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WWE RAW DRAFT REPORT: HISTORY IS MADE; NEXT WEEK IT WILL BE BIRTHATAINMENT; BIG NAMES CHANGE BRANDS; TRUTH TELLS THE 'WHATSAYERS' WHAT'S REALLY UP

By Richard Trionfo on 2011-04-25 23:05:49
We are live on tape from Raleigh, North Carolina and your announcers are Josh ‘Stand Back . . . there are no Hurricanes in the Stanley Cup Playoffs’ Mathews, Jerry ‘At least our sport will be playing in September after our draft’ Lawler and Michael ‘In this Man Cave, I feel like I could be a Ranger’ Cole.

The show starts with the 20 man battle royal already in progress.

Match Number One: Twenty Man InterBrand Battle Royal

There is pandemonium in the ring as the brands pair off. Kane is eliminated by a handful of red shirts. Cody and Daniel Bryan battle in the ring. Show and Khali battle in the corner and Show has the advantage. Show and Khali exchange head butts. Slater joins in and helps the man who won the tag titles from him last week. Now it is time for Khali to be eliminated by the blue shirts. Sheamus tries to eliminate Wade Barrett but Barrett holds on to the ropes.

Drew McIntyre has Daniel Bryan on his shoulders but Bryan holds on to the ropes and he rolls back into the ring. Vladimir Kozlov was eliminated. Cody and Drew work on Yoshi. We see footage of the Kozlov elimination. Mark Henry works over Kofi Kingston for a moment. Ezekiel Jackson is eliminated by Mark Henry and Evan Bourne.

Show grabs Bryan by the throat. Sheamus holds on to the apron and ring skirt to stay in the match. Bourne saves Sheamus from Clay. Heath Slater is eliminated. Chris Masters has been eliminated by Mark Henry. Wade Barrett is eliminated. Kofi kicks Santino and Yoshi to stay in the ring. Ted DiBiase is eliminated. Ryan kicks Rhodes but Drew stop him. Henry and Clay fight by the ropes and both men are eliminated. Show grabs Yoshi and head butts him.

Bryan with English uppercuts to Cody. Yoshi is eliminated by Show. Sheamus tries to eliminate Cody Rhodes but Drew makes the save. Drew tries for the Future Shock DDT on Sheamus but Sheamus escapes. Drew kicks Sheamus while Cody kicks him. Sheamus with a back body drop to Drew. Drew ducks down and Sheamus goes to the apron. Sheamus with a head butt and Drew with a knee and Sheamus is eliminated.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Daniel Bryan is hanging on Show but Show falls back and may have squashed Bryan. Mason Ryan punches Kofi and Santino joins in. Drew tries to eliminate Bourne but Drew is eliminated instead. Bryan saves Bourne from Rhodes. Bryan with kicks to Cody. Santino is on the apron and he tries to give Show a Cobra but Show hits Santino with his cobra and Santino is eliminated. Bryan decides to kick Show but Show pushes him off.

Rhodes is proud of his current brand but Cody Rhodes is eliminated by Mason Ryan. Daniel Bryan is eliminated by Kofi Kingston.

We are down to four with Big Show and Kofi Kingston from Smackdown and Mason Ryan and Evan Bourne from Raw.

Kofi goes after Bourne while Show grabs Ryan. Ryan gets out of a slam attempt. Bourne tries to hip toss Kofi over the top rope. Kofi gets sent to the apron but he blocks a kick from Bourne. Bourne stays in the ring. Kofi leaps back into the ring and Bourne with a kick to Kofi.

Now it is time for Show and Ryan. Show grabs Bourne and throws him into the corner. Bourne leaps over Ryan but Show catches Bourne and eliminates him. Show and Kofi go after Ryan. Ryan pushes Kofi into the corner. Kofi with a pendulum kick and Show pushes Ryan over the top rope to eliminate him.

Winner: Team Smackdown

We go to the Keno Board of WWE Superstars to find out who goes from Raw to Smackdown.

The first draft pick is going to be John Cena.

The Smackdown locker room is ecstatic while the Raw locker room is in shock. Cena puts on his new blue shirt.

This is the second time that John Cena has been drafted. He was the first pick of the 2005 Draft.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Did You Know that WWE has the number one kids game app in a few countries.

Todd Grisham is in the interview area with John Cena and he is in blue. Todd asks Cena for his impressions. Cena says that the biggest move in WWE history has happened. Cena makes a Star Wars and Back to the Future reference because he will be on Syfy. He says that he is going back to Smackdown. Cena says that life changes. Cena says that the biggest change happens on Sunday. He walks into the cage as a member of Smackdown and he will bring the WWE Championship back to the Smack.

