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We begin with a photo of the Rock and he is ‘on the phone with the President’ and he is talking about John Cena’s promo from last week. Rock says that nobody laughed at that segment because it stunk. The thing that bothers him the most is that he tries to talk to him like a man, but he reacts like a child.
John Cena’s music plays and Rock has to hang up.
Rock says that Cena has a lot of nerve coming to his house to talk to him face to face. He tells Cena that he has his final chance to talk like a man.
In walks a child dressed like John Cena and he tells Rock that he can’t see him.
Rock walks up to the child and he tells John to not even think about it. He tells him not to rap because he isn’t gangsta and he isn’t from the hood. He wants him to talk like an adult.
The child says that his name is John Cena . . . he’s puttin’ on the hurt. I’m a big tough guy with the bright purple shirt.
He tells Rock if he wants some to come get some.
Rock sits down and he tells ‘John’ that they should have had this talk long ago. It is time to have a talk with the People’s Champion. When he left seven years ago, John ran with the ball. He didn’t run that far. He eventually became the man in the WWE. He says that John tried and he succeeded. He asks John to think about the cultural influence he has made. There was Kermit The Frog, then Barney, and now him. He owns the two to five year olds.
He asks ‘John’ if he knows why he won’t be as good as the Rock.
‘John’ says that it is because he isn’t talented.
Rock says bye-bye to the giant elephant in the room. He asks ‘John’ how he feels. Before ‘John’ can answer, he tells him IT DOESN’T MATTER how he feels.
‘John’ starts to cry. Rock says that ‘John’ shouldn’t cry but the people who watch his movies should cry. He gives ‘John’ a Cena shirt to blow his nose since he doesn’t have Kleenex.
Rock tells ‘John’ to turn that frown upside down. He has a gift for ‘John’. Rock gives him a box of Fruity Pebbles.
‘John’ says that he is happy because he has hustle, loyalty, respect, and Fruity Pebbles.
Rock says that maybe ‘John’ can have muscles like him. He tells ‘John’ to take his cereal and enjoy it. He tells the untalented ‘Fruit Loop’ to leave.
Rock tries to remember where he was and he has something to say to Miz. He says that he is right that they have not been properly introduced. Rock says that he is the most electrifying man in all of entertainment. He is the People’s Champion.
Last Monday night, Miz made some statements. First, he knocked out John Cena. Then he used the People’s Elbow and talked trash about his family. Miz made another statement. That statement was that he clearly wants the Rock to lay down the single biggest ass whooping of a lifetime. He says that we can all agree that the time for talk is over. It is time for Wrestlemania. As he promised and gave his word, he will bring it live on Monday Night Raw.
It doesn’t matter when because the only thing that Cena and Miz should be concerned with is how badly he layeth the Smacketh down on their candy asses.
If you Smelllllllllllllllllllllllalalalalalalalala what the Rock is cooking.
Snooki is in the back with Trish Stratus.
Michael Cole is in his isolation chamber to make sure that Jerry Lawler doesn’t beat him up.
Miz comes out and Cole marks out as only Cole can do.
We see highlights of what happened between Miz and John Cena over the last few weeks.
Miz starts off with a really for the St. Louis crowd and then he gives us another. He says that the Rock’s t-shirt says ‘I Bring It’. He agrees that Rock brings it. He brings out of date catchphrases, bad tattoos, awful movies, and pointless twenty minute diatribes that only a has been can bring.
Rock has issues with him insulting his family. Miz says that Rock’s father and grandfather were good. Miz says that they were never WWE Champion. That means that he is better than the both of them and he can say whatever he wants.
Miz says that Rock likes to make six year olds cry. He tells Rock to come into the ring and he will make him cry and scream like a little girl. Unlike Rock, instead of talking about beating up John Cena, he has done it. He has done it three weeks ago. Miz tells Rock that he doesn’t own John Cena, he does.
Miz says that doesn’t faze him and nothing that the people says fazes him. He tells Rock that week after week, Rock says that he is going to bring it. Miz prays that Rock will bring it. Maybe Rock will bring it to St. Louis.
The crowd goes wild.
