryan is forgetting one thing. He beat Bryan one, two, three in the center of the ring. Punk would love to settle this right now, but he wants to remind Bryan of what happened on Smackdown.
We see footage of Bryan hitting Kane with a chair and Kane attacking Punk on Smackdown.
Punk makes his way further down the ramp and he says that he was ashamed that he fell for that. There is nothing more that he would love to do than introduce Bryan’s opponent for the evening.
Kane makes his way to the ring.
CM Punk joins Cole and Lawler at the announce table.
Match Number Three: Kane versus Daniel Bryan
Bryan with kicks to Kane but Kane with an uppercut and kick. Kane punches Bryan in the corner and then he kicks and punches him. Kane with an Irish whip and splash into the corner. Kane moves out of the way and Bryan with a running drop kick into the corner. Bryan goes up top but Kane catches him and Bryan escapes. Kane goes over the top rope to the floor and Bryan with a suicide dive.
Punk gets up and he has a chair. He is going to hit Bryan with it but he decides to try to hit Kane, but Bryan stops him. Bryan grabs the chair and Bryan throws it away when Kane sees him. Kane with a big boot to Bryan and then Kane hits Bryan with the chair and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Daniel Bryan by disqualification
After the match, Kane hits Bryan repeatedly with the chair and then he brings Bryan into the ring and hits a choke slam while Punk gives some sarcastic commentary. Kane with a second choke slam.
Punk asks Lawler if he would like to check on Bryan. Punk goes into the ring to see if Bryan is O-K.
Punk asks Bryan if he is okay. Punk puts Bryan in the Anaconda Vice. Bryan pats Punk on the arm and head before Punk releases the hold.
We go to commercial.
We are back and CM Punk is walking in the back and AJ stops him. Punk is a little worried about this situation. Punk wants to know if AJ is going to tell him that she is off her rocker. AJ says that she enjoyed watching Punk beat up Daniel Bryan. Punk asks AJ if she is sadistic. Punk tells AJ that she is the one who has been acting like a fool the entire time.
AJ starts to cry and Punk looks around and thinks about doing the ‘there there, things will be better’ tap on the shoulder. Punk hugs AJ and he appears to be regretting it. He tells her that everything will be fine.
Punk says that he sort of digs crazy chicks and walks away.
It is time for the WWE Rewind: Paul Heyman mentioning that they were suing WWE for breaking an oral contract (ignore the opening segment to believe this one) and Paul’s threatened lawsuit.
Lawler and Cole talk about how Hunter will not be intimidated by Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar.
It is time to see the new Intercontinental Champion, Christian, make his return to Raw.
We go to commercial.
We are back with photos of Christian’s wins at Over the Limit.
Match Number Four: Christian versus Jinder Mahal
They lock up and Mahal with knees and a forearm to the back. Christian escapes a slam and hits an inverted DDT. Christian with a missile drop kick and Jinder goes to the apron. Mahal with a shoulder and back body drop that sends Christian to the floor. Mahal with a forearm across the chest and then he hits a knee to the chest. Mahal with a butterfly suplex and he gets a near fall. Mahal with a quarter nelson and chin lock.
Christian with punches but Jinder with a knee. Christian with a back heel kick and a sunset flip for a near fall. Christian with punches and running forearm. Christian slingshots to the floor and connects with an uppercut. Christian with a flying back elbow from the turnbuckles and then he sets for the Killswitch but Mahal counters with a suplex attempt.
Christian lands on his feet and Mahal with a knee. Christian escapes the camel clutch and hits the Killswitch and then hits a frog splash for the three count.
Winner: Christian
We are back and we see angry tweets from fans about Big Show and then we see Big Show’s response to John Cena.
Match Number Five: Beth Phoenix versus Kelly Kelly
Beth with a double leg take down and then she punches and kicks Kelly. Beth with a slam and elbow drop. Beth with a leg drop for a near fall.
We see Layla watching in the back.
Kelly with forearms and a kick. Kelly with a rana and a near fall. Beth with a clothesline and she rubs Kelly’s face in the mat. Beth pulls Kelly up by the hair and then she Irish whips Kelly into the corner. Beth misses a charge and Kelly hits a Thesz Press and then it is time for the spinning head scissors.