Miz shows up in his red shirt and he says that after Sunday, he won’t be able to see Cena on Raw.

Jerry and Josh talk about what it would be like if John Cena takes the WWE Title to Smackdown.

Michael Cole gloms the spotlight and talks about his match later tonight with Jim Ross.

Josh and Jerry talk about what happened with R Truth last week.

R Truth comes out and he is not wondering what’s up. He tells everyone to shut up. He tells everyone not to boo him, they should be booing themselves.

Truth says that he wants to talk about everyone. He wants to talk to everyone who is listening. Last week, John Morrison . . . his friend . . . his pal. Truth tells them to stop with the what. He says that Morrison came out to challenge him for his spot in the WWE Title Match at Extreme Rules. Truth is not happy with the fans but he won’t let them get to him. Truth wants to know why Morrison challenged him. It was because of the fans. Truth asks rhetorically why did he accept the challenge. He did it because the fans wanted him to. Truth says that he lost because of them.

Truth says that he is pissed off. He has tried to please the fans and it ain’t got him nowhere. He hasn’t gotten didly squat. He was dancing and rapping every week so the fans could do it. Truth tells them that they need some rhythm because they are off beat and out of tune.

Truth does a little recreation of Little Jimmy’s reaction to What’s Up. Truth asks if Jimmy singing what’s up won him any titles. Since it didn’t, Little Jimmy can wipe his nose and shut up.

Truth says that for ten years, he chose the fans. Now, he is officially giving everyone the boot. He says goodbye in a few different languages.

Truth says that ten years of frustration and disappointment but now it is marvelous. For the first time in his life, the Truth has set him free.

Truth is attacked from behind by John Morrison who stole his title match and now, his spotlight. Some referees come to break things up but Morrison acts like things are under control but he runs down the ramp to attack Truth some more.

We go to commercial.

We are back with another doll being destroyed by Kharma.

We see what happened during last week’s LayCool counseling session.

Match Number two: Eve Torres versus Layla in a Draft Pick match

They lock up and Layla with a knee and forearms. Eve with a flatline for a near fall. Michelle yells at Layla while Michael Cole interrupts the match. Eve gets a three count with a rollup.

Winner: Eve

Michael Cole continues to talk and he says that he has a pre-match stretching regimen for his match with Jim Ross.

Michelle goes after Layla after the match, but Layla sends Michelle into the ringside barrier and she slams Michelle’s head into the barrier a few times. Layla is so distraught over what she is doing to Michelle but it doesn’t stop her from throwing Michelle over the announce table.

It is time to go to the random Keno board of doom and the newest member of Raw is: Rey Mysterio. This is the third time that Rey Mysterio has been drafted. He was the first pick in 2008 and the twelfth pick in 2009.

The Raw locker room is happy at the new addition.

Rey puts on his Raw shirt.

Jim Ross is in the back stretching for his match with Michael Cole and Lawler is afraid that JR is winded.

We are back and Cody Rhodes is in the interview area with Todd Grisham. Todd asks Cody for his thoughts about Rey going to Raw. Now that Rey and him are on different shows, he is going to give Rey a going away present for Rey in their Falls Count Anywhere match. That present is a new mask. He is going to give Rey Mysterio the mask that an anesthesiologist puts over your face before they wheel you into the hospital. He says that Rey can do a rana, West Coast Pop, or 619 in the hospital. Cody then quotes Rey’s entrance music to end the promo.

Match Number Three: Kofi Kingston versus Sheamus in a Draft Pick Match

They lock up and Sheamus with forearms and knees to Kofi. Sheamus chokes Kofi with his knee. Sheamus puts Kofi in the ropes and he connects with forearms across the chest. Sheamus with a slingshot shoulder tackle for a near fall. Sheamus with a short arm clothesline to Kofi. Sheamus with an arm bar and chin lock. Sheamus charges into the corner but Kofi moves and Sheamus hits the ring post. Kofi with a cross body for a near fall.

Kofi leaps into the corner and he punches Sheamus but Sheamus with a running double sledge. Kofi avoids the pump kick and Kofi hits two Troubles in Paradise for the three count.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

It is time to find out who goes to Smackdown. We go to DraftTron 2011 and the pick is . . . Randy Orton. This is the second time that Randy Orton has been drafted. He was the fourth pick in the 2005 draft when he went from Raw to Smackdown.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Booker T joins Josh and Lawler at the announce table.