Miz says that whenever the Rock brings it, he will be overshadowed by the most Must See WWE Champion in history. Miz tells us who he is and that he is AWESOME.
We kill all momentum from those promos and Michael Cole gets to read from the dingy dingy Raw General Manager. Cole leaves his cone of insipidness to go to the computer but Jerry gets in the way. Cole yells at Jerry for taking his job.
Jerry tells Cole to go back into his cage.
The General Manager has announced two first time ever matches for John Cena and him. John Cena will face Alberto Del Rio.
Miz asks about himself since he has beaten everyone. Lawler tells Miz that he will be facing The Great Khali.
We go to commercial.
Match Number One: Miz versus Great Khali with Runjin Singh
Miz with a kick to the knee and punches to Khali. Khali pushes Miz down and he punches him in the head. Khali with a chop to Miz’s chest and he goes down. Khali with the Khali Krush but Miz tries to get to the ropes. Miz finally gets to the ropes.
From out of nowhere, Alex Riley attacks Miz and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Great Khali
Khali chops Riley and then he hits the vertical choke slam.
Miz hits Khali in the legs and back with a steel chair. Miz with more chair shots to the back. Miz hits Khali in the back so many times that the chair breaks in a moment reminiscent of Rock hitting Mick Foley with numerous chair shots to the head.
Miz with a DDT onto the chair.
While the official checks on Khali we see the damage that has been done to his back.
Michael Cole says that he is going to expose Jerry Lawler to the world. Cole says that he has a special guest who will tell the world who Jerry Lawler really is.
We go to commercial.
We are back and John Cena has five million fans on Facebook.
Josh talks about the match between Undertaker and Triple H and their No Holds Barred Match.
We go to footage from last week’s Smackdown when Triple H returned fire on the Undertaker with footage of his own.
John Morrison is in the back and he is talking to Snooki. He says that she probably takes a punch better than half the guys. Snooki says
Vickie says that it is Miss Gym Tan Laundry hitting on a loser superstar. Vickie says that Snooki is to stay away from Dolph. She says that Snooki isn’t that great because she is on the cover of Rolling Stone. She says that she was offered the cover of Playboy.
Snooki says that it must have been a centerfold because they can’t fit Vickie on one page.
Vickie tries to slap Snooki but Snooki blocks it and slaps Vickie in the face.
Vickie screams and we go to commercial.
We are back and Did You Know that a lot of autographs will be signed at WWE Axxess.
Match Number Two: Sheamus versus Daniel Bryan with Gail Kim for the United States Title [and Sheamus’ career]
They lock up and Sheamus with a head lock take down. Sheamus follows that with a shoulder tackle and he gets a near fall. Sheamus with kicks to Bryan and then he connects with forearms. Bryan flips over Sheamus and then hits a drop toe hold and he tries for the LeBell Lock but Sheamus gets to the ropes. Bryan kicks Sheamus to the floor and then he hits a suicide dive.
Bryan rolls Sheamus back in and then he goes up top and hits a missile drop kick and gets a near fall.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Sheamus with a rear chin lock on Bryan and he has his knee in Bryan’s back. We see footage from the commercial break when Sheamus hit a back breaker and clothesline.
Bryan with elbows but Sheamus with a back elbow. Sheamus puts Bryan in the ropes and he connects with a forearm across the chest. He adds more forearms and then he adds more for good luck. Sheamus with a running knee lift while Bryan was hanging in the ropes and he gets a near fall.
Bryan with a kick to Sheamus and then Bryan avoids a back breaker with an inside cradle. Bryan back body drops Sheamus over the top rope and Sheamus appears to have reinjured his ankle.
Sheamus returns to the ring and the referee keeps Bryan away but it was a trap. Sheamus misses the pump kick and Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock. Sheamus gets to the rope right before he was going to tap. Sheamus punches Bryan in the midsection and then he Irish whips Bryan and then he goes for a power bomb but Bryan counters with a sunset flip for a near fall.
Sheamus and Bryan exchange forearms until Bryan gains control. Bryan with kicks to Sheamus and then he unloads with a series of kicks to the chest and then one to the head but Sheamus is able to kick out.