Kelly kicks Beth and then she gets ready for the handspring back elbow but Beth blocks it and hits Kelly with a Polish Hammer to the back of the neck. Beth with the Glam Slam for the three count.
Winner: Beth Phoenix
John Laurinaitis is puttering around on his Rascal and we go to commercial.
Match Number Six: Sheamus and John Cena versus the ‘John Squad’ of Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, and Tensai with Vickie Guerrero and Sakamoto in a Handicap Lumberjack Match
The lumberjacks appear to be heels at this point.
Ziggler and Sheamus start things off and Sheamus with a hip lock take down. They lock up again and Sheamus with a side head lock take down. Sheamus with a shoulder tackle. Ziggler misses the Fameasser and Sheamus sends Ziggler into the air and gets a near fall.
Cena tags in and Ziggler tags in Swagger. Swagger with a waist lock and take down. Swagger floats over and slaps Cena in the head. Swagger does push ups and that is why you don’t do that crap in a match because Cena with a clothesline.
Tensai tags in and he connects with an elbow and shoulders in the corner. Swagger tags back in and he puts Cena in the corner and connects with shoulders. Swagger with a hard Irish whip and then Swagger misses the double jump Swagger bomb.
Sheamus makes the tag and he hits a few running double sledges. Sheamus with a shoulder and a running knee lift. Sheamus with a power slam for a near fall and Ziggler breaks up the cover. Sheamus sends Ziggler over the top rope to the floor.
Tensai tags in and they exchange punches and forearms. Tensai with a shoulder that sends Sheamus to the floor. Sheamus fights off the lumberjacks and then he hits a splash off the steps onto other lumberjacks.
Tensai with an elbow to Sheamus and an elbow drop before tagging in Swagger. Swagger with kicks to Sheamus and then Ziggler with a forearm across the chest. Tensai tags back in and he works on Sheamus’ neck.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Sheamus punches Swagger but misses the Brogue kick. Swagger applies the ankle lock and Tensai tags in. Sheamus with forearms to Tensai but Tensai with a hard Irish whip. Tensai with a splash into the corner and Sheamus goes down. Tensai sends Sheamus to the apron and then he kicks Sheamus to the floor.
The lumberjacks take their time to attack Sheamus and he fights off some of them before getting back into the ring. Tensai with head butts to Sheamus and then he chokes Sheamus. Swagger works on the leg while Sheamus is still on the apron.
Sheamus punches Swagger but Swagger with a drop toe hold and then he gator rolls Sheamus away from Cena. Ziggler tags in and he kicks. Sheamus tries for the Celtic Cross but Ziggler clips Sheamus and then hits the Fameasser for a near fall.
Swagger tags back in and he kicks Sheamus.
Big Show has made his way onto the stage while Swagger gets a near fall.
Swagger with an arm bar but Sheamus with head butts to get out of the hold. Swagger with a waist lock and he rolls Sheamus away from Cena. Swagger puts Sheamus in the ropes and Ziggler kicks him in the head while Swagger deals with the referees.
Tensai tags back in and he kicks Sheamus and connects with butt splashes in the corner. Sheamus with forearms but Tensai stops him. Tensai with a slam and leg drop for a near fall. Ziggler tags back in and he punches Sheamus.
Swagger tags back in and he punches Sheamus. Sheamus fights out of the corner for a moment and then he hits a fireman’s carry slam on Swagger. Cena makes the tag and he hits the two flying shoulder tackles followed by the Blue Thunder Bomb. Time for the Five Knuckle Shuffle but the lumberjacks go after Sheamus so Cena goes to the floor.
There is pandemonium in the ring and the lumberjacks have entered the ring with the five people in the match.
We have replacement lumberjacks and they run to the ring (while Khali walks). It is time to get ready for the Royal Rumble. . . that is eight months away.
John Cena goes up the ramp for Big Show.
CM Punk goes after his Season One rookie, Darren Young and then we go to the back where John Cena wants to know where Big Show is.
John Cena ponders something and then he turns into a Big Show punch.
We go to credits.
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