We see the moment that made a number of British people renounce their citizenship when Michael Cole was ‘knighted’.

Match Number Four: Jim Ross with Jerry Lawler versus Michael Cole with Jack Swagger

Cole mocks Jim Ross and so does Swagger on the apron. Cole does his best Kamala impression and compares Ross to the Ugandan giant. JR takes a few punches at Cole but he misses. Cole goes to the floor and he puts on a cowboy hat. Cole stomps on the hat and that is not a good thing to do in front of Jim Ross. Cole wants to be toweled off since he has done so much in this match. Cole does some push ups. Ross grabs Cole by the straps and sends him to the mat. Cole wants a time out.

Swagger gets a stool and a drink (where is John Morrison?). Cole tries to slam Ross but Cole can’t keep him up and he falls to the mat. Ross punches Cole and Cole tries to leave the ring but Lawler sends Cole back into the ring. Swagger attacks Lawler and sends him into the ring post.

Meanwhile, Ross continues to punch Cole until Swagger attacks Ross and the referee calls for the bell.

Winner: Jim Ross by disqualification

Swagger puts Ross in the ankle lock while we see Cole’s bloody lip. Cole yells at Ross while Swagger puts Ross back in the ankle lock. Cole whips Ross with his belt. Lawler recovers and he attacks Cole and Swagger, clotheslining Swagger over the top rope to the floor. Lawler grabs the belt and he whips Cole before Cole finally gets out of the ring.

The computer that makes everyone wish Skynet became self aware. We have an e-mail that Josh reads. The match on Sunday will be a Tag Team Country Whipping Match.

Miz is with Scott Sanford and Alex Riley is there too. Alex turns the mic flag around. Miz says that he thought everyone would talk about the draft, or John Morrison and Truth. Maybe it is next week when we celebrate Rock’s birthday. The most electrifying birthday in birthatainment. No one will be talking about the Rock’s birthday next week. There will be something bigger to talk about. He will find a way to win on Sunday at Extreme Rules. John Cena will go to Smackdown a loser. John Morrison will always be a loser.

Every Raw fan and USA executive should be praying that he does not get drafted to Smackdown because within one month, Monday Night Raw will be canceled. Miz tells us who he is and that he is AWESOME.

We go to commercial.

We are back with the Slam of the Week: Randy Orton beating CM Punk last week and the Newxus’ attack on Randy Orton only to see Mason Ryan and CM Punk talk long enough to allow Orton to recover and hit an RKO on Punk.

Match Number Five: Randy Orton versus Dolph Ziggler in a Two Draft Pick Match

Orton with a slam and a leaping knee drop for a near fall. Ziggler with a kick and neck breaker for a near fall. Ziggler with a fireman’s carry for a near fall. Ziggler with a chin lock and arm bar on Orton. Orton gets to his feet and he punches Ziggler. Orton with a back elbow and Ziggler goes to the floor. Vickie checks on Ziggler but Ziggler with a thumb to the eye and Orton is drop kicked into the seats.

The referee continues his count and Orton struggles to get back into the ring and he makes it in time and he hits a Thesz Press followed by clotheslines and a power slam. Orton with an Olympic Slam for a near fall. Orton with an Irish whip but Ziggler gets a boot up. Orton with a back breaker.

Orton twists into the RKO push ups and he sees Vickie out of the corner of his eye and Ziggler gets a near fall with a rollup. Orton with an RKO for the three count.

Winner: Randy Orton

It is time to see which two people will be going to Smackdown.

According to Draft-a-Matrix 2011 . . .

We have to wait because CM Punk has come out. He finds it extremely ironic that the pay per view on Sunday is called Extreme Rules because they are going to get extreme, but the rules are different. The only rule is that you have to answer a ten count. He is going to hit Randy with so much that he will have no one else to blame but himself. A simple RKO out of nowhere will not get you the one, two, three. He will send Randal to Smackdown beaten up and a shell of what he used to be.

Orton says that there are going to be many things that he will miss not being on Raw. One thing he won’t miss is having to hear Punk ramble on and on. Punk won’t be talking after Sunday. He won’t be walking, he won’t be eating, he won’t be drinking, he won’t be moving. All Punk will be doing is sleeping. Unconscious sleeping because he will be the last man standing.

We will find out who gets drafted when we come back from commercial.

We are back and during the commercial break we found out that Mark Henry was the fourth pick. This is the third time that Mark has been drafted. In 2002, he was the seventeenth pick and in 2008, he was the first pick of the Supplemental Draft.