Bryan goes up top but Sheamus connects with the pump kick and he gets the three count.
Winner: Sheamus
After the match, Sheamus goes to the announce table to celebrate his victory.
Michael Cole climbs on his chair to kill the celebration.
Cole says that he is going to commit the verbal equivalent of regicide. He tells us that is killing a king. He says that he is going to bring out a man from Lawler’s past to talk about who Jerry Lawler really is.
We go to commercial.
We are back with the Slam of the Week: Michael Cole having Steve Austin becoming the guest referee at Wrestlemania.
Michael Cole is in the ring and the crowd is showing their love. Cole wants to know if the people enjoy that Steve Austin can come out and inject himself into Cole’s ‘main event’ at Wrestlemania. Cole guarantees that Austin will have a minimal effect at Wrestlemania when he beats Jerry Lawler. Cole says that he knows how defensive Lawler gets when they talk about his family, whether living or dead. Cole isn’t going to talk about his family tonight. His family is going to talk about him.
Michael Cole brings out Brian Christopher. Brian and Cole dance in the ring while Brian’s music plays.
Michael gives Brian a mic and he welcomes him back to WWE. Cole brings up Brian’s character names and he points out that he never used Brian Lawler.
Brian says that is because all of his life, growing up, he never felt like he had a father. He tells Michael that while Jerry Lawler was off traveling the world being ‘The King’, he neglected one thing . . . him. Jerry Lawler never really wanted a child. Jerry never wanted anybody or anything to get in his spotlight.
That is why when he made it on his own to the WWE, Jerry wouldn’t acknowledge that he was his son.
Jerry gets a mic and he tells Brian that he doesn’t really know what to say. He is not the only one who is glad that Brian didn’t use the Lawler name. He says that Brian is a bigger screw up than Charlie Sheen. Just the fact that he would associate himself with a jackass like Michael Cole tells everyone what kind of a person he is.
Brian asks Jerry how it makes him feel to know that he competed at Wrestlemania before Jerry did. Brian reminds everyone that as part of Too Cool, he was one of the biggest superstars in WWE at one time. Brian asks Jerry one more time how it made him feel. Brian calls him ‘daddy’ and then he pushes Jerry. He wants to know if Jerry is going to answer him and then he slaps Jerry in the head.
Brian bumps into Jerry and then he slaps him in the head again. Brian tells Jerry that the reason he never used the Lawler name is because he is ashamed of him.
We see Cole laughing in the ring as Brian walks away from his dad. Cole says that he thought that Jerry didn’t care about his family and then he calls him a coward, pathetic, and a loser.
The Oklahoma fight song plays and Jim Ross comes out to the ring. Cole says that he was wondering when this moment would come and he would do his best John Wayne impersonation riding into the spotlight on his white horse.
Jim asks Cole if this is going far enough. He talks about Jerry’s family, he brings out Jerry’s father to humiliate and embarrass Jerry Lawler. He tells Cole that this has gone far enough.
Cole tells Ross to go away. He tells Jim that it is his show now and he is the voice of the WWE. Cole gets in Jim’s face.
Ross says that he has been meaning to talk to Cole about being the voice of the WWE. Jim says that he had the honor of sitting at ringside with Jerry Lawler. He was able to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame thanks to Raw. Jim Ross says that no one will be the ‘voice of WWE’. It is the people in the crowd and the people watching at home.
Jim says that Cole has been carried by Lawler. He has been like a mother kangaroo carrying Cole around in his pouch. He says that Cole isn’t a lovable animal. He calls Cole a varmint and a rat bastard.
Cole asks if that is how it is going to be. Michael Cole in his ring being the bigger man standing up for himself while JR walked out of the ring into the sunset with his tail tucked between his legs.
Jim was about to leave the ring, but he makes his way back into the ring. Ross takes off his jacket and Cole does the same. Cole remembers to take off his tie.
Jack Swagger comes through the crowd and he attacks Jerry Lawler.
Swagger comes into the ring and Ross wants Swagger to stop. Cole tells Swagger to teach Ross a lesson.
Swagger kicks Ross and then he puts Ross in the ankle lock. Cole gets in Ross’ face and asks him how it feels.