The fifth draft pick was Sin Cara. This is the first time that Sin Cara was drafted since he just debuted on WWE television.

Match Number Six: Wade Barrett versus Rey Mysterio in a Two Draft Pick Match

Barrett with a kick and forearm to Rey followed by a head butt and knee. Barrett with an Irish whip but Rey with a kick and forearms. Barrett with a Bossman slam for a near fall. Barrett with a kick and punches to Rey and the referee warns Barrett. Barrett chokes Rey in the corner and gets a near fall. Wade with a knee to the back and then he stretches Rey.

Rey with a series of kicks to Barrett followed by a springboard cross body for a near fall. Barrett runs Rey into the corner and then Barrett puts Rey on the top turnbuckle. Barrett sets for a superplex but Rey with punches and a head butt. Rey with a head scissors that sends Barrett into the ropes and Rey hits the 619. Rey goes up top and hits a dive for the three count.

Winner: Rey Mysterio

We see that the sixth draft pick will be Big Show. This is a record fifth time for Big Show to be drafted. He was the twelfth pick in 2002, the seventh pick in 2005, the second pick in 2009, and the second pick last year.

The seventh draft pick is Alberto Del Rio. This is the first time that Alberto Del Rio has been drafted.

Alberto is in the back with Ricardo and Brodus. Brodus wants to know what this means for him. Alberto ignores Brodus and Alberto tells Ricardo through clenched teeth that it is his destiny.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Mumbles Cole is back in the Bell Jar.

It is time to run through the card for Extreme Rules.

Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long comes out and he says that the main event is a six man tag match for the final draft pick. Team Raw will be CM Punk, Alberto Del Rio, and Miz versus John Cena, Christian, and Mark Henry.

Match Number Seven: CM Punk, Alberto Del Rio, and Miz with Alex Riley and Ricardo Rodriguez versus John Cena, Christian, and Mark Henry in a Draft Pick Match

Miz and Christian start things off and they lock up and Miz with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Miz with a kick and side head lock followed by a flying forearm. Cena is tagged in and Miz gets out of the ring very fast as we go to commercial.

We are back and Cena with an Irish whip and suplex to Miz. Punk tags in and he hits a hip toss and drop kick. Henry is tagged in and he hits a clothesline in the corner. Henry with a head butt and punch. Henry stands on Punk’s chest. Christian tags in and he hits a running forearm and then he goes to the turnbuckles and hits a back elbow. Punk with a back kick and he gets Christian on his shoulder but he avoids the Go to Sleep. Punk with a round kick and then Del Rio tags in and hits a drop kick and gets a near fall.

Del Rio punches Christian and then he Irish whips Christian into the corner and hits an enzuigiri. Miz tags back in and he kicks Christian in the ribs. Miz with a boot to the head and he gets a near fall. Miz with a rear chin lock on Christian and then he applies a side head lock. Christian with punches but Miz pulls Christian down by his shirt. Punk tags in and he kicks Christian in the hamstring followed by a leg drop and gets a near fall.

Punk with a hard Irish whip and then he tags Miz back into the match. Miz with a kick to the ribs and then he kicks Christian in the head a few more times. Christian tries for the Killswitch but Miz gets out of the hold and then he hits the Awesome Clothesline and gets a near fall.

Del Rio tags in and he kicks Christian and then he goes for a divorce court with his knee and then he applies an arm bar. Christian gets to the ropes and Del Rio eventually releases the hold. Del Rio punches Christian and he puts Christian on the turnbuckles. Christian punches Del Rio off the turnbuckles and then he hits the tornado DDT and both men are down.

Miz tags in and so does Cena. Cena with two flying shoulder tackles followed by a Blue Thunder Bomb and it is time for the Five Knuckle Shuffle but Mark Henry with a boot to John Cena. Henry presses Christian over his head on the floor and drops him on the ring steps.

Miz and Cena get to their feet and Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale and gets the three count.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio, CM Punk, and The Miz

The eighth and final draft pick tonight goes to Raw and it is . . .

John Cena. This is the third time that John Cena has been drafted. He was the first pick in 2005 as well as this year. He is the first person to be drafted twice in the same year.

After the match, John Cena attacks Miz and CM Punk and sends Punk to the floor. Cena hits the Blue Thunder Bomb on Miz and then throws off his shirt before hitting the Five Knuckle Shuffle and then he tosses Miz onto Del Rio, Ricardo, Punk, and Riley.

We go to credits.

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