Lawler pulls Swagger off Ross and then Cole jumps on Lawler’s back. Swagger attacks Lawler and puts him in the ankle lock.
Cole puts Ross in the ankle lock and then he tells Ross that this is what happens when you disrespect him.
We go to commercial.
We are back with the WWE Rewind: Randy Orton doing his best to limit the membership in Nexus.
Before our next match, we see that Randy’s wife and daughter are in the crowd.
Match Number Three: Randy Orton versus Mason Ryan with CM Punk in a If Mason wins, he can be at ringside for Punk’s match at Wrestlemania but if he loses, he will probably get kicked in the head Match
They lock up and Ryan backs Orton into the corner and then he tries to punch Orton in the corner on the break but Orton moves. Orton with punches and European uppercuts. Ryan with a kick and punches to Orton. Orton with punches of his own. Ryan with an Irish whip but Orton with a clothesline out of the corner. Ryan with a boot to Orton and Randy goes down.
Ryan with a back breaker to Orton and he gets a near fall. Ryan with another back breaker and then he picks Orton back up for a third one and he gets a near fall. Ryan with a bear hug on Orton. Orton punches and head butts Ryan while we see from Punk’s vantage point. Orton with a clothesline but Ryan with a Side Effect for a near fall. Ryan looks at the Wrestlemania sign and then he picks up Orton but he takes too long and Orton with an RKO for the three count.
Winner: Randy Orton
After the match, Orton poses on the turnbuckles and then he looks at Punk. Orton hesitates before leaving the ring and then he starts to make his way towards CM Punk. Orton thinks about it and he looks at Ryan getting up in the ring. Orton remembers that he had something to do on his ‘to do’ list. Orton runs into the ring and he kicks Ryan in the head. Punk gets into the ring and Orton does push ups in front of Punk as they stare down.
Punk leaves the ring and watches the medical staff bringing out a stretcher for Mason.
We have an Earlier Tonight Moment of the confrontation between Snooki and Vickie Guerrero.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for the newest addition to the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame and it is former Royal Rumble participant Drew Carey.
Michael Cole interrupts Josh Mathews and he wants to remind everyone what happened earlier tonight. It was the premiere of the Michael Cole ankle lock on Raw. Cole says that he has mastered the ankle lock and he will use it to beat Jerry Lawler and humiliate him at Wrestlemania. Cole tells Jim Ross that ankle lock was a slobberknocker and he stomped a mudhole into him.
Trish Stratus is walking in the back with Snooki and Zack Ryder stops her and he asks her about his ‘situation’. Snooki likes it and then she walks with Trish as we go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for the Guest Host to come to the ring and it is Snooki. She makes her way to the ring. She says that she has been waiting for this moment all week long. She says that she is really looking forward to seeing Trish Stratus shut up Vickie Guerrero’s big mouth.
Vickie says that not only will she defeat the legend Trish Stratus, she will be rehired for Raw. Vickie says that she has some words for Snooki. She tells Snooki not to lay her hands on her again. Vickie yells at Snooki for stealing her spotlight. Vickie says that Snooki stole something very important from her. We see the cover of Rolling Stone. Vickie says that was her cover shoot. Vickie shows us the original cover. Vickie says that by the end of the night she will be the true Miss Media Darling. Vickie says that she will win tonight. Deep down inside, she is a good person.
Match Number Five: Vickie Guerrero versus Trish Stratus in a Career on the Line Part Two Match
Vickie tells Trish to wait a second so she can do some jumping jacks and other training. Trish with a rollup for a near fall while Vickie was not looking. Vickie tries for a kick but Trish blocks it and she sends Vickie to the mat. Vickie loses a shoe and Trish chases after her. Vickie gets her shoe back and she laughs maniacally. Vickie throws her shoe and she misses. Vickie gets her other shoe but Trish with a kick to Vickie and then Trish takes the shoe and she spanks Vickie with it.
Dolph Ziggler comes into the ring and she begs Trish to stop. John Morrison goes after Dolph and sends him to the floor. Morrison with a corkscrew plancha onto Dolph.
LayCool come to the ring and Michelle and Layla attack Trish and Michelle with a kick to the head for the three count.
Winner: Vickie Guerrero
After the match, Layla and Vickie take a photo with the defeated Trish. LayCool and Vickie celebrate in the ring as the reunion is complete.
Layla and Michelle make fun of Snooki after they realize that she is at ringside.
Michelle has something to say and Snooki gets in her face. Michelle pushes Snooki but Snooki pulls Michelle off the apron. Snooki with a Thesz Press to Layla and then Trish with a Thesz Press to Michelle. Trish punches Michelle while Layla tries to get away from Snooki.
LayCool and Vickie are able to get out of the ring.
Snooki, Trish, and Morrison celebrate in the ring and Dolph tells Morrison isn’t a girl.
Vickie tells Snooki that she is in over her head. Vickie says that this is her show now. Vickie says that she cannot wait to show them what they deserve on the biggest stage of them all.
She makes a challenge for Morrison, Trish, and Snooki to face Dolph Ziggler and LayCool at Wrestlemania.
Snooki accepts the challenge.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Sin Cara is in a ring surrounded by fired as he shows off what he can do in the ring.
It is time to talk about the Undertaker/Triple H match and it is time for part three of the Shawn Michaels scouting report. Shawn says that to say that the Undertaker is not intimidating, it is not true. There is a mystique, a mystery, a darkness. He is six foot ten inches tall and weighs nearly three hundred pounds. The biggest factor about Undertaker is the streak and it plays to his advantage. There is a lot of smoke and mirrors and distractions with the Undertaker if you let it get to you. You need to stay with the task at hand and it is difficult when it comes to the Undertaker.
The dynamic of the Undertaker at Wrestlemania takes a life of its own. You have him standing in front of you and that is enough, but then you add the streak and it can be too much to handle. He has never been beaten at the biggest show of them all. Shawn says that he does not know if it will be broken. He says that beating the Undertaker at Wrestlemania is the toughest thing to do.
Match Number Five: Alberto Del Rio with Brodus Clay versus John Cena
They lock up and Del Rio with a knee to Cena. They lock up again and Del Rio with a side head lock and take down. Del Rio with a shoulder tackle but Cena with a hip toss and a drop kick. Del Rio goes to the floor and we go to commercial.
We are back and Del Rio with a drop kick to Cena and he gets a near fall. Del Rio with a side head lock but Cena with a belly-to-back suplex. Cena and Del Rio both go for clotheslines and both men are down. Cena and Del Rio exchange punches as the crowd is conflicted over who to cheer and who to boo. Cena with two flying shoulder tackles followed by the Blue Thunder Bomb. Cena sets for the Five Knuckle Shuffle and he hits it to finish the Legendary Sequence. Cena gets Del Rio up for the Attitude Adjustment but Clay punches Cena and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: John Cena by disqualification
After the match, Clay and Del Rio attack Cena.
The Rock’s music plays and It is Miz with a bald cap and a Rock t-shirt.
Cena punches Clay and then he kicks Del Rio. Miz gets taken down by Cena but Clay takes care of Cena.
Miz with a Rock Bottom on Cena. Del Rio hits the running enzuigiri in the corner. Clay hits a Fallaway Slam and Cena goes to the floor.
Miz gets on the turnbuckles and poses like the Rock. Miz pulls off the bald cap and he stands over John Cena and he picks him up and runs Cena’s back into the ring post.
Miz gets on the mic and he asks Cena how his road to Wrestlemania is and then he hits Cena in the head with the mic. Miz tells Cena that he has owned him the last three weeks and he will own him for the next three, all the way to Wrestlemania. Cena gets up and Miz hits him again with the mic. Cena starts to crawl up the ramp and Miz picks up Cena and suplexes him on the ramp.
Cena punches Miz and gets him up for the Attitude Adjustment but Miz gets away and he hits a DDT on the stage. Miz picks up Cena and he throws Cena into the spinning WWE logo on the stage. Cena tries to get back to his feet and Miz waits to hit the Skull Crushing Finale and he hits it on the base of the Spinning WWE Logo.
We go to credits.
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